I don’t wanna lick a doorway!

Holy cow, big week. I’m not even kidding. Fifteen books, you guys. And all of October is looking like this. Well, let me just crack my knuckles and get down to it.

It wouldn’t be the horror month without a return to Blackest Night. I know, even with Brightest Day halfway over, we just can’t seem to let this putrid corpse lie still. Untold Tales of the Blackest Night features a handful of stories from behind the scenes of the series. You have your longer stories, like the Donna Troy turning into a Black Lantern and the Scarecrow embracing fear fully upon recieving his Sinestro Corps ring, and then there are the one/two page stories, like the Rainbow Raiders thing. They never even got to face off against the Flash, the real Flash, not counting the time Johnny Quick and Power Ring fought them while disguised as Flash and Green Lantern back in JLA, and they drank poison and died. What the hell, man?! I am disappoint, DC. The Animal Man story was pretty kickass. He was a White Lantern for a time, too? Sweet! Oh, and then there was this thing about Lyssa Drak escaping from the Book of the Black, so I think we’ll probably be seeing her again soon in Green Lantern Corps.

The Return of Bruce Wayne is back, holy crap! We’re approaching the home stretch, folks! I can’t tell you how long I’ve been waiting for this…to end. I’m not a Batman fan by any stretch of the term, but I’ve been reading this series to keep up with the things that will be happening with the Batfamily members I do like. Bruce has made it all the way to…his childhood? In the days following his parents murders, no less. It’s an interesting concept, but I’m a little disappointed that big Bruce never got to meet little Bruce. That would have been cool.

I’m just going to combine the three Bruce Wayne: The Road Home one-shots into one review, mainly because I’m feeling lazy. Bruce Wayne on Dick Grayson: “He is poetry in motion, calm, confident.” We get it, Bruce. Your boner for him is HUGE. So, Bruce is god now? I mean, I’m sure people have been thinking he’s god for awhile, but the Redone-shot is pretty much confirming it. I’m not sure I can even finish reading this, you guys. I just…I’m not digging it. This isn’t even Brightest Day quality bad. The Batgirl one-shot is the only one I’m buying. I mean it, even if it takes me a month to get it. It’s on my list. Steph slaps Bruce across the face! It was awesome!

Adventure Comics is such a sweet book. I mean that in both the d’aww version of sweet, and the awesome version of sweet. Where else are you going to get to see Legionnaires help the Kents raise a barn? Or Brainy as a ‘human’? I swear, if it didn’t have that shitty Atom second feature, this would be up there on my list of top books.

Holy Mothra! That sonuvabitch killed the Coyote Kid! But…wasn’t he already dead? Welcome to Tranquility isn’t my favorite of Gail’s books, even though it originally appealed to my undeserved sense of Golden Age-nostalgia, but this is just…you can’t kill the dead. It’s impossible. There’s nothing alive left to kill. But Derek, he managed it. He ripped off limbs. And he may have killed Seresa Lindo. He tried to rape Minxy Millions. Gail, you’ve created a monster. You’ve created something that shakes me to my very core. Thank you.

Knight and Squire starts this month! Only six issues, but I’ve been looking forward to it for soooo long. Something about British heroes just tickles my fancy in the best of ways. It seems like these are going to be six done-in-one books about superhero life overseas, and I’m just fine with that. It’s definitely a change in pace from the other minis that have been coming out lately. This first issue involves an altercation in an old pub protected by truce magic. It was an interesting read, and I’d recommend it to anyone interested in that sort of thing.

So long as the Green Lantern title doesn’t focus solely on Hal Jordan, I think I can stomach it. This issue we meet Adara, the triple-beaked pedo bird of hope. Why is it a pedo? It’s host is a 14-year old girl. We also get to see a bit of relationship angst between Hal and Carol, which is just so nice. Hear the sarcasm? But the real star of this issue is Larfleeze. Somehow, Larfleeze has gone from loathed ultra-hoarder to woobie of the DCU. He’s even going to have his own Christmas special, if you can believe it. You go, Larfleeze!

Oh no, Guy. Say it ain’t so. Last issue, he was gonna get purged of the red. This issue, he isn’t, all on Bleez’s suggestion. There’s honestly very little I can say about this issue. It was…alright, I guess. And it’s kinda cool to know that the Big Bad is planning on steering the willpower train of the universe via telepaths, but it just didn’t wow me. Sorry, Emerald Warriors.

I see what you did there, Generation Lost. And you thought I wouldn’t notice that the dreamstate human personification of Gold looks more than a little like our dear Booster. Also, Max Lord a sociopath? Really, DC? You’re trying to say that the fast-talking lord of the schmooze is a sociopath? I don’t believe a word. What? What is this? The Metal Men have combined Voltron style to form a giant monster? Sigh, okay. I’ll buy it. One last thing: badass Ice? Probably one of the coolest things I’ve ever seen, pun so very much intended.

Oh god, I can’t stop laughing! I hope we have this creative team on Booster Gold forever. This entire issue, from the eating and regurgitating of chipmunk!Ted to Booster crossing himself and praying (and isn’t he supposed to be an athiest?) before socking Estrogina in the gut…it was all too brilliant. Go buy this comic, I command it of you.

Well, that was this week in comics. Sorry it’s a half-hour past deadline, my internet was out. I was quite angry. Do, do I still have to lick a doorway? Guys? Er, this is Touch of Grey saying goodbye for now, and please don’t make me lick a doorway.

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