Archive for May, 2011

Madness and Rainbows, must be the end of the month

This week, the last week of the month, is actually pretty tiny. Four books, three of which are a single continuing story and will be treated as such. Oh well, it’s still better than having to sit through Fail Train.

Gotham City Sirens is, quite frankly, all over the place. We get POV scenes from Selina, Harley, Black Mask (no, not the dead one)…everyone but Ivy and Batman. Central theme is this: Selina can’t seem to bail on her girls, Dick is a master manipulator, Bruce’s Joker-fixation is only slightly less intense than Harley’s, oh and speaking of whom, Harley has flipped her shit. If you can’t tell from the creepy ass cover, Harley is back to being Joker’s hench-wench with a vengeance. Oh, and remember that doctor she gassed a couple issues back? Turns out Harley isn’t the only doc with an inmate lover. The first Black Mask, Jeremiah Arkham, is going back to his lady love, though it seems their devotion to each other is mutual, unlike the nigh one-sided love between Harley and Joker. End result? This is probably my favorite arc so far. Jam packed with action, mayhem, romance and good old fashioned torture, this is the kind of thing comics should aspire to be.

I’m going to treat the issues of Green Lantern, Green Lantern Corps and Green Lantern Emerald Warriors as one big story…mainly because they are. They’re literally just one story spread out over three issues. And really, with these issues being parts seven, eight, and nine, I hope this means that this War of the Green Lanterns thing is drawing to an end.
First up is Green Lantern. Pff, Guy just barfed a blood cat onto a Guardian. This should’t make me laugh so hard. Ooh, and now we get back to the characters I actually care about. The Book of the Black has imprisoned the other members of the Crayola Calvary in their own memories and goddamn, is Indigo scary when she’s not compassionate. Ohh, I see what’s going on here. Krona is going to turn the four Earthmen into Guardians. Well, that’s just a great idea, isn’t it? Please note my sarcasm.
In Green Lantern Corps, we continue with part eight. Whoa! I did not see that coming! Well, at least it makes sense. In Legion of 3 Worlds, Sodam Yat mentioned how hard it was to find new recruits after they lost Mogo. And then there’s the fact that John is a pretty experienced planet-destroyer, if you think about it. I still say he’s going to be the one to die, though. Unless Mogo was the Lantern they were talking about..? In other news, I love how ineffectually effective Kyle is in this story. It’s just…it’s adorable.
Oh, fuck you Emerald Warriors. Guy doesn’t love the Corps more than anything, he loves Tora. You know it, I know it, shut the hell up. Raar. But hey, at least Kyle got to show off his healing powers, right?

I’m going to get going now, I’ve finally got someone to go see Thor with, so I’m taking advantage of that. See y’all next week, same time, same place!

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In which my feelings for Jason Todd cause my heart to explode

Eight books…what is this, the second week of the month?! In any case, we’ve got a new series, the ending of an arc, and the beginning of three new arcs, so let’s get to it!

Gates of Gotham begins this week, and christ. I think I may actually like a Batman-focused book. Say what you will about Batman and Robin, but that’s a Damian book and everyone knows it. The books begins in Old Gotham, and ends on a mystery. Who are the ‘four families’ of Gotham? ‘Old money’, obviously. So, Wayne, Elliot, Kane, and..? I’m going to go out on a limb and say Falcone. The Falcones are a mob family, and who really knows how far back their influence goes in Gotham? Alan Wayne built the bridges that were blown up, and Tommy ‘Hush’ Elliot’s name is on one of them, my guess that the third bridge is named after either a Kane or this mysterious fourth family. Okay, Gates of Gotham. I’m intrigued. Carry on.

Miss Martian is starting to turn into an Omega character, I’ve noticed. This is the…third time, I think, she’s been involved in a situation where someone has tried to control her mind, been unable to, and that’s the reason the hero she’s working with is able to win. She’s been showing up as a guest star in other titles lately, too. Hmm, how likely do you think the chance is that DC will resurrect their ‘Teen Titans Spotlight’ mini-series’ and make one about Miss Martian? Oh, and I know that I’m technically talking about the latest issue of Supergirl but c’mon, who do you think was the real star of this issue?

…why does Zatanna see her assistant, Mikey, as a man in her dream? Apparently the dream is based on reality, the reality of three years past. Did Mikey…used to be a man? That’s actually a pretty neat idea, magical sex-change. I’d like to state for the record that very few people beat Paul Dini when it comes to banter. Zatanna’s exchange with the Spectre was just glorious. Oh, and on the darker side of human existence, Brother Night escapes from prison, and the detective that works with Zee sometimes is apparently his son. Crazy world we live in, huh?

The less I say about this month’s Power Girl, the better. There’s going to be an epic shitstorm tonight, ladies and gents, and frankly, I want no part in it.

