Posts tagged R.E.B.E.L.S.

But, where shall I go for my awesome space adventures NOW?!

Man, I’m not ready for this. I can’t take it. R.E.B.E.L.S. can’t end today. I mean, if it ends, what am I going to do with all of my odd feelings for Claude St. Aubin’s art? What, I ask of you?! Seven books. I can put it at the end. I, I can do this.

Cassandra Cain’s new identity is BlackBat. I think I can handle this.

Okay, Fabian, Lynx is no Catwoman. Bat/Cat rooftop makeouts are not normal. Stop throwing women at Tim in hopes that he will bang him, this is not characterization, and it is not making you look any better. But you get points for the one-sided banter between Tim and Scarab, that was cute. I’m not really feeling this book anymore, I think the only thing that keeps me coming back is Marcus To’s pretty, pretty art.

The most dangerous thing for Batgirl in this issue is a young man’s boner for her. So large is his boner for her, he tells the people she was fighting to steer clear of her, because he is going to be fighting her from now on. Whaaaat? In other news, Wendy and the ghost of Marvin are going to Nanda Parbat! Road trip! Is it bad of me to hope that this leads Wendy to make peace with her condition and not seek rehabilitation? I like her as angry!Babs. It’s certainly made her more useful than before.

So let’s break this down. Zoom can change his age as well as time travel now, making him DC’s new Big Threat; Patty was always in love with Barry, which is why she moved away from him (shocker); Zoom has fap material for the rest of eternity now that he’s killed ‘a’ Barry Allen; Bart and Barry have apparently moved past their family issues and get along now, all in the space of ten or so pages. You know, for an issue leading up to an event, I’m not in any way impressed.

The first issue of Flashpoint left me scratching my head. Take heed, all ye reading this, nothing is as we know it. In one group scene, I literally sat here waving my arms and asking if anyone recognized the other Marvel kids. I mean, I am very stumped. I’ll read this series with one brow cocked, thanks.

Birds of Prey made me almost pee myself on the second to last page. I’m going to be completely honest here, Gail Simone’s brain terrify’s me. I don’t know what corner of her mind Junior sprung from, but I never want to travel down that alley after dark. Yes, Junior is back and more fucked up than ever! I’m going to sit in the corner and rock back and forth for a while now.

…hold that thought! I’ll lose my mind later, time for R.E.B.E.L.S.! I swear, I am going to miss this series like crazy. There were so many good things about it! The writing, the art, Lobo and Strife’s blossoming bromance, Kory’s crotch symbol, Lyrl and Vril being ridiculous, aaah. So many things I just love! Anyway, this final issue comes to a close with L.E.G.I.O.N. triumphing over Starro once and for all, Komand’r claiming Vril’s dick as her property, and possibly having the team show up during the War of the Green Lanterns. DC, please let L.E.G.I.O.N. be a series again. Please let Vril’s last line be a lead-in to a new series. That Tony and Claude are working on. I need this in my life.

That was this week in comics, for me anyway, and…is it just me, or do I always finish these things with a complaint on how hungry I am? Because I’m starving. Dinner time! See you here next week?


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Da na na na na na na na Batfamily!

Ten books! Ten! Obviously, it’s the second week of the month. And not a visible stinker in the lot! Shall we begin?

Okay, if Dragonwing shuts her trap and Glorinth continues being the main focus of the Legion Academy youngsters, I will gladly follow. But poor Power Boy and Lamprey. I mean, I was sort of following their storyline with half a mind (two recruits that have gone far too long without graduating), but their extra years of schooling to be wasted on prison guarding…poor kids. According to the Mysa second feature, next month is going to focus on XS! Jenni returns to Legion, hooray! Ooh, and so do her artists. I am pleased as pie, personally.

So, what the heck is White Knight drowning the Arkham inmates with? Glowing milk? Irradiated semen? What the hell? Backtracking a bit, I swear, I couldn’t stop whimpering ‘BABIES BABIES BABIES’ while reading the Dick and Damian exchange earlier on in the book. It’s as if the Tumblr fandom has been writing all the character growth. Damian is the undeniable star of this book, especially during his fight with Zsasz, and what happens afterwards.

CONFUSION AHOY! This issue starts off with Tim and Kon being boyfriends, and ends with Superboy lying in a ditch after getting the shit beat out of him by Doomsday. What just happened? Well, it may help that this is apparently the fifth part of the Reign of Doomsday storyline. So, I’m not supposed to get it? Okay, let’s go with that.

