Have Rogues, will travel.

Should I feel sad that there are only three books this week? Maybe, but one of those books is Flash, so allow me to show you all the fucks I do not give. In any case, aside from Flash, we’ve got Batman Inc and Teen Titans, and at least one of those is going to drive me into a frothing rage, so let’s get on with the madness, already.

They pushed the third issue of Batman Inc back a month after the tragic shooting in Aurora, Colorado. Why? Well, the teacher all but threatening a classroom full of kids on the first page may have had something to do with it. Other disturbing imagery, such as a man being asphyxiated via a plastic bag and what appeared to be two children being hung may have also added to it. Don’t want anything freaky being attached to the sacred Batman name, right? Ha. In any case, I don’t think I’ll be reviewing this issue. Instead, I’m going to take another shot at the reboot. Last week, I talked about how, instead of doing a hard reboot, like they’d done with the Superman, Flash, and Wonder Woman franchises, Green Lantern and Batman remained relatively untouched. Seeing as this new Batman Inc is basically a direct continuation of the last Batman Inc series, and stuff from several years ago, such as Ventriloquist having Matches Malone killed, is still canon, I’m going to go out on a limb and say that only Barbara Gordon and Tim Drake were touched at all. Why? Why do this, DC? Batman and Green Lantern have the two most needlessly complicated continuities ever. Y’all had the chance to simplify, and you chose to complicate. For shame. Actually, now that I think about it I will say something about this issue of Batman Inc, and that is this: Damian Wayne is an adorable little brat. He’s taken on a new identity, Redbird. For those of you not in the know, Tim Drake’s old car when he was Robin was called the Redbird. You’ll also notice that Damian uses escrima sticks, the nonlethal weapon of choice of his mentor, Dick Grayson. He took things from two previous Robins to make his new role. Precious baby.

Oh my god, Cassie. You…I don’t understand you. One minute, you’re glad to be free of the Silent Armor, the next, you’re all pissed off that your ex stole it from you, because you have to wear it. And then the underlying narrative about Tim and Kon both having a thing for her…ladies please. She’s her own woman, and your supposed friend. Focus on saving her life before you argue over her like she’s a particularly tasty piece of cake. Meanwhile, over in the Kid Flash backup, dinosaurs! Seriously, that’s it. A little dinosaur fight scene, a part about Steg and Dax mutating snakes, a quip from Bart, the end. It’s five pages long. I can’t in good conscience call it a true backup. I mean, c’mon now.

I’m gonna die I’m gonna die I’m gonna die oh my god my babies.
I’m trying to not have an epic freakout here, to be clear, concise, and informative regarding this issue of the Flash, but my babies are all suited up and back in action. Piper’s got his best costume yet on, zipping around the city on a motorcycle stopping his former comrades, catching Len before he’s smashed into Len-paste, Axel’s officially Trickster, Lisa is a freaking babe, Mark is basically the same as ever with a beard, Mirror Master may be Sam Scudder, and aaaaah I can’t.
I’ll try. I must.
I can’t.
I’m a Rogues fan through and through. I’ve enjoyed the non-Rogue issues of the Flash in the New 52, but my god. Putting them in is like adding chocolate chips to banana bread. The bread tastes great on its own, but it’s only when you add that little extra zing that you realize just how much better it could be.

That was this week in comics. To all Floridians, we’ll be having a hurricane this Friday, so do try to prepare. It’s only a category one, but you never know. See y’all next week for Justice League, Minutemen, and several annuals, including the continuation of this week’s Flash!

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