A moment of silence for the fallen: Adventure Comics and Secret Six say goodnight.

Well, we’re at the beginning of the end here, folks. This is the fist week of the last month of DC’s history. Starting in September, everything will change. We’ve got seven books this week, two of which are final issues. Shall we begin?

As always, Flashpoint and its minis will be reviewed as one.
Oh, Flashpoint, you fantastic pile of shit. We get a more in-depth look at ‘Captain Thunder’ and his hosts in the next to last issue of Flashpoint. Oh, and apparently Barry Allen in this world is comparable to Layla Miller in House of M. Seriously, when Billy touched him, he regained some of his old memories. Huh. Whatever you say, Geoff Johns. Well, I guess all I can say is that I understand why there isn’t going to be a Shazam in the new DCU. RIP, Billy Batson, you were fucked over royally. The last few pages of this issue are just fighting, fighting, exposition, and oh look! It’s Eobard Thawne! About damn time he showed up. I give this issue a 2 of 5. Could have been better, but frankly, the only really interesting things in this issue were the sketch pages in the back.

Okay, what?! First he goes from being all “Durr, I don’t know anything about this chick who saved my ass, not even how old she is derr” while watching her shower, then there are makeouts between Deathstroke and Jenny Blitz? Comic, I’m turning the page now. This better be gone when I turn the page. Ugh, thankyou. What is it with Slade and his fucked up pedo thing for teenage girls? What the hell, DC? His things with Terra, Batgirl, and his own damn daughter were implied at best, so you decided to beat the questions and just announce that they’re banging during this scene change? Thanks for that. Someone get my brain bleach. Anyway, after a few pages of exposition and fight scenes, Rose is saved and Deathstroke apparently has a harem of ladies now. And thus was the tale of Deathstroke the pirate. Yarr.

World of Flashpoint had a bit of a disappointing ending. I mean, it was interesting, but it wasn’t really all that great. Traci’s father has been using dark magic, she teleports herself into the middle of a battlefield, they reconcile, she gets hit by a killing blow but the Earth itself heals her, then her dad stops the satellite he himself built and Traci loses all her magic? The simple fact that I could describe the whole issue in a sentence is just a tribute to how…dull this issue was. Sorry, Traci 13, but you were very boring this month.
We now return you to your scheduled programming.

Gates of Gotham got weird this month. So, one of the original architects of Gotham City built a steamgear suit in order to become Gotham’s first supervillian and get revenge on the city’s royalty? Okay, if you say so. At least Cass gets a few good lines this issue.

And so ends Adventure Comics, not with a whimper, but with a NOOOO face. Seriously, this issue had an overabundance of noooooo moments. At least five. Like World of Flashpoint, it wasn’t a bad issue, it just had the capacity to be better. It was a series of fight pages followed by two deaths and a character quitting the Legion Academy to follow his…boyfriend? This is how little I remember of the last issue, I can’t recall who this Jedidiah Tel is talking about is supposed to be. The Legion Academy issues of Adventure Comics mostly went over my head, as they were a concept of something that wasn’t in the Legion I grew up reading, which was the first Reboot. I’ve only managed to find Legion issues that predate the Giffen series recently and while I’ve enjoyed those, I’ve also found them sort of silly, and out of date, which is sort of the point. Anyway, what I’m trying, and failing, to convey is this: I will not miss Adventure Comics as much as I’ll miss other parts of this DCU. Sorry.

Okay, 18 pages of exposition, 9 pages of ads, and 2 pages of Kon actually being in the panels. And it ends on a cliffhanger. Is there going to be a second issue of Superboy this month that no one told me about?

Ow. No, seriously. Ow. You just hit me right in the emotions, Gail. And it hurt like hell. This is the last issue of Secret Six, the comic that, for the last three years, has been my self-confessed favorite current book. They’ve gone to hell and back together, fallen in love, beaten the shit out of each other, but most of all, they’ve been a family. A fucked up, mildly incestuous family. And this last book had it all. Bane getting laid. Catman and Deadshot admitting that they’re bros. Scandal getting married- to both Kay and Liana. Jeanette being generally awesome. And then you let Lawton aim for my heart. Fully surrounded by heroes. No way out. Huntress letting herself be taken hostage to try and dissuade them. Bane offering his team, his family, a chance to go down fighting. And they took the venom. And, and they went down fighting. God, I can’t emotions right now, guys. I can’t. Kay reaching for Scandal’s hand as she died, calling her ‘wife’…I just can’t. I loved this book, this team. Not counting the two six-issue minis that started it all, and the few appearances in the first Birds of Prey series, the Secret Six had 36 issues of pure awesome, topped with love, war, and ultimately, death. It’s a book I’ll miss like crazy. Well done Gail. Well done, everyone.

That was this week in comics, I think I’ve earned a little mourning period. So until next week, this is Touch of Grey, signing off. Peace be with you.

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