Red Robin was about faith and God this month. You have one month to redeem yourself, Fabian Nicieza, then this becomes a read-in-store title.

So, wait. Hot Pursuit is an alternate universe Barry Allen that steals speed and time from people in order to power his cosmic motorcycle, and Barry is weirded out by Bart’s existence?
Well, at least the art is pretty.
Also, welcome back, brunette Bart! I’ve missed you so!

So the saga of Booster’s time herpes- okay okay, ‘chronal leprosy’, comes to an end. In the 31st century! Frankly, any time Chris Batista feels like drawing Brainiac 5, I say let him do it. I’ve really grown to adore this art, so, you know.

Have I mentioned that I love Batgirl lately? Because I really love Batgirl. Ramon Bachs can draw this series forever, and I won’t complain at all. Batman Inc really seems to be working well for Batgirl, she’s got her own Cave, her own mini-Oracle, and a purple car! A purple car, you guys! For a chick that started out in a home-swen costume, Steph is really doing well for herself.

When one of my favorite characters from my favorite title makes an appearance in my other favorite title, and they’re both written by my favorite writer, well, this means we’re in for a good issue of Birds of Prey. “What the hell is going on here, Blake?!” Well, obviously makeouts are going on here, Helena. Geez, get with the program. Is it bad that I could ship this? I really have no problem shipping this. Thomas Blake and Helena Bertinelli, the ab-tastic sexypair of the DCU! Aw, too bad the ship has been sunk. Sorta. Help me, fandom!

Pff. Lobo/Smite, brOTP. Man, Tony, why are you bombarding us with excellent space ‘ships when R.E.B.E.L.S. is over as of next month?! How twisted are you? Twisted enough to put Lobo and Smite in a bar, apparently. This can only end in an epic drinking contest, I wager. Ooh Mr. Lyrl ooh. I love all Dox family members forever, thank you. Yup, I was right! Man, if Smite lives through the end of the series, I hope he and Lobo keep in touch. The Main Man needs a pal as badass as he his.

Can I just say one thing? Judd Winick cannot possibly be writing Skeets’ dialogue. It’s far too Giffen-y to have come from him. In this issue of Generation Lost…OMACs! Lots and lots of OMACs! And then an Amazo-like OMAC called OMAC Prime! I am so sick of saying OMAC you have no idea. This was actually a pretty good issue, tell the truth. And it only took 23 issues for me to stop raging at this comic long enough to enjoy it.

Well, that was this week in comics. I have a severe craving for pork fried rice, and also cramps. Get me my red ring! I’m off to destroy the world! But before I do…

This Saturday and Sunday are going to be ridiculous! The annual spring Tate’s Comics tent sale is going on, as well as Florida Supercomics’ first Comic Stock! Incredible deals, both stores are doing a ‘fill a longbox for $35’ type thing, just fun for all ages. Tate’s will be having the FotoRobot again, while FSC is going to have karaoke and a costume contest. I’ll be at both sales Saturday, so keep an eye out!

Catch you folks later, same place as always. Peace out!

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Teddy/Billy shippers, hold onto your shit

Somehow, I managed to wrangle myself ten books, and not all are from DC! One of these is a total surprise to me, mainly because I had no clue that a new Young Avengers mini was running, let alone it having a spinoff one-shot. I’m excited, but also sad. Because Knight and Squire ends today. Ah, well, let’s get to it, shall we?

As always, we start off with Fail Train. I just can’t get into Firestorm storylines. I have no attachment, no affection for the character. Except, apparently the White Lantern is very pleasant to them. Wait, what? What just happened? Heroic sacrifice from..? Okay, the White Lantern? Is a dick. Whatever happened to J’onn?! Is that storyline just…over? I demand the end of that story! No one cares about Firestorm!

The Flash in Superman is Barry, not Wally. Either way, pie is had. Moving on.

So Shrike is really…? Oh man, oh man. This was supposed to be a funny title, what happened here? Do they really have a naked hero called Birthday Girl? I mean, seriously? England, I love you. Never change. Oh my god. Squire, you’re amazing. Brilliant. Remember the truce magic at the pub from issue #1? Well, not even American villains are immune, it seems. You were a hoot and a half, Knight and Squire, I can only hope you’re given another mini, or better yet, an ongoing, soon as possible.

