Ladies Week: 0 to heroes!

It’s ladies week yet again! Wonder Woman, Supergirl, and Batwoman are holding firm on my personal reading list, and on the other side, we’ve also got the origin issues of Catwoman and the first brand new issue starring Amethyst, the Princess of Gemworld over in Sword and Sorcery. Oh, and I’ve dropped Justice League. I’ve washed my hands of it, and I feel like a better person for it. But enough of my bitching. Seven books to go through today, may as well jump right in.

I figured I’d start this off with a lady whose name is literally Lady…the Twilight Lady, who features heavily in the Before Watchmen book, Nite Owl! You know, this reminds me of a recent plotline in Catwoman (I admit, I’ve been skimming the last arc), where a crazy dollmaker was kidnapping street workers, selling them for parts, and using their shells to make room after room of horrible ‘doll scenes’. Creep-o-rama. Anyway, the two different storylines, Dan’s and Walter’s, intersect in this issue. The clergyman Walter works for has been buying the missing hookers to kill them, as well as stealing people right off the street, those he considers to be ‘unclean’. Oh, and the rest of the issue is Dan and TL bumping uglies. Classy. Ah well, the kids are having fun between interrogating pimps and looking for missing hookers, who am I to judge?

Blue Beetle’s origin issue tells the tale of the scarab, Khaji-Da. I’m not going to lie, going through it hurt. A lot. You see, this issue was co-plotted by Keith Giffen, which got my hopes up. Keith ‘Bwa-ha-ha’ Giffen! Surely, this means that a certain weight-challenged brunette is going to show up somewhere? In a flashback, maybe? Surely, the scarab made its way into his hands at some point? I mean, they got Keith Giffen to work on this issue! Why else would they, if Ted Kord wasn’t going to pop up somewhere?
Spoiler alert.
He doesn’t. He’s nowhere to be found. Between his total exclusion in the DCnU and his write-of by murder in the DCAU, I don’t think I can take it anymore. A word to the wise: Never fall in love with a comic character, they’ll only break your heart.

Speaking of characters who’ll only break your heart, Brainiac 5, everybody! The Legion doesn’t really need its own origin issue; after all, they had a mini-series that already did that! So instead, we see the circumstances under which Brainy joins the Legion. It’s a fun issue, with a little twist at the end. It also shows us how Tharok got his Coluan-tech parts, which is cool. I’m a little bothered that Levitz was trying to keep up the early Legion Tinya/Brainy thing, but we all know how that turned out, so whatever. Also, I don’t praise Scott Kolins enough. He’s not my favorite Flash artist, but by damn did he knock the Legion kids out of the park! An overall good issue, if I do say so myself.

Supergirl made me cry. I said it. The Supergirl origin made me cry like a little bitch. It’s a story of hope, of a father’s love for his daughter being so great, that he’d do everything in his power to make sure she stayed alive as a world died around her. But what was the thing that really got to me? The panel where Kara comes out in her family crest for the very first time. She looks so happy, so hopeful, so proud. God. And it explains so much, too. Why she wakes up in such confusion. She didn’t even know the planet was dying until seconds before falling into a super coma. Jor-El wins father of the year, but he also gets an honorable mention in the douchebag category, because damn.

I’m spitting blood. Jesus take the wheel, and while you’re at it, get my red ring. Why am I still reading Red Hood and the Outlaws? I’d picked up this issue hoping that we’d finally get an origin for Roy, but nope. It’s the full story of the life, death, and second life of Jason Todd. I’m going to say right now that from this point on, pretty much everything is going to be a GIANT SPOILER.
But that means you were actually planning on reading this dreck at some point, so I feel no pity. In any case, Jason Todd’s life story is…not as important as the final four pages of the book? Long story short, the Joker decided to create a new Robin for Batman, so he made it look like his mother was dead and had his father shipped off to jail. Then he made sure Leslie Thompkins (who is super young and wicked hot now?) found Jason at his weakest, who then passed him off to Bruce. Which leads me to one conclusion.
Joker knows that Batman is Bruce Wayne in this new universe.
How else would he know to take Jason to Leslie? How else would he be absolutely sure that orphan collectin’ Wayne would take this wayward youth and turn him into a well-oiled justice dispenser?
Another thing, the re-imagining of A Death in the Family was worse than the scans of Deathstroke’s new origin that I’ve seen floating around. Fuck this, I need something to make me happy.

Batwoman: Elegy is one of my favorite trades of all time. It was Kate’s origin, from her youth as an army brat to her eventual expulsion from West Point because of DADT, to her finding a new way to serve and running with it. And I’d like to thank every deity, from major to minor, in all the various religions I don’t subscribe to that Batwoman #0 just added to it. It was like reading Elegy’s deleted scenes, stuff that had been cut for pages. And we got to see Renee (her name spelled Rene), if even for a panel. We got to see the things Kate had done to prepare to be Batwoman, and you know what? She’s more dedicated than Bruce. She trained harder, she suffered more. She was a soldier stripped of an identity because of her identity, remade as a night warrior. I love Batwoman. I have a poster of her on my wall. Batwoman, more than any other vigilante in her class, is my hero.

The ‘origin’ issue of Wonder Woman was…well. It claimed to be a reprint from ‘All-Girl Adventure Tales for Men’, and was, in itself, a spoof of a Golden Age Wonder Wonder story, featuring the lady herself back when she was Wonder Girl. Personally, I think it was just the creators way of having a bit of fun while also showcasing Diana’s compassion and warrior wiles. In any case, I liked it quite a bit. It was interesting, and wonderfully drawn, so of course I’m on board.

That does it for this week in comics, stay tuned for next week when we tackle Batman Inc, special National Comics one-shot Rose and Thorn, Teen Titans and, of course, the Flash! See you next time!

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