Come on in, the Comics are Fine!

Gonna be switching comic stores in a week, darlings, so the book load may suffer a bit for a while. But that is for later. For now, we’ve got ten books to address, and boy do I hope they don’t suck.

Gotham City Sirens is officially a year old! Twelve issues in, and I’m still as hooked as I was at issue one. The open-ended plot hole from the Blackest Night: Catwoman issue is finally acknowledged! Maggie Kyle has completely flipped her shit, ladies and gentlemen. She’s convinced that there’s a demon is the Catwoman (please hold all porn title jokes), and that she alone can save her. It’ll be sister vs. Sister in a battle for Selina’s very soul!

This month, Kara and Atlee take a little homoerotic trip through Atlee’s home city. The fanboys are gonna freak when they get a look at their spa-wear. A bit of “BFF bonding” later, Atlee takes Kara to meet her parents. Yeah, I really hope I’m not the only one getting the feeling that Atlee is taking Peeg through the standard boyfriend hoops. Skip a bit further into the issue and lo and behold, Vartox is back! To, uh, harass Kara some more, apparently. The issue ends with yet another blast from the past as the Vega 9 girls invest in Starrware and Kara’s employees throw her a party. Fun fact: there is nothing nerdier than sipping champagne from beakers.

Gonna read Green Lantern now. I kinda feel like dropping this title because it’s been kinda dull and- oh. THE RAGE KITTY RETURNS! Okay, I may not be too keen on the emotional spectrum idea, but any Corps that inducts felines made of pure hate is good in my book. The entities of the emotional spectrum have names now, bby the way. I myself am partial to Adara the Hope and Proselyte the Comassionpus. The thing looks like an octopus, guys. I’m gonna be calling it the Compassionpus from now on. And oh my, someone seems to be capturing entities. Looks like we’ve stumbled into our next story arc! Also, it looks like Atrocious has a crush on Mera. This…properly executed, this could end up being hilarious. And finally- wait, Lobo?! What the heck is he doing here? Okay, I’m intrigued. Green Lantern, you’re off the chopping block for now.

Ganthet is awesome. Seriously, read Green Lantern Corps. The guy renounced his Guardian status to become a Green Lantern, the forged his own power ring. Badassery is flowing off of him in waves. In other news, joining the Alpha Lanterns no longer seems to be a choice. God rest ye poor souls of justice.

And Roy too seems to have flipped! I mean, not that I blame him. But, fighting Cheshire with a stapler?! Royboy, you can do better. And then there was bondage! And then…sex. Or not. Bwahaha, cockblocked by grief. Oh. Oh god. Oh, no, baby. Don’t fall off the wagon. Nonono…don’t, god, Roy. What have you done to yourself? What have you done to your friend? I, I don’t think I can read this anymore.

(please note that the above review was written as I read the comic. This is a reaction review at best, and I apologize.)

The art in The Return of Bruce Wayne really sucked this month. At one point, Booster has a horse face. I am not pleased. But the story was pretty good. Pick it up, boys and girls, you won’t be disappointed.

I was really excited for Teen Titans this month. Not the main story, but the second feature. Zachary Zatara is going to be in comics again! I danced with joy. But will the actual story live up to expectations? “Cyborg moves in mysterious ways”. I snorted. I did. Ask anyone. And Gar? Please. Shut the hell up about Raven. We get it, she’s priority-1 for you. Now shut up. Oh, and it looks like Cassie’s pulling the “I’m the leader” card regarding her massive case of PMS. Stress on, stressy. Ooh, now Kon and Lorena are getting all chummy. Man, does everyone on this team have PMS this month? All the chicks seemed to be synched up. Now, before anyone emails me about being sexist, stop. I’m a girl. I get PMS. Ocassionally, my best friend and I synch up for the ultimate in bitchery. And now back to our scheduled programming. Juust in time for the second feature, excellent. Oh, Zat. I know why you’re miserable. You miss Eddie. Just let it out, hon. Ooh, looks like he’s gonna get his wish, too! God, I love this second feature more than I love the actual comic.

Ah, Justice League: Generation Lost. Let’s hope that it won’t be like last wee-

Ted Kord committed suicide.

Rrrgh. NERD RAGE. MAAAAAAAX! I swear, I’m nerdraging so hard right now, I’m surprised that there isn’t a red ring on this finger. ARGH. AND HE BROKE UP GUY AND ICE?!

Get my coat and hat, I’m going hunting.

Oh, wait. He’s leaving Booster alone. So far. And then comes the best damn comic speech I’ve ever read. Oh Booster, I love you so.

OH MY GOD IN HEAVEN ABOVE

TED MAY BE ALIVE

AND MONITORING THE JLI

HOLY BALLS

I’ll be in my bunk, you guys. Until next week, this is ToG, signing out. Peace.

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