Archive for March, 2011

Sorry for the delay

Oh, I’m excited! Guess what comes out today? You may remember it from last year, early last year. No clue? Kick-Ass 2 #2! I know, that wasn’t cancelled. Aside from that, we’ve got five DC books to go through and not a lot of time. Shall we?

Lex Luthor, you’re a moron. I mean, you find a giant ship that looks like a head, and you don’t think Brainiac is inside?! I mean, you worked for him for a time, let’s get real here. Oh, okay. Bad acting. Way to fake your way through that, Lexy babe. BRAINIAC IS ORGANIC DAMNIT. He isn’t a machine. He is of the planet Colu. He should not have probes coming out of his brain. Well. This explains…nothing. So the nanites in Lex’s bloodstream placed there by Lois were being controlled by the unholy demon boss of Mr. Mind. That makes perfect sense. I’m going to write this off as a batshit insane Lex Luthor story and be done with it.

Oh shit. Well, that was so worth the wait. Kick-Ass joins a Justice League style team called Neighborhood Watch, finds a new BFF in a kid that goes to his school and also fights crime, and then they take on some Mafia guys. Fast-paced action, some nice storytelling, I’m re-hooked. Let’s hope it doesn’t take another year for the third issue.

Hal, Guy has built up an imunity to ‘one-punch’, what the hell are you doing. Okay, I think I get it now. The entire point of War of the Green Lanterns is to get Hal to take off his ring. But Hal won’t take his ring off. He’s only been able to commit to one thing in his life, and that’s the Corps. Whoops, spoke too soon. So tell me this, boys. How do you plan on defeating the entire Green Lantern Corps without rings? Am I the only person that wants to see Hal Jordan: Sinestro Corps honorary member? That’d make a nifty action figure, and also a really good start for some slashfic. Hal putting on Sinestro’s ring to defeat the Corps, using the impurity immunity against Krona. Give the fandom something to work with, guys! Also, the art this issue was just amazing. Fernando Pasarin, you can stay the rest of the arc and more if you want to, I’ll be happy to stare googly eyed at your pretty, pretty Guy.

Just from the cover and first page of Gotham City Sirens, I worry for Harley. As far as female characters go, she’s a, pardon the expression, cash cow. DC isn’t going to kill her off. But they may end up shelving her for a while, depending on how this storyline plays out. Oh. Goddamn. See, this is something that scares me about good writers. I know how stupid that sounds, don’t get ahead of me. Good writers, like Paul Dini, can get you to like a character. Invest yourself emotionally. Maybe even find things in that character that you relate to. Writers like Peter Calloway can get you to worry for a character in a way you normally reserve for a close friend. I’ve been to a lot of comic shops in my life, and even more conventions. And I’ve never been to one where someone didn’t have a piece of Harley Quinn paraphernalia, wasn’t dressed up as a version of Harley. I talk to people. One woman I talked to said she was only dressed as Harley because her boyfriend was dressed as the Joker. One girl said that she’d grown up with Harley in the cartoons. And one woman said that she’d always hated Harley. “But when she finally split up with the Joker for good and for reals,” she said, repainting the places on her face where the white makeup had rubbed off during her time walking around the convention center. “It sort of reminded me of when I got the restraining order against my ex-husband. You try and give them all the love you have, but they don’t want it. All they want to do is take and take and hurt and hurt, until you just ain’t sure what’s you anymore, and what it is they’ve programmed into you.” I don’t have a good memory, but I’ll never forget that conversation, that woman. I hope she doesn’t read this issue. And if she does, I hope she’s somewhere safe.

Honestly, I just want to spend my review of the latest issue of Zatanna gushing about how much I love Dr. Bodie. A shrink that lives between realms and caters exclusively to magicians and magical beings both good and evil?! Leave it to come from the mind of Paul Dini. And that cover…no one draws the ladies like Adam Hughes, no one. He just has this dynamic style that I’ve always thought best reserved for covers and pin-ups, but ironically, he was the person who drew the first comic book I ever read. I hope Oscar Hampnel doesn’t become a recurring character, he freaks me out. Stay canned, you creepy bastard.