Can I just say that I love Colu? And Coluans? Especially when they panic? Because face it, if you can startle the smartest, most logical beings in the universe, you know you’re one scary MF. So, anyone else getting sick of Levitz dancing around who Professor Li actually is? Obviously, she’s some kind of immortal. But who? Which one? Of what planet? Stop teasing and tell us, damnit!

You know what? I don’t think I’m going to like Flashpoint very much. Just judging from the Booster Gold crossover, I’m not saying it’s going to suck, I’m just saying that I don’t think I personally will like it.

Oh christ, don’t tell me this is going to be one of those arcs for Teen Titans. Raven’s dad is a demon. Her current body is made of the blood of devil worshippers. We get it, she’s bred to be bad, so she should naturally want to side with the demons. Blah blah blah, wasn’t this story done to death back when Johns was on this book?

And now, the moment I’ve been waiting for for months. Those of you that follow my Tumblr may have some inkling of how much I absofuckinglutely love Jason Todd. Now, my boy has been treated like shit under several pens recently (Tony Daniel and Grant Morrison immediately springing to mind), but now we’re back to basics. We’re back to the guy that made Jason Todd into the Red Hood. If you’ve read this blog in the past, you know how much I loathe Judd Winick. He can’t write women. He can’t write teams. He can’t really write interpersonal relationships. But this man knows how to write Jason Todd. His Under the Hood story, in which the character using the Red Hood nom de crime was revealed to actually be Batman’s dead sidekick Jason Todd, was the first non-Dini written Batman work I’d liked in a while. I expect this three-issue arc to be on par with that. No, really. I expect it. After shitting so thoroughly all over Power Girl and the JLI for the better part of a year, you owe us, Winick. This is it. This is your redemption for making Peeg’s secret ID a Bruce Wayne/Oracle hybrid. This is for molding Ice into some kind of twisted gypsy stereotype. This is for letting us think Jaime was dead.
I’m going to read the book now.
I’m very scared.
What the hell is Roy Harper’s head doing on Jason Todd’s body? I know this is obvious some kind of artist error, so you’re the one to answer for that one, Gulliem March. But this, this is nice. They’re talking. And Bruce’s inner-monologue brings an interesting thought to mind. Jason could ruin everything Bruce has built up, just by revealing his real name. Remember, as far as the rest of the world is concerned, Jason Todd died years ago. Bruce Wayne’s first adopted son is stone cold, worm food, gathering moss. He could tear down the entire legacy by going up to a security guard and going, “Hi, I’m Jason Todd. Want to know everything about Batman?” But he hasn’t. He loves Bruce that much. Because even though he wasn’t avenged, Bruce is still his father.
Oww no you did not just say that Jason oh god why
In case no one was paying attention to Red Hood: The Lost Days, Jason and Talia had a fling. And at the time of said fling, Damian was probably like, five. Maybe six. Jason is rubbing the fact that he had sex with the mother of Bruce’s child in his face. Don’t do this to me, Judd. I already hate you, this is just inviting some kind of verbal threat, and I don’t want to go to jail. Hnnngh, and in an instant, Gulliem March makes me forget why I’m mad. Pretty sure that if I ever found a man that looked like that, and somehow managed to enchant him with my stunning (HA) personality, you folks would never hear from me again. Jesus on wheels, Jason pump a little more iron with your thighs why don’t you! Aaaah and that ridiculous pinup pose after the yard fight…Jason Todd, will you and your bedroom eyes please report to my home immediately? Also, did anyone notice how he was reading Pride and Prejudice? Pretty sure his hand was covering the ‘and Zombies’ part of that title, but that’s just me.
…is that a T-Rex smoking a cigar while toting a sniper rifle? Whelp, thank god they showed up on the last page, because I’m a little tired of spitting obsceities. That was fucking hilarious. No, seriously, who are these guys? Where did they come from? Who was playing god one day and decided to splice a man with a fucking dinosaur? I think I need to lay down.

And that was this week in comics. If anyone needs me, I’ll be curled in a ball, crying under my covers while stroking the action figure I have of Jason Todd as Robin. I mean, I know the packaging says Young Dick Grayson, but look at those bangs. Look at those thighs. It’s Jason, and anyone who says otherwise is kidding themselves. Same time next week, my lovelies?

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But, where shall I go for my awesome space adventures NOW?!

Man, I’m not ready for this. I can’t take it. R.E.B.E.L.S. can’t end today. I mean, if it ends, what am I going to do with all of my odd feelings for Claude St. Aubin’s art? What, I ask of you?! Seven books. I can put it at the end. I, I can do this.

Cassandra Cain’s new identity is BlackBat. I think I can handle this.

Okay, Fabian, Lynx is no Catwoman. Bat/Cat rooftop makeouts are not normal. Stop throwing women at Tim in hopes that he will bang him, this is not characterization, and it is not making you look any better. But you get points for the one-sided banter between Tim and Scarab, that was cute. I’m not really feeling this book anymore, I think the only thing that keeps me coming back is Marcus To’s pretty, pretty art.