Ever read a comic that just causes you to sigh and shake your head? I haven’t seen any of the new Young Justice show since the third episode, and I’m okay with that. I don’t watch a lot of TV. But this comic is just…confusing to me. The entire other issue, both of them, really, was just a dreamlike state brought on by a G-Gnome that has a crush on Superboy? Well, okay. We’ll go with that. I think I’m going to try and catch up on the show before the next issue, just to be sure.

Adventure Comics as a Legion Academy book…I wasn’t sure how I felt about that before, but I guess I can roll with it well enough. This Hadru kid, I jut want to smack. Glorinth is about as naive as Teen Titans Go Starfire, with about as much power to make her dangerous. And Dragonwing…her look is seriously the only thing about her that I like. The rest of this particular arc seems like it’s going to revolve around Hadru and his genemod, and saving his family from baddies. Eh, I can keep reading, see what happens. Not particularly enthused, though.

Okay, so, this is a story set after Generation Lost? You couldn’t do a couple of stand-alone issues first, Judd? Because some of the dialogue and all of the events are kind of a gigantic spoiler alert. Though Superman initiating a conversation about Kara’s breasts is kind of funny, so you’ve got points for that. The pseudo-sexual dialogue between Kara and Nicco, however, made me squirm uncomfortably. Like, really uncomfortably. A man and a woman can interact without being realted and be friends, Judd. This has happened in the past, you know.

I’m going to be perfectly honest here. Marcus To, your art is ridiculously pretty. Anyway, to the story. This is the conclusion of that Uternet thing and in it, Tim fights the Madmen. Remember them? Psychos that fought Blue Beetle back in the day? Anyway, in the last Crisis, Darkseid got ahold of them and made them into living servers for the Uternet. And apparently, he also made them really…yeah. By the way, the cover with a bunch of men and two women throwing themselves at Tim has nothing to do with the story. It just exists to make people raise eyebrows. Ooh, but what’s this? The Uternet has been shut down…or has it? Lonnie can’t really exist in the real world, but in the Uternet, the coma patient is king.

If Marcus To’s art is too pretty, then Claude St. Aubin’s art is too sexy. I mean, he draws the absolute hottest Lobo to ever roam the hallowed halls of DC. Tony Tony Tony, why’d you have to go and change Lobo’s origin like that? Czarnians were supposed to be peaceful people, and the trait that made Lobo so different was how he was prone to violence. Ah, well. The fact that they all dressed like KISS rejects kinda makes up for the re-origining. Kinda. Man, I just had a thought that gave me chills. In this new origin, all Czarnians can regrow themselves from a single drop of blood. So…what happens when a female Czarnian goes through menstruation? Yoof. And with that thought, I’ll move along.

My first thought upon seeing the team shot in the Young Avengers Children’s Crusade one-shot: Where’s Billy? And Kate and…Tommy? Oh, the shippers are gonna shit. Anyone else pissed that we got to see Billy give Nate mouth-to-mouth before we get to see him kiss Teddy? That’s just kinda messed up. To me. This is a comic that I literally spent half the time leaning back away from the page I was reading. I’ve freaked over YA comics before, but goddamn. Now I need to find backissues of the Children’s Crusade issues before next month. I need to know what happens to my babies.

Twilight Guardian is a consistantly good book. I’m sad that it’s a mini, and that it’s an issue from over. This time around, the Guardian is going over comic samples of a comic based on her, that a publisher has been sending her. Frankly, each is more terrible than the last. Obviously, they’re trying to parody the Big Two’s take on comics, and I find that pretty amusing.

That’s this week. I’m as amazed by the early post as you guys are, honest. But I’m going to be hanging with a friend tonight, so I wanted to post before he got to me. Catch you next week!

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-insert expletive here- YOU JUDD WINICK

Ten books. Ten. Holy shit. And Fail Train isn’t on the lineup. In fact, I’m not expecting any of these to suck. Holy Moley.

Knight and Squire is always good for a chuckle, so- oh my god! Since it’s hard to emote without vocal inflection, that was an indignant yell. This is supposed to be a funny action title, what the hell is the Joker doing in England? Ohh, I’m not pleased.