Where the fuck is Tim jumplining in from?! Did he just…jump off the roof? What was the point of that, Tim? They’re called stairs, try them. Now now ladies, don’t fight. I swear, Rose and Cassie just need to make out get over their issues and work together already. Right there. That group shot, for just a second, had Bart looking a little like Bart again. Aaand next page we’re back to Wally-lite. The kid never had freckles, and his hair isn’t red. It’s a dark brown. Ooh, the pissy bitchometer is off the charts today. Whoa! Demon! Didn’t see that one coming. No, really, that was kinda off my radar, no sarcasm meant. Good to see J.T. Krul can keep me on my toes still. So, Cassie and her mom are on the demon plane? Is she going to come back into the human world after an hour and a decade has passed? Okay, enough Yu Yu Hakusho fanfic references from me tonight. I’m intrigued. Teen Titans, you pass muster for this month.

Well, that’s the comic review. So sorry about the late, late update, but Florida sort of fails as a state. My internet was down for ages, so I’ve just been reading The Walking Dead trades and playing Spider Solitaire until it came back on. See you next week. Same place, much, much earlier time!

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Get my…blue ring?! What?

A medium sized week, but it doesn’t look disappointing. Then again, a new DC event, War of the Green Lanterns, begins this week with the first two parts being released simultaneously, so we’ll see. Shall we get down to it?

Not interested in the main story within Batman Inc this month, gimme some of that Kathy Kane. Now, as someone who has actually read some Kathy Kane/Batwoman stories (tacky colors, ugly mask, the friggin’ purse…), she was a joke. She was just a female counterpart to Batman that either a.) needed to be saved or b.) was a romantic plot device to drive the Dynamic Duo apart. But Grant, I’ve gotta say, you’ve done good work in making me want to respect this danger-loving, hell-raising reimagining. Now if we could just talk for a moment about Jason Todd…
Also, Dick is ridiculously adorable to the point of me exclaiming it out loud. I mean, really. This jealousy is just so…Silver Age, it’s laughable. Oh you little darling.

Ahh, and so the storyline from the Legion of Supervillians one-shot continues! I hope this means more Mekt. I just…love watching him screw up. Is that so wrong? I want to keep him in my glorious hall of idiots that can never win but look pretty forever. Speaking of, stuttery Brainy will never not be endearing to me. Thom and Nura are one of my original Legion OTPs, I’m glad to see them back in the same century again. Brin Londo is the definition of badass. The original man/beast hybrid type thing. Suck it, Wolverine (don’t actually suck it Wolverine, Rule #34 doesn’t need any more ideas). “I didn’t ask for this job, you know.” Uh, trying to say something, Mr. Levitz? I mean, I know about Mon-El being elected made you a mite bitchy becaus of how it would interrupt story flow, but c’mon. Brainiac 5’s superpower is being able to compliment you and insult you at the same time. He’s a quantum jerk and we love him for it. Oh look, the mysterious Professor Li is back! So, does this mean we finally get some background on her? Maybe? Please? Cliffhanger, okay. That works too.

War of the Green Lanterns begins in Green Lantern #64, and holy shit. It’s a giant Hal Jordan wank-fest. No, I’m just…I can’t. For starters, it’s a ship war. Hal/Carol, Hal/Sinestro, Hal/Parallax…all are represented here. And that last one is just freaky. “My precious Hal.” When the fucking living embodiment of fear thinks you’re just swell, you’ve got problems. I mean, real, serious, let’s-all-go-to-the-psychiatrist problems.

The second part in Green Lantern Corps isn’t much better. This time, it’s a Kyle Rayner I’m-going-to-whine-about-not-being-good-enough parade. Kid, you’ve saved the universe multiple times. You’ve saved the multiverse at least once. Cut yourself some fucking slack and if someone says you’re not good enough, bitch-slap them with a construct of your dick.

Alex is the Brainiac/Luthor clone. I’m throwing it out here first. That’s what the little freak is. Lex and Brainy1’s baby with a bit of Kryptonian DNA thrown in. Or he’s Match unrottified and given an upgrades. I mean, that’s what kind of vibe I’m getting here. There is no way this little bastard is human, just no way. Oh, and Damian is precious here. Just…this kid. I love how he’s somehow mastered Brainiac 5’s superpower from a thousand years away. Adorable little kitten.