The most dangerous thing for Batgirl in this issue is a young man’s boner for her. So large is his boner for her, he tells the people she was fighting to steer clear of her, because he is going to be fighting her from now on. Whaaaat? In other news, Wendy and the ghost of Marvin are going to Nanda Parbat! Road trip! Is it bad of me to hope that this leads Wendy to make peace with her condition and not seek rehabilitation? I like her as angry!Babs. It’s certainly made her more useful than before.

So let’s break this down. Zoom can change his age as well as time travel now, making him DC’s new Big Threat; Patty was always in love with Barry, which is why she moved away from him (shocker); Zoom has fap material for the rest of eternity now that he’s killed ‘a’ Barry Allen; Bart and Barry have apparently moved past their family issues and get along now, all in the space of ten or so pages. You know, for an issue leading up to an event, I’m not in any way impressed.

The first issue of Flashpoint left me scratching my head. Take heed, all ye reading this, nothing is as we know it. In one group scene, I literally sat here waving my arms and asking if anyone recognized the other Marvel kids. I mean, I am very stumped. I’ll read this series with one brow cocked, thanks.

Birds of Prey made me almost pee myself on the second to last page. I’m going to be completely honest here, Gail Simone’s brain terrify’s me. I don’t know what corner of her mind Junior sprung from, but I never want to travel down that alley after dark. Yes, Junior is back and more fucked up than ever! I’m going to sit in the corner and rock back and forth for a while now.

…hold that thought! I’ll lose my mind later, time for R.E.B.E.L.S.! I swear, I am going to miss this series like crazy. There were so many good things about it! The writing, the art, Lobo and Strife’s blossoming bromance, Kory’s crotch symbol, Lyrl and Vril being ridiculous, aaah. So many things I just love! Anyway, this final issue comes to a close with L.E.G.I.O.N. triumphing over Starro once and for all, Komand’r claiming Vril’s dick as her property, and possibly having the team show up during the War of the Green Lanterns. DC, please let L.E.G.I.O.N. be a series again. Please let Vril’s last line be a lead-in to a new series. That Tony and Claude are working on. I need this in my life.

That was this week in comics, for me anyway, and…is it just me, or do I always finish these things with a complaint on how hungry I am? Because I’m starving. Dinner time! See you here next week?

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May the 4th be with you, always.

A frightfully small week, sadly. Five books, and not a stinker amongst them…I hope. Shall we?

Lobo, why do you look so surprised that S’Glayne’s father shot him? Or is that a look of horror..? You are the Main Man, grow a pair and just shoot him! Garbageman, I skip over. As always. As for the Tanga story…hey, remember Za? He’s a creeper. And he has his own alien harem. Run Tanga! Run away!

If I can take anything away from this issue of JSA: All-Stars, it’ll be the imae of King Chimera glaring at over-talkative nerds on the bus. The short saga of the Prince comes to a close not with a whimper, but with a bang. And holy shit, what a bang. He took out most of upstate New York! I really love the character of Roxy. She’s just so…awesome.

And so comes the end of the Legion Academy story. Grave-defiling, theft, jackassery…yeah, this crop of recruits is going to be just fab. Can you smell that sarcasm? As for the Jenni story…well, the less said about that the better. She’s not a member of the Legion, she’s refusing to join their Academy, and she’s tracing the roots of her family back to ancient times. And the entire thing was wrapped up in eight pages. I am so goddamn angry right now, y’all have no idea.

So, Superboy is evil again? I’m just looking at the cover and…red eyes, burning Kent farm, heavy eyeliner…kind of screams evil to me, folks. Hmm. Evil Superboy, every superhuman dead, Luthor brainwashing? No. Oh, I see now. Black Mercy plants! Oh, plot devices from the 80s, how I adore thee. But this art…ugh, so not my thing.

Okay, I’m going to take a minute to make a comparison. Lately, the Secret Six book has reminded me of The Walking Dead. No, I’m not saying they both have zombies, don’t be ridiculous. They both showcase all the ugliness of humanity, yes, but they both also follow a very specific pattern. Just when you think everything is going to be alright, WHUMP, an whole pile of shit falls on the main characters. This issue, after fighting the hordes of hell to win back her lover, Knockout, we finally hear someone address the issue of the fact that Scandal’s other girlfriend has been fucking kidnapped and put through the straight camp of doom. How has it taken this long? I mean, Scandal isn’t heartless, she really cares for this other chick. But…Knockout is supposedly her true love. Can she really choose one life over another? But at the same time, she should ask herself this question: would she fight all of hell to save Liana? Frankly, I doubt it. She blows off hot lesbian sex with a six foot tall redheaded stripper (which seems to be her type) in order to go to hell and drag back her ex. Sorry Liana, but I think you’ve been dumped.

And that was this week in comics. Don’t forget, Saturday May 7th is Free Comic Book Day at comic shops around the nation! As for today, well, May the 4th be with you! I’ll catch y’all later, dinner beckons.

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