Okay, lemme be the first to say that I’m a fan of Chemical Kid’s glowing green glasses. Actually, I like the designs of everyone in the new Legion Academy. That doesn’t mean I like their personalities, though. Glorinth seems okay, but Hadru is a ridiculous brat. Dragonwing seems like a bit of a bitch, too. If Adventure Comics is going to be detailing the adventures of the kids in Legion Academy from now on, I could dig it.

…kiss of rage and burning blood? Oh, Guy, you silly boy. Pff, of course the telepaths would bitch while Bleez is trying to help them. Okay, now, maybe a Green Lantern veteran reader can help me; who the heck is Aleesun? Whoever she was, she seemed to mean quite a bit to Guy. Ah well, if no one answers me, I guess I can wait until next issue.

I believe the last issue of R.E.B.E.L.S. ended with someone stealing Tribilus. Except, apparently, Smite wasn’t after Tribilus, he was after Dox. And now Starro has made the Psion homeworld the cornerstone world for his new empire…wow, our universe is fucked! No, really, our universe is fucked. So, you remember how the Psions were cloning things? Well, they’re cloning Czarnians. I guess the only good thing is that Starro is unable to control them. But still, an army of Lobo? This can only end in mass bloodshed and/or sex. Or maybe not. Lobo, you smart bastich. Oh shit! Is Stormdaughter…dead? I hope not, she was a pretty cool character. Ah well, cliffhangers abound.

I’m still a little wary about the Speed Force motorcycle. I mean, it’s a pretty lame idea. But Sam (one of the people that works at my LCS) just offered the suggestion that it could be John Fox, the Flash of the 25th century. But that seems unlikely. For one, John Fox is way too cool to do something as lame as have a Speed Force motorcycle. Then, there’s the existence of the Reverse Flash Task Force. Why would 25th century Central City need both? Methinks John Fox may be no longer in continuity. ‘Elongated Kid’? And it’s a dead old man?
So the motorcycle guy is…but…what?! Okay, prediction time. Elongated Kid is the anomaly, and he’s actually Ralph and Sue’s unborn child from an alternate timeline. You heard it here first, folks.

I’m gonna be completely honest, Batman and Robin is all about Robin. Damian is a brat, and we love him for it. He’s even grouchy with a milkshake in one hand and his family all around. You little snit, I love ya. Anyway, the issue starts out with a suicide and ends with lots and lots of glowing bats. It was a good issue, but honestly, every part that didn’t have Damian being a brat sort of made my eyes glaze over. The kid stole the show.

Damn, and here I was hoping that Tim would ditch the condom-cap and stick with the Uternet costume permanently. Have we mentioned that Catman is badass lately? Because he is. When a member of the family that used to beat you up for fun acknowledges that you’re a BAMF, then by god, you’re a BAMF. But this issue isn’t about Catman. It’s about Tim calling Superboy Kon.
No, seriously, he did. Go check, I’ll wait. See it? Ohmygod! Aaand then Damian steals the spotlight in this issue, too. What is it about that kid that makes writers focus on him? Augh, I hate that I love him so much. And then the Calculator was a bomb! There are many bombs! Everybody panic! The art in this issue was fabulous. Marcus To, I give you my blessing to draw teenagers forever.

Batgirl is one of those series’ that just puts you in a good mood from start to finish. I mean, the plot of this issue is that Steph and Klarion (bum bum BUM) the Witch Boy are on a mission to get his familiar laid. No, seriously. I liked the nice little hat tip Klarion gave to his old musical sting, too. Though I am a bit torqued that Teekl has been rebooted to be male. I guess DC was getting tired of all the beastiality jokes. Hold your rotten veggies until the end please, folks.

Dinah, your mom is hot. Meaning no disrespect to the dead, but dayum. I hope Gail Simone never becomes my subconcious. I love her, but she’s way, way too good at making people she writes feel guilty. She’s like nine Jewish mothers and a middle school principals wrapped into one being of infinite power. Oh god, I just gave myself goosebumps at that thought. Current, I hope you die in a fire. He pimp slapped Lady Blackhawk! Who does that?! No one! What the hell?! Wow, Hank, you’re horribly drawn this issue. I mean, wow. The ladies, however, look excellent, especially Dove. I’m really starting to like this character again. What?! Another cliffhanger? Fab.