OMACs. Why did it have to be OMACs?! Well, because it’s Max Lord killing Wonder Woman, doy. But in all honesty, this is the first issue of Generation Lost in which not only did I not ask for my red ring, I laughed. And covered my face. And called Gavril a precious baby cherub out loud in front of the Heroclix guys. Seriously, I love that guy. Give him his own series about having WACKY misadventures in America while Fire and Ice guest star constantly. Hell, make it a people of ethnicity series, lose the ‘I am a confused foreigner, what’s going on’ element, add in Jaime (our Lord and savior) and his family, and you’ll have a fun adventure book that makes people laugh. I would read this book religiously. But really, Gavril and Skeets are the stars of this book, don’t try to fool me. “Batman remembers Max Lord?” “Yes.” “Thank. You. God.” Y’know, for an athiest, Booster sure thanks that big imaginary friend he doesn’t believe in a lot.

I’m hungry. Why is it that that’s what I always end these posts with? But yeah, I’m hungry, no more books to read, and my computer is running out of juice. So I’m gonna go get some food, see you crazy kids here same time next week? Groovy.

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Teddy/Billy shippers, hold onto your shit

Somehow, I managed to wrangle myself ten books, and not all are from DC! One of these is a total surprise to me, mainly because I had no clue that a new Young Avengers mini was running, let alone it having a spinoff one-shot. I’m excited, but also sad. Because Knight and Squire ends today. Ah, well, let’s get to it, shall we?

As always, we start off with Fail Train. I just can’t get into Firestorm storylines. I have no attachment, no affection for the character. Except, apparently the White Lantern is very pleasant to them. Wait, what? What just happened? Heroic sacrifice from..? Okay, the White Lantern? Is a dick. Whatever happened to J’onn?! Is that storyline just…over? I demand the end of that story! No one cares about Firestorm!

The Flash in Superman is Barry, not Wally. Either way, pie is had. Moving on.

So Shrike is really…? Oh man, oh man. This was supposed to be a funny title, what happened here? Do they really have a naked hero called Birthday Girl? I mean, seriously? England, I love you. Never change. Oh my god. Squire, you’re amazing. Brilliant. Remember the truce magic at the pub from issue #1? Well, not even American villains are immune, it seems. You were a hoot and a half, Knight and Squire, I can only hope you’re given another mini, or better yet, an ongoing, soon as possible.

Ever read a comic that just causes you to sigh and shake your head? I haven’t seen any of the new Young Justice show since the third episode, and I’m okay with that. I don’t watch a lot of TV. But this comic is just…confusing to me. The entire other issue, both of them, really, was just a dreamlike state brought on by a G-Gnome that has a crush on Superboy? Well, okay. We’ll go with that. I think I’m going to try and catch up on the show before the next issue, just to be sure.

Adventure Comics as a Legion Academy book…I wasn’t sure how I felt about that before, but I guess I can roll with it well enough. This Hadru kid, I jut want to smack. Glorinth is about as naive as Teen Titans Go Starfire, with about as much power to make her dangerous. And Dragonwing…her look is seriously the only thing about her that I like. The rest of this particular arc seems like it’s going to revolve around Hadru and his genemod, and saving his family from baddies. Eh, I can keep reading, see what happens. Not particularly enthused, though.

Okay, so, this is a story set after Generation Lost? You couldn’t do a couple of stand-alone issues first, Judd? Because some of the dialogue and all of the events are kind of a gigantic spoiler alert. Though Superman initiating a conversation about Kara’s breasts is kind of funny, so you’ve got points for that. The pseudo-sexual dialogue between Kara and Nicco, however, made me squirm uncomfortably. Like, really uncomfortably. A man and a woman can interact without being realted and be friends, Judd. This has happened in the past, you know.

I’m going to be perfectly honest here. Marcus To, your art is ridiculously pretty. Anyway, to the story. This is the conclusion of that Uternet thing and in it, Tim fights the Madmen. Remember them? Psychos that fought Blue Beetle back in the day? Anyway, in the last Crisis, Darkseid got ahold of them and made them into living servers for the Uternet. And apparently, he also made them really…yeah. By the way, the cover with a bunch of men and two women throwing themselves at Tim has nothing to do with the story. It just exists to make people raise eyebrows. Ooh, but what’s this? The Uternet has been shut down…or has it? Lonnie can’t really exist in the real world, but in the Uternet, the coma patient is king.

If Marcus To’s art is too pretty, then Claude St. Aubin’s art is too sexy. I mean, he draws the absolute hottest Lobo to ever roam the hallowed halls of DC. Tony Tony Tony, why’d you have to go and change Lobo’s origin like that? Czarnians were supposed to be peaceful people, and the trait that made Lobo so different was how he was prone to violence. Ah, well. The fact that they all dressed like KISS rejects kinda makes up for the re-origining. Kinda. Man, I just had a thought that gave me chills. In this new origin, all Czarnians can regrow themselves from a single drop of blood. So…what happens when a female Czarnian goes through menstruation? Yoof. And with that thought, I’ll move along.

