Prepare to scream in frustration!

I’d like to state that even though Legion Lost, Batgirl, Deathstroke, and Star Trek/Legion are out today, I won’t be reviewing them. I won’t even be picking them up. I’ve officially cut them from my list in order to pursue better titles. That being said, we’ve got seven books on our plate today, best get along.

Green Lantern is a hilarious title this month. For one thing, it’s shippy as hell. It’s like someone went to Geoff Johns and said, “Uh, Geoff? We’re going to need you to tone down the homosexual undertones of Sinestro and Hal’s relationship, please. Dan is starting to get that tic in his eye again.” So Geoff thought about it for a while then said, “I know! I’ll add a previously unknown chick that Sinestro maybe used to bang back when he was a Green Lantern the first time, and revisit the utterly useless plot device that is the relationship between Hal and Carol! That should do it!” And that’s exactly what he did. We once again see that in Hal’s mind, Carol is is WUN TRU LUV 4EVA, and the last construct he wants to make before his ring runs out of juice. Meanwhile, Sinestro is tortured by his own people as they try to get the ring off, before they just toss him in the same power-draining cell that Hal was in…except his is full of people that are pissed at him. We learn that Arsona, the random chick from last issue, was an officer of the law on Korugar when Sinestro was a GL, and that she was one of the few people that believed in him way back when. After a (slashy) little pep talk from Hal, Sinestro manages to make a Lantern ring for every person in the cell and, would you look at that, they all turn on him. Good to see you thought that one through, Thaal. Will he survive until next month? Seeing as it’s Sinestro, probably.

I think it was this issue of Superboy that really drove home the fact that the character in this book is not Kon-El. I’ve been comparing reboot Superboy to a character in a webcomic called Artifice (NSFW occasionally, also gay in the most literal sense of the term, so warning) lately. Deacon and Superboy share the same distinct awareness that they aren’t human but whereas Deacon latched onto, and later fell in love with, a human, Superboy is still in the beginning stages of accepting humanity and its flaws. I actually like this book. For one thing, it has let me know that the Gen 13 kids are still around, and lemme just tell you how much I’m looking forward to a reboot Freefall. Superboy is not Kon-El. Not in any way. He may not even have the same genetic donors that Kon did. But with this issue, he’s slowly starting to try and shape himself into a hero, albeit one with a pretty twisted view on heroism, and it’s about time.

Just let me gush about how amazing The Shade is. This isn’t even going to be a proper review, this is just going to be me fangirl-squealing at you until you are forced to scroll down. James Robinson is a stickler for detail and proper research. He doesn’t just pull facts out of nowhere and put them to a page unless he’s absolutely sure that they’re correct. And by sending the Shade to Australia, well, that’s a whole new culture he has to play around with. The little facts that Shade lets us, the readers, in on as he travels are just amazing and…no, you go read this. Buy it. Rub it all over your body. Because this is what a quality comic looks like.

Can I please start off by saying that somewhere, someone is taking offense to the term ‘transhuman’? Because I feel it in my bones. For one thing, he’s not halfway to becoming anything. He’s just…a guy with robot parts. I’m not actually very into this issue, to tell the truth. Way too much fanservice, and not the good, fun, in-joke kind. Why is one of G-d’s higher angels in fishnets, thigh-high boots, and a miniskirt as her battle armor? And wow, I’ve never really encountered the Body Doubles before, except for in one issue of the Harley Quinn series, but…wow, these chicks give the word bimbo new meaning. I dunno. The concept works, an unkillable man who resurrects with new powers every time he dies, but the execution is really sort of awful.

I need to make a confession. I actually sort of enjoy Suicide Squad. No, hear me out! You know those people who watched The Hills, even though they were aware that it was a scripted reality show with no real plot? That’s what this book is to me. A guilty pleasure that I feel terrible for loving. And can you blame me? Harley is a bicycle with a terrible costume, and Digger is most likely dead now. Then again, Deadshot is as magnificent a bastard as ever, and King Shark is, at the very least, entertaining. Now this terrorist group, Basilisk. What’s wrong, afraid too many people would associate the snake-themed terrorist group you already have with the guys from GI Joe? Then again, they’re both named Kobra, so maybe. Ah well, surely this title can only improve. I mean, Harley seemed to show a shred of actual emotion when she heard that the Joker was dead, so that’s a start.

Batman and Robin pisses me off to no end. Maybe it’s because I’ve never liked Bruce Wayne. Maybe it’s because I have an extreme aversion to parenting through the ‘do what I say when I say it or’ method, especially when no actual consequence is set. That’s the thing about a kid like Damian. You can’t just expect him to ignore years and years of training. When Cass Cain came on the scene, she took what she knew and became Batgirl. When Damian Wayne came on the scene, it wasn’t until his father was no longer Batman that anyone bothered to think, well, I guess we should take this kid, who literally does not know any better, and teach him to be a considerate person. Really. Talia and Ra’s Al Ghul raised Damian to be the perfect weapon, but taught him to always think himself more important than others. Dick seemed to manage to drum into Damian that everyone is equal, and that no life is more important than another. And how’d he do that? By treating Damian like an equal and not talking down to him. Then Bruce comes along and fucks it all up. Way to go, Bruce.

Son of a bitch. Son of a bitch! Bette Kane, I could smack you. In her defense, that government woman is really the wrong party here. Damn DEO. Yeesh, no title makes me swear more than Batwoman. Visually, it’s still stunning. The overlay of Kate’s night with Maggie on top of Bette’s fight with the hook-guy as the opening sequence was inspired. Conceptually, also fantastic. The first villain of this series doesn’t have ties to the supernatural, she’s a ghost! And seeing how Kate herself is tied in with the Religion of Crime, it’s sort of fitting. But freaking Bette had to go and put on that costume again. I will admit that I found Kate talking down to her cousin, while the two are roughly the same age, as gross as I found the tempermental-at-best relationship between Damian and Bruce, but at least Bette was learning from Kate. Kate nixed Bette’s training out of fear of losing the only person she still considered family. A little cruel, but understandable. And what happened? Bette went out and got hurt. But the real travesty of this issue? It was only 20 pages long! Sorry, but I thought comics used to be a bit longer than that. Ugh, excuse me while I fume.

Well, that was this week in comics, everyone. Hope to see you back here next week! This is ToG signing off.

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