Sorry for the delay

Oh, I’m excited! Guess what comes out today? You may remember it from last year, early last year. No clue? Kick-Ass 2 #2! I know, that wasn’t cancelled. Aside from that, we’ve got five DC books to go through and not a lot of time. Shall we?

Lex Luthor, you’re a moron. I mean, you find a giant ship that looks like a head, and you don’t think Brainiac is inside?! I mean, you worked for him for a time, let’s get real here. Oh, okay. Bad acting. Way to fake your way through that, Lexy babe. BRAINIAC IS ORGANIC DAMNIT. He isn’t a machine. He is of the planet Colu. He should not have probes coming out of his brain. Well. This explains…nothing. So the nanites in Lex’s bloodstream placed there by Lois were being controlled by the unholy demon boss of Mr. Mind. That makes perfect sense. I’m going to write this off as a batshit insane Lex Luthor story and be done with it.

Oh shit. Well, that was so worth the wait. Kick-Ass joins a Justice League style team called Neighborhood Watch, finds a new BFF in a kid that goes to his school and also fights crime, and then they take on some Mafia guys. Fast-paced action, some nice storytelling, I’m re-hooked. Let’s hope it doesn’t take another year for the third issue.

Hal, Guy has built up an imunity to ‘one-punch’, what the hell are you doing. Okay, I think I get it now. The entire point of War of the Green Lanterns is to get Hal to take off his ring. But Hal won’t take his ring off. He’s only been able to commit to one thing in his life, and that’s the Corps. Whoops, spoke too soon. So tell me this, boys. How do you plan on defeating the entire Green Lantern Corps without rings? Am I the only person that wants to see Hal Jordan: Sinestro Corps honorary member? That’d make a nifty action figure, and also a really good start for some slashfic. Hal putting on Sinestro’s ring to defeat the Corps, using the impurity immunity against Krona. Give the fandom something to work with, guys! Also, the art this issue was just amazing. Fernando Pasarin, you can stay the rest of the arc and more if you want to, I’ll be happy to stare googly eyed at your pretty, pretty Guy.

Just from the cover and first page of Gotham City Sirens, I worry for Harley. As far as female characters go, she’s a, pardon the expression, cash cow. DC isn’t going to kill her off. But they may end up shelving her for a while, depending on how this storyline plays out. Oh. Goddamn. See, this is something that scares me about good writers. I know how stupid that sounds, don’t get ahead of me. Good writers, like Paul Dini, can get you to like a character. Invest yourself emotionally. Maybe even find things in that character that you relate to. Writers like Peter Calloway can get you to worry for a character in a way you normally reserve for a close friend. I’ve been to a lot of comic shops in my life, and even more conventions. And I’ve never been to one where someone didn’t have a piece of Harley Quinn paraphernalia, wasn’t dressed up as a version of Harley. I talk to people. One woman I talked to said she was only dressed as Harley because her boyfriend was dressed as the Joker. One girl said that she’d grown up with Harley in the cartoons. And one woman said that she’d always hated Harley. “But when she finally split up with the Joker for good and for reals,” she said, repainting the places on her face where the white makeup had rubbed off during her time walking around the convention center. “It sort of reminded me of when I got the restraining order against my ex-husband. You try and give them all the love you have, but they don’t want it. All they want to do is take and take and hurt and hurt, until you just ain’t sure what’s you anymore, and what it is they’ve programmed into you.” I don’t have a good memory, but I’ll never forget that conversation, that woman. I hope she doesn’t read this issue. And if she does, I hope she’s somewhere safe.

Honestly, I just want to spend my review of the latest issue of Zatanna gushing about how much I love Dr. Bodie. A shrink that lives between realms and caters exclusively to magicians and magical beings both good and evil?! Leave it to come from the mind of Paul Dini. And that cover…no one draws the ladies like Adam Hughes, no one. He just has this dynamic style that I’ve always thought best reserved for covers and pin-ups, but ironically, he was the person who drew the first comic book I ever read. I hope Oscar Hampnel doesn’t become a recurring character, he freaks me out. Stay canned, you creepy bastard.

Where the fuck is Tim jumplining in from?! Did he just…jump off the roof? What was the point of that, Tim? They’re called stairs, try them. Now now ladies, don’t fight. I swear, Rose and Cassie just need to make out get over their issues and work together already. Right there. That group shot, for just a second, had Bart looking a little like Bart again. Aaand next page we’re back to Wally-lite. The kid never had freckles, and his hair isn’t red. It’s a dark brown. Ooh, the pissy bitchometer is off the charts today. Whoa! Demon! Didn’t see that one coming. No, really, that was kinda off my radar, no sarcasm meant. Good to see J.T. Krul can keep me on my toes still. So, Cassie and her mom are on the demon plane? Is she going to come back into the human world after an hour and a decade has passed? Okay, enough Yu Yu Hakusho fanfic references from me tonight. I’m intrigued. Teen Titans, you pass muster for this month.

Well, that’s the comic review. So sorry about the late, late update, but Florida sort of fails as a state. My internet was down for ages, so I’ve just been reading The Walking Dead trades and playing Spider Solitaire until it came back on. See you next week. Same place, much, much earlier time!

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