My first thought upon seeing the team shot in the Young Avengers Children’s Crusade one-shot: Where’s Billy? And Kate and…Tommy? Oh, the shippers are gonna shit. Anyone else pissed that we got to see Billy give Nate mouth-to-mouth before we get to see him kiss Teddy? That’s just kinda messed up. To me. This is a comic that I literally spent half the time leaning back away from the page I was reading. I’ve freaked over YA comics before, but goddamn. Now I need to find backissues of the Children’s Crusade issues before next month. I need to know what happens to my babies.

Twilight Guardian is a consistantly good book. I’m sad that it’s a mini, and that it’s an issue from over. This time around, the Guardian is going over comic samples of a comic based on her, that a publisher has been sending her. Frankly, each is more terrible than the last. Obviously, they’re trying to parody the Big Two’s take on comics, and I find that pretty amusing.

That’s this week. I’m as amazed by the early post as you guys are, honest. But I’m going to be hanging with a friend tonight, so I wanted to post before he got to me. Catch you next week!

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What I thought to be a red ring kind of day has become so much…bluer.

Oh my god, you guys. Eleven books. And not a single one of them is fail train and- oh. Generation Lost. Ahem. Lemme get my red ring.

Let’s start out with the Legion of Super Villains one-shot. I’m a pretty damn big fan of Lightning Lord and Saturn Queen, so I’m a little disappointed that the third of their trio, Cosmic King, was absent from this book. This issue was all about the most evil of the evil attempting to have their universe descend into chaos by destroying ancient worlds that keep the balance. The Rock of Eternity was the first to go (and whoa, was that a Shazam-hand I spy?! Is Thunder going to be making an appearance?), and Oa will be the last, so what is the world in between? The art was amazing, by the way, and my metaphorical boner for Mekt Ranzz was renewed.

Weird Worlds is fun. The Lobo story featured a couple of murders and a political triple-cross, which is actually pretty typical for Lobo. Not as many explosions as I’m used to, though. The Tanga story was…amusing. Drunk monster fighting, I can get behind that.

Couldn’t get into Batman Inc this month, moving on.

“He’s like a mirror-universe Al Gore!” I love you, Hourman. Oh my god. Wildcat, Tommy you precious flower. “I’m on a boat!” That was the single best entrance ever. I hope Roxy keeps her body, I really do. Citizen Steel needs some lovin’ too. But she claims that being human grosses her out, so, que sera sera. The little epilogue with Tyler and Roxy was sweet, so, she does keep her body?

I guess being in love with your cousin runs in both sides of Kon’s family. Lori Luthor, you have something in common with Silver Age Superman, your uncle would be so proud. Wait a second, ‘Garth’? Kon, Beast Boy’s name is Garfield. I love how they touched on Kon and Bart’s friendship. I mean, everyone knows that Kon is gay for is best friends with Tim, but people are always forgetting his friendship with Bart. Neither of them had a normal childhood, both grew up in artificial enviornments, and both have very big shoes that they’ll eventually need to fill. The boys are bros. And the winner is…Krypto! Aww, puppy for the win. Congratulations, Krypto!

I’m just going to talk about puppet Zatanna. She is, at once, the most awesome, and most terrifying thing. Your soul trapped in a puppet that you have no control over? Aggggh. The art and plots in this book just get better and better, I’m never disappointed.

Excuse me, what are a bunch of Deadpool wannabes doing henching for the Calculator? “Congratulations, you just pissed off Superman.” Oh Helena, I do love you. So, Oracle is dead. Except, Barbara Gordon is not. And tell the truth, Oracle isn’t exactly gone either. For now, Proxy is going to be the go-to girl when it comes to information retrieval, and Oracle is going to…I don’t know. Build a second internet, apparently. Good issue, good arc, but I was a little meh on the art. Also, here’s hoping that Mortis never makes another appearance, because good lord. Speaking of reappearances, hiya Misfit! I hope Gail tells us where she’s been, because I missed that girl.

Just kiss the poor detective, Steph. You know you want to. But enough of that. Frankly, the real star of this issue is the new Gray Ghost, Clancy Johnson. This nutbag is just completely adorable. He calls Steph his ‘beautiful bruise’. You precious, precious flower. Oh yeah, and Proxy is an angry abandoned child with a wild stripe in her hair. I’m getting a Jason vibe, and I don’t know why.

