Last week, on Days of Our Lives…

Last week of the year, faithful readers! Oh, 2010, how sad I am to see you go. Pff, nah. Farewell, 52 weeks of partial disappointment, partial euphoria, hello 2011! A new year, full of endless possiblities. Also, this is the year I’m finally allowed to legally imbibe, which means that come March, I will be inventing the DC Comics Drinking Game. But that will be then. This is now, and I plan on reviewing these five books as well as they deserve.

Action Comics’ main story ends with a cliffhanger and features Vandal Savage alternating between sweet and murderous. It’s an interesting concept, but does it work? Yes and no. While it’s obvious that Vandal still cares greatly for his daughter, Scandal, he is still a man of goals. Since it has been prophesized that Lex Luthor would bring him his greatest happiness, he’ll do anything to make that prophecy come true. It’s my personal belief that Vandal’s greatest happiness would come in the form of a son from Scandal, but since that will never happen willingly, I’m guessing some shenanigans will be involved to make it so.
When a second feature begins with the line “I am not a male prostitute”, you know that you’re in for a few chuckles. And when the punchline is basically “Jimmy Olsen marries the daughter of Mr. Mxy in a story worthy of the Silver Age”, as well as the news that the story itself leads into a new Jimmy Olsen ongoing, well, it’s enough to make a girl positively giddy.

I hate it when I have to admit that I liked an issue of Green Lantern. In my defense, Hal Jordan didn’t show up at all this issue, it was focused entirely on Atrocious, the Butcher, and the Spectre. Hal Jordan on the cover was a lie, the best lie I’ve ever seen. Geoff, please know that I don’t hate you. I really don’t. You’re an excellent writer, you have the ability to create witty, interesting, convincing characters, but you’re in love with Hal Jordan. When it comes to him, your fanboy hat comes on, as well as your nostalgia goggles, and you refuse to characterize him as anything but Jesus reborn and walking the Earth. This Red Lantern focused issue was awesome, and I hope you do more in the future, perhaps even one that would reveal more about the Indigo Tribe, or something that tells us what Larfleeze’s oath is. The comic community will thank you.

A jealous woman is a horrific thing. I would never want to be in love with the same man as Talia al Ghul, that bitch would rip me apart. What does this have to do with Gotham City Sirens? Everything. Zatanna, Talia, and Selina are all in love with Bruce Wayne. don’t ask me why, I don’t see the appeal. But remember, back in the second issue where a flashback sequence showed Selina and Talia talking, and Talia said that they were the only two women Bruce had ever really loved? Well, she got one woman right. I’m convinced that Bruce has never loved Talia, a woman many have considered to be a psycho, but has pretty much always loved Selina, in any identity she chooses to take. Talia can’t stand that, so she wants Selina’s memories of Bruce gone. Luckily, Zatanna caught on at the last second, shippers rejoice.

Oh, Teen Titans. At $2.99 a book again, I am pleased to say that I can afford to buy you and your pretty, pretty art again. JT Krul and Nicola Scott have been doing a great job with the new team, and I’m really looking forward to seeing where they’re going with the Hindi chick. But the real stars of this issue are Robin and Ravager. I really hope Rose doesn’t have a Robin fetish or anything, because that could get real creepy real fast. We’re going to see next issue whether or not the team wild cards play well together, and I can’t wait.

Wow, Scott Kolins. That’s really bad art you’ve got in Flash this month. I mean, holy shit. I have never seen Eobard Thawne drawn so badly in my life. But the story is…okay, I’m going to be frank. Geoff, you really knocked it out of the park in Green Lantern, but this issue of Flash sucks. It really does. The idea that Zoom spends his later life time travelling to make his earlier life easier is absurd. Rip Hunter and the rest of the Time Masters exist to prevent this sort of thing from happening. Every change Eobard made to his life would immediately be undone by Rip or Booster, and therefor no change would occur. You’re the one who rebooted the idea of the Time Masters back in 52 and the earliest run of the new Booster Gold series, what the hell are you doing contradicting yourself like this? I am disappoint, Geoff.

See you next year, lads and lasses! This it ToG reminding you to stay groovy, bundle the hell up, and always support your Local Comic Store by saying no to food and saying yes to comics! Peace out, and a happy new year!

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