People all over the world, join hands. Start a FAIL TRAIN

Medium-sized week we’ve got here, folks. Five books, and I’m only expecting three of them to be good. Shall we just get down to it?

Why do I keep torturing myself with Brightest Day? I hate this book so much, but I can’t stop reading it. Is this my karmic retribution for everything bad I’ve ever done? Am I a masochist? Whatever the reason, the fail train just keeps on rolling. This week was very J’onn and Aquaman heavy, and we’ve finally sort of learned something about the new Aqualad. Namely, he’s Black Manta’s son. Except, because of the new Young Justice animated series that’s coming out, we already know that. We’ve all known for weeks. Seriously, Geoff, why bother ending the issue on a cliffhanger that we all saw coming? J’onn’s story isn’t any better. I mean, is it me, or should Martians, who are very weak against fire, not have heat vision? I mean, really, that’s just common sense. I’m gonna try and get off the fail train now and…crap, fifteen more stops before we reach our destination?! Are you serious?! Aw, fine. I guess I can stay on a bit longer.

Damnit Tony, you magnificent bastard. I’m officially buying R.E.B.E.L.S. again. I have a recipe for instant space awesome: just add Lobo. Tell me I’m wrong. And now Lobo has a red ring which…while I’m kinda pissed that Geoff managed to get his hooks into friggin’ Lobo with his multi-Lantern bullshit, I can’t help but admit that seeing him as a Red Lantern would scare any sentient being to death. I mean, it’s Lobo. With a red ring. Yeah, I just peed a little in my mind. Also, who has ever had fantasies about Brainiac crying like a baby? Well my friends, wish fulfilled. And ohh is it sweet. This issue was so good, I think I may need a cigarette.

JSA: All-Stars was interesting this week. I mean, anyone that knows me knows that I dig mythology. You put a story about gods and goddesses in front of me, and I’ll be like, hell yes! So a story about the rising of the fictional gods and goddesses of Paladore has me on board like you cannot believe. There’s a few moments of humor, such as when Power Girl is mentally monologuing, and she apologizes for using flowery language, but fighting gods really brings that out in her. Or where the rest of the team is buying hot dogs. I love banter, it’s pretty much my weakness. But yeah, beyond awesome main issue, would read again. Second feature…I can dig it. Any story with Jesse and Rick involved makes me happy, but this has really been a great tale. They finally got the staff! Woooo! This calls for a sexy party! Yeah, no. But still, they’ve got the staff, Blue is probably dead, end of story, right? What? Cliffhanger?! Oho, well played, Van Meter, well played.

I don’t like you very much, Mr. Winick (WINIIIIIIICK!). I think you, and everyone that reads this blog, have figured that out by now. But right now, you are writing two books that involve some of my favorite DC character, therefor, I must put up with you. That being said, fuuuuck you and the horse you rest your typewriter on! Since apparently firing Pablo Raimondi two issues in, the art has been getting progessively better under the pencils of Jeremy Haun. I’m in love with this art, and I may have to add Mr. Haun to my creator list. He honestly reminds me a bit of Scott Kolins, back when he was drawing the Flash. All the characters look a little bit sketchy, but it’s all cool because the backgrounds rock out loud. All fit together, it works. I’ve already insulted Judd Winick (WINIIIIICK!) enough today, so let’s move on to the good writer.

Oh Gail, forever thou art my savior. I could create a religion around this woman, if I truly wanted. Trust in Gail and be saved. With banter. The Six is now…two teams? The old guard, plus Black Alice on one side, then Bane and Jeanette, Lady Vic, Dwarfstar, King Shark (I’M A SHAAAAAAARK), and Giganta on the other. An interesting team to put together, but then again, Deathstroke already claimed most of the for interesting villains for his Titans team. I mean, how else do you explain letting King Shark and Dwarfstar on your team? Then again, Dwarfstar and Giganta appeared in Gail’s ‘All-New Atom’ book and…ooh, does Giganta know Ryan Choi is dead? I don’t think she does. Ooh, this is gonna suck when she finds out. But yeah, good issue. The two teams are dropped into a Savage Land-esque setting, and I think they’re gonna be made to battle it out. I can’t wait until next issue to find out.

Well, that’s a wrap for this week, folks. If you missed the last announcement, the ToG Blog is still on Facebook under Touchof Grey, and you can follow me personally on Twitter under touchofgrey37. I’m ToG, and I’ve got some laundry to do. Peace out, y’all.

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