That was what I excused myself from the comic store to scream outside until my voice broke. Damnit, Judd. Damnit, DC. GOD DAMNIT, MAX LORD. Did the original Blue Beetle kill your puppy? Rape your mother? Is that why you’ve seen to it that everyone that holds the Scarab, that you can get to, must die of a gunshot to the head? As soon as the issue opened, my heart clenched. In a series like this, if there’s a flashback to better times, someone is going to die. Someone is going to die. First issue of Identity Crisis, Ralph was telling Firehawk how he and his wife met. Four pages later, death. But you couldn’t just kill him, could you, asshole? You had to give us hope. Jaime escapes! Jaime gets a signal out so that the rest of the JLI can find him! Power Girl is off to tell the world about how evil Max is! The JLI makes it to Max’s hideout! Jaime says something funny!

Fuck. You. No more. I thought Jaime would be protected, Editorial mandates and what have you. He was a character Infinite Crisis spawned, Dan Didio liked him, fans liked him, he was the first Blue Beetle ever brought to TV. He’s supposed to be on Smallville soon. He has a family that loves him, friends outside of the superheroing set. His little sister ships Boostle. He has a good relationship with both his living parents, and he took his grandma flying once. I, I’m not gonna cry. I refuse to give you the satisfaction. He isn’t dead, this is just the mother of all fakeouts. It had better be.

That was this week in comics. I’m gonna go have dinner, then rock back and forth while clutching my knees and sitting fully clothed in the shower. Peace out.

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A good week? What is this, Utopia?

Second week of the month, you know what that means! Eleven books! No fail expected! Can you handle this?! Let’s see if you can.

Okay, Paul Cornell should write Batman and Robin from now on. Please don’t let this one arc be it, because holy shit. Una Nemo, Absence, is one of those Bat-villains that has potential lasting power. She has a grudge on Bruce Wayne and typical Silver Age female motivation: to get the man she’s pining for to notice her. Sounds simple and almost silly, right? Well, Absence has one up on the women of the Silver Age because, guess what? She’s a friggin’ evil genius. Luring all the Batmen possible to her so that her gang can take out the people who tried to kill her the first time around, testing the strength and mettle of the Batman/Robin bond…brilliant. From my keyboard to DC editorial’s ears, Absence could be one of the great Batman femme fatales, don’t let her fall into obscurity.

Let me just say, I love how Cyril has a Southern Butler. He really is the Batman of England, and this ‘Hank’ seems like just the right person to be his Alfred. And ohmygod, Shrike and Cyril doing the guy thing. I swear to god, I was half expecting a line like, “You break her heart, I’ll break your legs.” Booooys…Beryl is quite possibly one of my favorite characters now. I mean, she’s so…hngh. If you’re not reading Knight and Squire yet, hop to it. Two issues left, and I can’t stand it.

Holy shit. What is this garbage?! Who stole Helena Sandsmark’s personality and replaced her with a bitch? Okay, a little bit of the history of the current Wonder Girl and her mother. Cassie has never really had a hard time getting her mother to support her career as a superhero. Helena worked at the museum that Cassie first swiped the magical tools that granted her original powers, and seemed to have very few qualms about Zeus granting her powers of her own. She literally got into a fist fight with Arrowette’s mother over letting their daughters be superheroes versus forcing them to. In the midst of the Amazon Attack, Helena was placed in a sympathizers camp, because she was the mother of Wonder Girl. Helena has NEVER been truly against Cassie being a hero. So what is this?! Blatant disregard of character history. I dub thee fail. But it was nice to finally officially meet the character that’s eventually going to become a Titan, Solstice. I like her character design, very pretty. Holy bi-polar, Batman! Did Cassie’s mom have a second personality transplant on top of the first? I find this odd, because J.T. Krul is normally such a good writer, but his characterization of Helena Sandsmark is, well, way off the mark.

Oh, Damian. You know you love Alfred like a grampa. Give it time, the revelation will come to you. How is it that every time Damian and Steph team up, I find myself falling more and more for the little bastard? He’s just too cute! I know this is the Batgirl book, but I wouldn’t object at all to more teamups between these two. Damian trying to blend in on a field trip, Steph teaching him how to play in a bounce house…DC, I’m begging you. Make this a regular thing between arcs. Damian needs a fun big sister to counterbalance the rest of his nutty family.

