There is a distinct lack of ladies this week…

It’s the last week of the…hold on, no it isn’t. There are five Wednesdays this month. Hmm. Well, regardless, I’ve got four books this week, including the newest series starring that lovable jackass Bruce Wayne, Batman Incorporated!

I love Saint Walker. He’s my favorite thing to come out of Geoff Johns’ Rainbow Lanterns, and despite the fact that my Lantern Corps is probably more revenge-driven than the one he belongs to, I’m all for the idea of Blue Lanterns. This issue of New Guardians is all about the Reach, Blue Beetle villains, invading and attempting to conquer Odym, home and sanctuary of the Blue Lantern Corps. Now, the idea behind this invasion is pretty lame. Why would beings who consider Lanterns to be their biggest threat attempt to gain control of a planet full of Lanterns? Oh well, I guess we needed a plot hole to get things moving. In any case, this issue was a great showcase for Saint Walker, clearly the most badass of the Hope Brigade. I think I prefer it when this book focuses on one Corps at a time. There’s more of a chance for character growth when there aren’t a shit-ton of characters all trying for the spotlight.

Sunnova bitch, Morrison! Am I not allowed to grow attached to characters? I mean, obviously this is a feint, else you’d have not shown the Dead Heroes Club literally pages before, but come on! This is ridiculous. Batman Inc looks like it’s in the same vein as Batman and Robin so far, except that this book happens to have more Batmen in it. On the roster so far are the Hood, Batwing, El Gaucho, and the Knight, though Squire seems to be missing. In fact, a lot of potential Bat-ladies are missing. Spoiler, Blackbat, Batwoman, Batgirl…the Bat Family is one hell of a boy’s club, this first issue around. I’m torn. On one hand, Chris Burnham’s Damian is the third best I’ve ever seen, but on the other hand, the story here is awful. It uses the same elements that turned me off Batman Inc and Batman and Robin in the first place. Besides, the first page of the first issue hints that the final page might not actually be a feint, and that a main character is dead already, or at least seriously injured, which begs a question. How well is this book going to tie into the rest of the Bat-books? Is it going to be in a world of its own, sort of? What are you attempting to do here, Morrison?

Teen Titans has officially replaced Suicide Squad as my why-the-hell-am-I-reading-this book. I mean, fucking hell. This dialogue, this pacing…I know I complain about it literally every time I review a book by Scott Lobdell, but I can’t help it! I have no idea how this man has a career in comics when he’s such a terrible writer. I know fanfiction writers who are better with pacing and dialogue than he is. Not to mention he’s clearly never heard of the phrase ‘show, don’t tell’. I mean, come on. I can’t even. Though I do have to let everyone breathe a sigh of relief; if you’ve been following The Culling, it’s over. You don’t have to read Legion Lost anymore. It’s all gonna be okay. I can’t find it within myself to write an actual review of this issue, just know that the last page sets up the next arc, and the little ‘until next time’ blurb reads “Next issue: The Mystery of Mystery Island!” What? No. Come on. You’re not this stupid, Lobdell. There are other words for mystery, come on.

So, before I say anything else, I feel the need to admit that while I was reading the Flash today, about 7 pages in, I shrieked and crawled underneath the table I was sitting at. Everything I’ve said regarding David Singh and Hartley Rathaway is coming true. I am the Flash Prophet. Moving on.
I’m glad we got an amnesia issue out of the way early, because that plot gets old really fast. The last time we saw anything regarding Gorilla City was in Flash: Rebirth (not counting that one-shot Flashpoint issue, Grodd of War), and it looks like Manapul decided to go more with a mystical element, rather than a scientific angle this time around. Okay, that works, sort of. And he’s sticking with the “Barry is the one true Flash” thing, too. Hmm. Though what really irked me about this issue was the subtle reveal of Weather Wizard, also known as Mark Mardon. He’s now known as Marco Mardon, and his brother was now known as Claudio rather than Clyde. In case you’ve not been following the news, Mark is a Colombian drug lord now. Yeah. Len has powers, Mark is a Colombian drug lord, Barry is the one true Flash…there are little elements of this series that, when I go back and look at them, seriously piss me off. But for the most part, I still really like the book. Patty Spivot and the rest of the CCPD are delights, the cameos by pre-existing characters are fun, the art is amazing, and oh my Grodd that dialogue. See, this is the difference between a good book and a bad book, to me. If your characters are talking about something unbelievable and I believe it, you’ve got a good book. I expect great things to come out of Flash.

Well, that was this week in comics…sort of. From what I understand, over in the Marvel Universe, Northstar is proposing to his boyfriend, and Deadpool is hot again. I don’t know, I’m not up on those particular books. Still! Next week looks like it’s going to be very, very small, what with only the Animal Man Annual and the first issue of Ravagers on my pull list, so I’ll have to think up something special to do afterwards. Hope to see y’all back next week. This is ToG signing off!

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