What I thought to be a red ring kind of day has become so much…bluer.

Oh my god, you guys. Eleven books. And not a single one of them is fail train and- oh. Generation Lost. Ahem. Lemme get my red ring.

Let’s start out with the Legion of Super Villains one-shot. I’m a pretty damn big fan of Lightning Lord and Saturn Queen, so I’m a little disappointed that the third of their trio, Cosmic King, was absent from this book. This issue was all about the most evil of the evil attempting to have their universe descend into chaos by destroying ancient worlds that keep the balance. The Rock of Eternity was the first to go (and whoa, was that a Shazam-hand I spy?! Is Thunder going to be making an appearance?), and Oa will be the last, so what is the world in between? The art was amazing, by the way, and my metaphorical boner for Mekt Ranzz was renewed.

Weird Worlds is fun. The Lobo story featured a couple of murders and a political triple-cross, which is actually pretty typical for Lobo. Not as many explosions as I’m used to, though. The Tanga story was…amusing. Drunk monster fighting, I can get behind that.

Couldn’t get into Batman Inc this month, moving on.

“He’s like a mirror-universe Al Gore!” I love you, Hourman. Oh my god. Wildcat, Tommy you precious flower. “I’m on a boat!” That was the single best entrance ever. I hope Roxy keeps her body, I really do. Citizen Steel needs some lovin’ too. But she claims that being human grosses her out, so, que sera sera. The little epilogue with Tyler and Roxy was sweet, so, she does keep her body?

I guess being in love with your cousin runs in both sides of Kon’s family. Lori Luthor, you have something in common with Silver Age Superman, your uncle would be so proud. Wait a second, ‘Garth’? Kon, Beast Boy’s name is Garfield. I love how they touched on Kon and Bart’s friendship. I mean, everyone knows that Kon is gay for is best friends with Tim, but people are always forgetting his friendship with Bart. Neither of them had a normal childhood, both grew up in artificial enviornments, and both have very big shoes that they’ll eventually need to fill. The boys are bros. And the winner is…Krypto! Aww, puppy for the win. Congratulations, Krypto!

I’m just going to talk about puppet Zatanna. She is, at once, the most awesome, and most terrifying thing. Your soul trapped in a puppet that you have no control over? Aggggh. The art and plots in this book just get better and better, I’m never disappointed.

Excuse me, what are a bunch of Deadpool wannabes doing henching for the Calculator? “Congratulations, you just pissed off Superman.” Oh Helena, I do love you. So, Oracle is dead. Except, Barbara Gordon is not. And tell the truth, Oracle isn’t exactly gone either. For now, Proxy is going to be the go-to girl when it comes to information retrieval, and Oracle is going to…I don’t know. Build a second internet, apparently. Good issue, good arc, but I was a little meh on the art. Also, here’s hoping that Mortis never makes another appearance, because good lord. Speaking of reappearances, hiya Misfit! I hope Gail tells us where she’s been, because I missed that girl.

Just kiss the poor detective, Steph. You know you want to. But enough of that. Frankly, the real star of this issue is the new Gray Ghost, Clancy Johnson. This nutbag is just completely adorable. He calls Steph his ‘beautiful bruise’. You precious, precious flower. Oh yeah, and Proxy is an angry abandoned child with a wild stripe in her hair. I’m getting a Jason vibe, and I don’t know why.

Wait a minute. I thought Aaron Langstrom was a tiny Bat-child? When did he go human? I would give another yell of Morrison ignores all canon but his own, except this entire arc is being written by Peter J. Tomasi.
…is Damian eating a Twinkie? Actually, if Alfred made it, it’s probably an eclaire, but still. This kid…he manages to be a genius one panel, a brat the next, and hilarious two panels after that. “That’s soooo incredibly interesting, I can’t wait to tweet it.” You precious child, I just want to strangle you with my love. You know, like your mom does. Zing! So, this White Knight is after all the relations of Arkham inmates? On one hand, while this will be an interesting situation to explore, you do know that eventually, the Knight will be targeting either Dick Grayson or Bruce Wayne because of their connections to Jason Todd, a current inmate, right? Right?

Oh my god, references to gay prison sex. Boys, never stop writing this book, I beg of you.

I take it back oh god I take it back! I have the worst case of crying. Booster! Baby! GET AWAY FROM THE END OF THE WORLD BEFORE YOU HURT YOURSELF!

Why. Why am I doing this to myself? Jaime was, is, was one of my favorite characters ever. My absolute favorite character introduced in comics following the year 2000. I loved that kid. I don’t want to see him lying on a table, still in his armor (his bug suit. He threw up in his bug suit. He was always good about losing his lunch in the early days.). I don’t want to listen to Booster and Skeets talking about taking him home. I don’t…what’s everyone else doing? Nate and Tora are fighting, Bea and Gavril are…oh. Okay. Get some, girl. Booster, you’re good at speechifying. But then again you’ve been getting in some good practice lately and-
oh my god.
Oh my god.
Cancel the lynch mob and the mourning vigils. Break open all the champagne. All of it. HE LIVES HE FUCKING LIVES GET ME MY BLUE RING JAIME REYES IS ALIVE!
Pfff Gavril and Booster’s faces. Huh, I just noticed how totally full of hunky blondes the JLI is. Well, okay then.

And that was this week in comics. Ahem. I have a date with some corned beef and cabbage, and maybe a celebratory entire bottle of Svedka in Jaime’s honor (not really, dad, I may be legal now, but that stuff stinks. Put down the gun.). Peace out, and I hope to see you here next week.

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