Oh the times they are…ending.

Week two of the final month of the DCU as we know it. Ten books, nine of which are final issues. Okay, I’m going to take a moment to brace myself, and we can begin.

As always, Flashpoint stuff is done in one fell swoop.

Final issue of Emperor Aquaman…thank you god. I’m sorry, but as much as I love Tony Bedard, I just can’t stand Aquaman. A well-written, well-drawn story about vengeance featuring a sub-par character is still bad in the end. My opinion: If you haven’t picked up this book, you’re not missing anything. If you must read it, wait for your library to order the eventual trade of minis.
Damn, Kory. Just, damn. This is probably the most useless costume she’s ever worn, but by god is it a work of art. Possibly painted on, which adds to my statement. This has turned out to be a pretty decent mini- oh what the fuck?! That’s not fair, Flashpoint! It’s not right! For those of you who hate spoilers, well, I’m sorry, but Eddie Bloomberg and Vic Sage showed up on the last page of Deadman and the Flying Graysons as part of the Resistance. So, fuck you Flashpoint. Thanks a lot for that.
I have mixed feelings about the end of the Citizen Cold mini. On one hand, it was fun to see how the man who, in our universe, was once the leader of the Rogues and is also arguably one of the toughest villains that the Flash has ever faced take down all the people he used to call friend. The little twist about how Axel was actually working with Cold was neat, too. But on the other hand, He killed Wally. He tried to get with Iris. And in the end, he just wasn’t a compelling character as a ‘hero’. Sorry, Scott Kolins, but you just can’t make a hero out of a Rogue. Not every villain is as mentally sound as Hartley Rathaway, and able to reform.
Wow that was…anti-climactic. Seriously, this may have actually been the flattest issue of Booster Gold ever. He doesn’t fight with Doomsday, his Random Love Interest kills Doomsday, they run off to Europe to find Barry Allen, and then she dies. Did he not realize that taking a Random Love Interest into a war-zone essentially guarantees her death? Ugh. At least a completely random plot point from an earlier issue is cleared up! I’ll miss Booster Gold, I really will, but shoddy tie-in issues like this make me wonder why.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.

Okay, so does this issue take place before or after the last issue of Green Lantern Corps? Because I’m confused. In any case, there is a lot of green on green fighting in this second issue of two. Promises are kept, orders are disobeyed, Mogo gets a proper burial, and we get a really hot splash page of Sinestro being tortured. Though I do worry about the fate of Ganthet, it looked like the other Guardians were preparing to rip him to pieces.

So, Red Robin’s last issue was utter crap. The big question was, will Tim kill Captain Boomerang or not? The answer was obviously going to be no, because Tim is teenaged hero Jesus, according to Fabian Nicieza. He always makes the right choices, even when they feel like the wrong ones. Way to be utterly predictable, Red Robin. Your art will be the only thing missed.

Okay, so, no one tell the DC executives, but the last issue of Batman and Robin was written while David Hine was on LSD. My only real thought the entire time I was reading it was, what the hell is going on here? And guess what? That question is never answered.

The last issue of Batgirl was…ooh, my heart. I swear, you can never go wrong with Stephanie Brown. Even when put in a Black Mercy haze by her supposedly-dead father couldn’t keep her down. And then, acceptance from her mom? And seeing what was keeping her in the dream? The Lantern Corps team Batgirl was amazing enough, but future!Steph as Nightwing…with Cass as Batwoman?! And that was the thing that ‘almost’ kept her in the dream? Ohhh my heart! I can’t even, you guys. This was my second favorite ongoing, and now it’s over. Steph, I will never forget you. You will always be my Batgirl.

Gail Simone, why did you skip out on the last issues of Birds of Prey? Because they were very prettily drawn, but hilariously bad, writing-wise. I mean, come on. Lady Blackhawk and Sandy Knight each had a third of an evil Nazi scientist’s psyche in their heads? Whelp. And ending the issue, the series, on a round of laughter? Laaame. Sorry, BoP, but you seem to have ended just in time.

Teen Titans isn’t ending this week. It’s ending in two weeks, with issue #100. And my final verdict? I am confused and angry. Why did you clone Match three times and dress him in outfits? Where did you find another blonde teenaged speedster? Why is Indigo alive again? And on the final splash page, how is Prysm there? Why are Mirage and Flamebird there? How did you manage to get Zatara there? Weren’t Lorena and Amy lost at sea? What the fuck. I just…I can’t figure any of this out right now. Maybe after a few drinks, this will make sense.

That was this week in comics, I think I’m going to go find a JT Krul to sense translator for this week’s issue of Teen Titans. See y’all next week, same place, same time.

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