“No skin off my full, lustrous head of hair, man.” Oh, Deadshot. Never stop being amusing. This month’s Secret Six is a direct continuation of the last issue of Action Comics. In it, we see that Vandal really does love his daughter, Lex, while hot beyond words, is the biggest prick of all, and that Black Alice is probably the best and worst person to have on your team ever. “Is that a giant green catching mitt? I’d rather take the fall.” Oh, one-liners.

AUGH! That first giant splash page of Kilowog yelling at Guy actually caused me to jump. I’ve come to a conclusion about the Red Lanterns. Their power? It’s bulimia. Bleez barfs up a knife to take out a planetwide ring of defense, then chews on the big bad. This is how Red Lanterns stay so fit, everyone! Their power is purging!

Guillem March, you glorious bastard. The art in Birds of Prey was so pretty, I’m not even sure how to handle myself right now. And Gail, that scene with the Penguin was just horrifyingly creepydorable.

I want Tim to keep this new suit. He would have the best way of explaining how it came about. “It came to me in a dream!” The Uternet, which, by the way, is the worst name for a supervillain’s MMORPG in the history of ever, has been breached and corrupted! Tam Fox secretly wants to be a blaxploitaion heroine named Foxy Lady! Tim, or Lonnie, wants Cass to be Batman! Never change, book. Never change.

Oh god, please don’t let me turn the page to see that Lobo has a daughter. PLEASE don’t let me turn the page to see that Lobo has a daughter. Let’s just go back to Vril and Komand’r being flirty, lovey dovey time with Adam and Alanna, and Lobo harassing Captain Comet about how Kory just wants to bang him. Yaaay, more flirty flirty with Vril and Komy and…Stormdaughter? Stormdaughter is a Czarnian? Please don’t kiss him. Let the close-up on her lips mean that she’s about to start singing Science Fiction Double Feature, not that Stormdaughter is about to make out with Lobo. Don’t do this to me, Tony. I’m in no state to start shipping anything tonight. AUGH. You did it! You finally did it! You blew it up, damn you! Nice to see the phrase ‘Feetal’s gizz’ back in action, though. I missed it. (I should not find Lobo ripping his shirt as hot as I do oh god what is wrong with me damn you Claude St. Aubin you draw everyone too hot) Oh, good. It was just a pheromone. Worried me for a second there, Tony. Lobo isn’t Superman, he made sure he was the last of the Czarnians. In other news, trying to imagine a Tamaranian/Coluan hybrid just made me wince. The kid would be a walking Christmas decoration. Oh noes! Why you be stealin’ my Tribilus?

…Booster is 35? No wonder he’s so touchy about the possibility of going bald. Origin story, origin story, “Women in dozens of eras across history have sung the praises of my ass!” fight scene, fight scene, Iron Man reference (how?), banned from his favorite coffee place, origin story, YOU’RE UNDER ARREST! Ladies and gentlemen, that was Booster Gold #40 in a run-on sentence. Thank you.

So this entire run-around was just so Max could regain control of Checkmate and reactivate the OMACs? Max, I think you should just wear a big name tag, because you’re going to get sick of introducing yourself over and over. Also, when did Kara add high heels to her costume? She didn’t, that’s when. Stupid artist.

I’d like to just say, the latter half of these reviews were written while I was half asleep. I apologize for any unintentional humor, and if it suits me, I’ll rewrite them at a later date. Peace out, and stay warm.

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Won’t you come on over..?

Ten books this week! An ending, a spotlight, and a special lie among them. Ooh, fun!

DC doing a decent Hanukah story? Set in Jonah Hex’s book? Really?! Man, that totally makes up for the lame Anthro story that preceded it. The DCU Holiday Special is a good tradition, but this is the first time I can remember stories for all religions being included, it’s mostly about Christmas. But this year has seriously stepped it up. Discussing Hanukah, Muslim and Christian extremists (thank you, Tony Bedard), the Persian new year…it’s unheard of and taboo, but still the most awesome thing I’ve seen done in awhile. The Legion story was also very nice, and this isn’t me being Levitz-biased; the story itself was written by Abnett and Lanning.

I really do like Knight and Squire a whole lot. Both the team and the book, I mean. And this issue is focused squarely on the cloning of Richard III! Yeah, you read that right. Of course, he’s as evil as Shakespeare made him out to be, and he clones a bunch of other former kings so that he can take over England…it’s good fun, really. He’s defeated by, well, an old king stands no chance against Twitter and Youtube, all I’m going to say.