Wait a minute. I thought Aaron Langstrom was a tiny Bat-child? When did he go human? I would give another yell of Morrison ignores all canon but his own, except this entire arc is being written by Peter J. Tomasi.
…is Damian eating a Twinkie? Actually, if Alfred made it, it’s probably an eclaire, but still. This kid…he manages to be a genius one panel, a brat the next, and hilarious two panels after that. “That’s soooo incredibly interesting, I can’t wait to tweet it.” You precious child, I just want to strangle you with my love. You know, like your mom does. Zing! So, this White Knight is after all the relations of Arkham inmates? On one hand, while this will be an interesting situation to explore, you do know that eventually, the Knight will be targeting either Dick Grayson or Bruce Wayne because of their connections to Jason Todd, a current inmate, right? Right?

Oh my god, references to gay prison sex. Boys, never stop writing this book, I beg of you.

I take it back oh god I take it back! I have the worst case of crying. Booster! Baby! GET AWAY FROM THE END OF THE WORLD BEFORE YOU HURT YOURSELF!

Why. Why am I doing this to myself? Jaime was, is, was one of my favorite characters ever. My absolute favorite character introduced in comics following the year 2000. I loved that kid. I don’t want to see him lying on a table, still in his armor (his bug suit. He threw up in his bug suit. He was always good about losing his lunch in the early days.). I don’t want to listen to Booster and Skeets talking about taking him home. I don’t…what’s everyone else doing? Nate and Tora are fighting, Bea and Gavril are…oh. Okay. Get some, girl. Booster, you’re good at speechifying. But then again you’ve been getting in some good practice lately and-
oh my god.
Oh my god.
Cancel the lynch mob and the mourning vigils. Break open all the champagne. All of it. HE LIVES HE FUCKING LIVES GET ME MY BLUE RING JAIME REYES IS ALIVE!
Pfff Gavril and Booster’s faces. Huh, I just noticed how totally full of hunky blondes the JLI is. Well, okay then.

And that was this week in comics. Ahem. I have a date with some corned beef and cabbage, and maybe a celebratory entire bottle of Svedka in Jaime’s honor (not really, dad, I may be legal now, but that stuff stinks. Put down the gun.). Peace out, and I hope to see you here next week.

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Look at the cover of Secret Six and try to focus on something other than Scandal’s boots

Three books this week, pathetic. And one of them is fail train, so it’s more like only having two books. Oh, and another one is essentially just a lead-in to the next Green Lantern event. Oh, this is depressing. Let’s do this thing.

Hey look, it’s Jade! With the most lines she’s had since her resurrection. And we’re finally back on the J’onn storyline! SINCE WHEN DOES J’ONN HAVE HEAT VISION?! I know I’ve yelled this question before, but seriously. It makes no sense for the heat-sensitive Martian to have fire eyes. Hahaha we’re watching Martian porn unfold on the page. I turn the page, there’s gonna be a Source Wall there, isn’t it? I mean, this played out once between Superman and Darkseid. This exact scene. Ooh, the sun. Just as good, and gorey. Oooh, White Lantern J’onn is quite shiny and apparently impervious to fire. Wait. What the fuck did I just read? Okay, fail train. I am intrigued.

Man, the Guardians used to be tall. And, like, kinda built. Damn, Krona, got enough junk in that trunk? And Carol and Hal get into the classic damsel pose, fantastic. Holy crap, isn’t Sinestro’s head supposed to be huge and his body is small? Or is this just the most extreme of close-ups? Pff, way to call Hal on his addiction to boobies, Sinestro. So, Krona is to blame for the Manhunters murder spree? I actually think I like him a bit, the man gets shit done. Not good shit, oh no, but he does get it done.

I love Insignificus. He’s creepily adorable. And speaking of creepy adorable things, Ragdoll. I’ve loved this version of the character since Villians United. He’s whimsical, depraved, and probably insane, but he’s also the hardest of cores. It’s Secret Seven versus Ragdoll and the legions of hell, while Scandal’s new girlfriend is being put through an intense one-on-one straight camp from, well, hell. I’m really looking forward to the next issue.

And that was it! God, it’s not even 8 yet. Ah, well, look for me by Tumblr, my lovelies, and see you next week!

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