How is it I can be so optimistic at the beginning, and spitting fire by the end? Only DC.

Man, I had to do the run-around from hell to get all my comics this week. The place where I normally get my books didn’t have a couple (thank you, Diamond), so I had to go to a different comic shop nearby, get them, then ride back to my LCS to finish the rest of my books. Ah well, at least I got a lot of exercise, right?

As always, the Flashpoint tie-ins will be reviewed in one go.

What to say about Lois Lane and the Resistance. This issue, it’s less Lois Lane and more Resistance, frankly. We get Grifter’s backstory, which, by the way, thank you so much, Flashpoint, for letting us know that Lady Blackhawk, Batwoman, and John Stewart died before the Amazonian/Atlantian war kicked off. That was completely unnecessary, and a kick to the head for the fans of the characters. Speaking of anally violating the people who buy your books, why the fuck did you kill off Hawkgirl again? Was once a year just not enough? Still, it paved the way for new-yet-familiar faces amongst the Furies. Giganta, Cheshire and…is that Cassandra Cain? No, probably Lady Shiva. Anyway, they’re the new kill squad sent to waylay the Resistance, along with Vixen, Artemis, Huntress…other-winged-chick, and…a blue-skinned version of Forager from New Genesis? Whoop, and then there’s a betrayal. Whelp, I think I’ve about read as much as I can stand.
Give Sterling Gates a Kid Flash ongoing. I’ll get a petition going, maybe see if the better off fans would be willing to help pay his salary. Just do this for me. For us all. I haven’t seen Bart this Bartlike since Young Justice ended. Here, he’s not just Impulse in a Kid Flash costume, or a smaller version of Wally. He’s Bart Allen. He’s got a lot of the things that made him such an enjoyable character to read about back when he was Impulse, as well as the signs that he’d grown as a person by putting on the Kid Flash suit. There are a lot of shout-outs to his Impulse persona in this issue. Thinking faster in virtual reality, doing things without thinking them through, even the way he gets hit by the information wave and falls down is reminiscent of the time he watched one of his Scouts die on Apokalips in Young Justice. I really love this mini, and I really, really hope that the ending of it isn’t what they seem to be hinting at, The Death of Kid Flash.
We now return you to your scheduled programming.

If anyone was wondering if Poison Ivy/Harley Quinn was a thing, I think this issue of Gotham City Sirens answers that. Actually, this entire issue was just a set-up for the next one, the final one. Ivy and Harley want to kill Selina. That’s pretty much it. That’s the issue. I’m sort of disappointed.

Kyle Rayner, you are scum. Seriously. I just, what the fuck? The chick he’d seen in Miri Riam’s crystal back in Sins of the Star Sapphires was Jade?! So he has spent at least two years canonwise lying to his girlfriend? She brought his slack ass back to life during Blackest Night! Oh man, no wonder Kyle looked like he’d been hit by a tornado when Jenny came back to life. Oh my god, I’m just so angry right now. I have to read something else before I flare red.

Ahh, nothing like Guy being a badass to calm me down. This issue of Emerald Warriors ends on a bittersweet note, but I’m not going to Tarantino you. The basic premise is this: Something is kidnapping Green Lanterns and destroying outposts. It’s a monster from eons ago (of course) that was recently freed when a chunk of Mogo broke open its prison. And it’s eating Green energy. I’m not sure how to feel about this issue. Yes, Lanterns die, but for the most part, they’re ones I’ve never heard of. All in all, I’d probably give this issue a 3 of 5. Good writing, pacing, and art for a one-shot, but not really much emotional depth. But next issue…Batman?!

Okay. I just. I can’t…
What the fuck just happened?
Superbitch-Prime is somehow back on Earth-One. Bart uses a virtual reality machine he invented to fight, and kill, Inertia over and over. Superboy is flirting with Ravager as he walks out of Cassie’s room with the rest of his stuff. What’s going on here? Seriously, no one is acting like themselves, except maybe Raven, who is bitching about Solstice again. Cut away to a cafe where Gar is, gasp, on a date with a chick without powers or any visibly crippling issues. Then something explodes and we’re probably never going to see her again. She didn’t even get a name. Alright, and here’s where I really take issue. Why did they choose Sun Girl as an opponent for Solstice? Sun Girl is Megan’s big firey foe. She has no connection to Solstice at all. And why is this a ‘new’ Inertia. Who is it? Is it an older Jai from an alternate Earth with dyed hair? Is it a new character we’re going to lose with the Reboot? And what’s with Indigo’s history? No, she wasn’t the reason Donna and Lilith died. That was a Superman robot. She was part of the Outsiders when Superboy shaved his head and went Luthor-induced crazy. And Inertia didn’t kill Bart, he set everything in motion so that the Rogues could kill Bart. He didn’t deliver the final blow. What is the point of this entire arc?! Is there even a point? Is this just going to be three issues of mind-fucks and fight scenes? I’m just…I can’t right now. I’m so angry. I am spitting with rage. I need to go take a swing at someone.

That was this week in comics. I wasn’t joking about getting into a fist fight. I’m going to go punch the hell out of some boxes. At least I can’t injure them. See you all next week.

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