Tim Drake has to be the luckiest guy in the world…or the only Bat the Batfamily is trying to assure the heterosexuality of. Trying the hardest, at least. Seriously, Ariana, Steph, Zoanne, Cassie, Lynx, Cass, Scarab, Tam, and now this Promise chick..? Tim has more beards than a dapper gentleman’s club. Think about it; he’s attacked by a naked chick, and his first thought isn’t ‘Hurr, boobies.’. He even turns off his suit’s cameras. Timmy boy, you are the very farthest from the realm of straight guys one can be. And we love you.

I knew that something was up when Ivy showed up. Those of you with long memories may remember that she was one half of the main villain team the first time Robin and Superboy teamed up, so I knew her presence wasn’t something to just brush off. Except, it kinda was. All thanks to Kon’s new Jimmy Olsen, Simon, and his amazing parasite frogs! Yes, you read that correctly. And then there are the mysterious old men at the end. Okay, series. I’m intrigued. Let’s see where this goes.

Batgirl is one of the funniest books I pick up. Wit and action go hand in hand, and that’s always good to see. I’d just like to say, though, that in a fight of Batgirl versus guy in a speed suit, she’s probably gonna lose unless Oracle or Proxy can hack that thing quick. Seeing as this issue was just a setup for next issue with some banter mixed in, I haven’t got much to say on it.

Mixed feelings on the Captain Boomerang spotlight over in Flash this month. One one hand, it’s good to see Scott Kolins working on the Flash again. On another hand…Geoff is basically saying that with the exception of Axel Walker, none of the Rogues he created on the old run of Flash are of any consequence. They’re next to nothing. What is this? He said it on the third page: “They’re good for a laugh, but they’re not Rogues.” Geoff, I am disappoint. The rest of the issue wasn’t that much better. Beaten as a child, the product of an affair between his mother and the guy that headed the company that first provided his Boomerangs…predictable. Hopefully, the Reverse-Flash origin in a few weeks won’t be half as bad as this.

When Booster Gold can intimidate Captain Atom into standing the fuck down, you know you’re doing something right. Banter, interesting Rocket Red-isms, Bea and Tora being all BFF-y, more than two pages of Max…could it be that Winick (WINIIIIIIICK) is doing something…right? And it’s like Joe Bennet is channeling Kevin Maguire during the ‘Booster yells’ scene! I’m enjoying this book for the first time since Keith Giffen took a hike and then…Bea gets shot. Lovely.

Oh Booster, never stop monologuing about how you miss Ted. It’s heartbreaking, but it’s still makes for some of the best things I’ve ever read. Hopefully, this isn’t the last of the I-miss-Ted issues of Booster Gold, because I don’t think I’d be able to handle it. I don’t know if I ever told you guys this but Ted Kord…he’s my everything. He and Booster were the stars of the first comic I ever read (Justice League America #34, Club JLI). Without them, I wouldn’t be writing this blog today. I refuse to believe Ted is gone forever. A good Beetle is never truly down for the count. I miss you, Blue. -cough- Um, this blog will continue after a short crying jag.

Alright, now where were we? Ah, R.E.B.E.L.S.. I like this book for three reasons: First, it’s written by Tony Bedard, whom I would root for in a writer knife fight between anyone except Gail Simone. Secondly, it stars two of the Dox line, and anyone who knows me will know my extreme fondness for Coluans. And last, feuds everywhere! Seriously, L.E.G.I.O.N. vs Green Lantern Corps, Dox vs Starro, Lobo vs Everyone…whee, fighting! Oh, this cheered me up immensely. If you’re not reading this book, you should be.

I, I want to applaud. Gail, you are the light of my life. You take an aspect from the second issue ever and manage to tie it into the last issue of the mini. Also, don’t think I didn’t catch that Paul Simon reference in there, you clever wench. I love you. I think I need to have a bit of a lie-down to recover from the awesome that is this issue. Readers, this is no longer a request. Go out and buy Welcome to Tranquility. You will thank me.

Well, this week’s review is horribly late, but I blame it on the last night of Hanukah. Next week will be on time. Nay, early! Okay, on time. But perhaps with a fancy font..? Anyway, I’m hella tired and wondering how my Gaia sales are going, so I’m gonna get out of your hair. Next week, same place? Fantastic. Peace!

