Disney has gone TOO FAR

So I was flipping through the annual Toys R Us Christmas catalogue (as does pretty much every teenager that wants to say something along the lines of “Kid’s today! When I was a kid…” and transform into an old person), when I noticed something. Disney has once again taken up the post as MAJOR CORPORATION THAT SUCKS UP OUR MONEY. I mean, really! Disney Faeries, Hannah Montana, and don’t even get me STARTED on High School Musical. Oh, damn. It’s in my head. I just HAVE to rant now.

I was coerced into watching the first HSM movie by my friend Jazz. That bitch. I loved it, of course, because I was a high school girl, at the time, and I LOVE musicals. I opted out of seeing the sequel, at first, mainly because I hate being attached to anything considered trendy by those under 12.

Except Disney Princesses. Those chicks RULE.

Anyway, I continued to not see HSM2 until I baby-sat for my mom’s friend Heidi (who is totally on crack, but that’s another story entirely), and her little demon whined and complained until I stopped reading my book, which I HAD  to read for class and really didn’t like anyway, and watched the movie with her. I was rather entertained by it, until Zac Effron went around a golf course at night in an attempt to brood sexily while singing. Then I went back to my book.

A week later, I was discussing the parts of the movie I’d paid attention to with Jazz, when she pointed out something that had happened after the baseball scene that I, the chick who can smell man-on-man shenanigans three miles away with a cork in each nostril, did not notice.

“They switched clothes, you know.” I did not know. “You know, Corbin and Lucas. After the ‘I Don’t Dance’ queerfest. That scene was basically Ryan screaming ‘OMG! I am so gay for you, Chad!’ on a baseball field. And then they show up a scene later laughing and hugging and wearing each other’s clothes. How did you MISS that?!” I have no idea how I missed that. Because that brings my recent Disney-hateage into play.

Ryan Evans, the twin brother of the movies’ leading antagonist Sharpay (yes, like the dog), is gay. He is so flaming, the fire department has ordered him to stay away from gas stations and makes his sister carry a mini-extinguisher in her purse. The stage show (yes, High School Musical has a stage show) served to emphasize Ryan’s gayness, as had posters of boys in his on-stage “locker” and it was suggested that he had a crush on Troy (I’m going by the word of Crunchy and Jazz, who actually went to see it.). And now, with the release of HSM3, he has a graduation doll.

In a skirt.

Okay, okay, technically he’s wearing a kilt, but damnit, Disney, you are selling this product to young girls! Do you not KNOW that the proper way to wear a kilt is without any, erm, JUNK SUPPORT underneath?! Apparently, you do not. And now little girls will be spending Christmas checking out plastic dude junk.

Fabulous.

Y’know what, Disney? I’m done. High School Musical and it’s catchy musical numbers and misleading male characters can bite me. Don’t worry, darlings, I’m kosher.

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