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Female empowerment week? I think yes.

Oh, what an adventurous week this will be! Ten titles, no Marvel, and the end of a series that, frankly, I really didn’t give half a rip about anyway! Shall we begin?

My boyfriend read The Return of Bruce Wayne before I did and told me not to bother. I…did not listen. But instead of really reading, I just glanced through. It was pretty generic, from what I saw. Lots of mentioning of holes (a little part of me kept cracking ‘that’s what she said’ jokes. I’m so ashamed.), Hal Jordan being a douche, etc. Sorry, Grant. I’m giving this one star, would not read again.

Knight and Squire, on the other hand…it’s like Paul Cornell said to himself, “Hm, how British can I make this series before it becomes too British and people drop it from their pull lists?” I think you’re almost there, honey. I mean, I’m kinda fluent in the utter nonsense (thank you, Louise Rennison) that British writers can come up with, but even now…I think he’s just making stuff up. I’m not dropping the series, though. It just has that perfect mix of action and comedy that keeps me reading.

I think my eyebrow was quirked the entire time I was reading Welcome to Tranquility. I couldn’t help it, I just…god damn, Gail. Tommy and Derek were in love once? I mean, I thought what he had for her was a creepy obsession or something. And Seresa may be parapalegic? Or, if she gives up the ghost, Vengence of the sidewinder spirits? Holy moley. And Tommy was..? Good god, woman, don’t you tease me like this! Augh, cliffhangers, my one true weakness! Next time, Simone, next time..!

So, Emerald Warriors is quickly becoming my favorite incarnation of Green Lantern. Why? Just…read the Guy/overseer interaction in the atmosphere. That’s probably the funniest damn thing I’ve read in weeks. Also, I know how I’m all ‘Blue Corps, yay!’, but the Red Lanterns are really starting to grow on me. Bleez in particular, because she’s just…from all the stuff we know about her, she’s pretty much a Libby with a heart of gold…except she’s technically evil? I dunno. The metaphor derailed itself. End result, Emerald Warriors is awesome, pick it up if you can.

Batgirl, anyone? While Babs shall always be my favorite Bat-lady, Steph gets props for being a strange yet awesome combination of her, Dick, and Tim. She’s a lady that cracks jokes and worked her ass off to get where she wanted to be, and that deserves a bit of respect. See, this is why I’m afraid of colleges, people are always dying of something. Cloaked men chasing a science major and murdering him? Just a normal day on campus, nothing to see here.

Red Robin: Oh, hey, Cass! Where the hell have you been for a year? Also, a little shout out to the Teen of Steel. Apparently his colors aren’t the only thing Tim’s got on him. (“They call me ‘Superboy’..? That’ll be news to Conner…”) Cass turned down the Bat! Okay, I’m kinda psyched about that. Maybe there’s hope in her being the new Nightwing after all… Ha! And Tim gets his own sexy, sexy enemy. His own Catwoman, if you will. Ack, stop with the fruit throwing! Her name is Lynx for pity’s sake! Also, Bathugs! They are certainly the best kind of guy-on-guy hugs to have (just ask Superboy). Oh my, Tim. You’ve certainly learned well at the knee of Dick, you manslut you.

“But I wanted to beat up Nazis!” is probably the greatest excuse in time travel, please excuse the pun, history. So, anyone wondering when General Glory would pop up in comics again? No? Well, too bad, here he is! And…he’s off his rocker in a major way. Y’know, I hope DC chooses to keep Rani around, her interactions with the Carter family are just too adorable for words. “Please don’t call me Boppy.” You know you love it, Rip.

Generation Lost was hella depressing this week. Basic synopsis: because Max Lord is a bastard and Nate is a good soldier, Magog dies and Max’s life is fully restored. What. The fuck. I’m not entirely sure what’s going on here. Ohh, wait. Max had to kill Magog to stop a war that would decimate the world from happening, I remember now. Y’know, I just had a thought. Would people on other worlds remember Max? Manga Khan, Kyle, who I don’t think was on Earth at the time of the mind wipe (unlike Guy), even Starfire and Adam Strange. Would any of them remember him? I mean, aside from Booster Gold and Power Girl, I don’t think he’s shown up in any books other than this one. Is he a contained subject? Or is the entire universe doomed to forget all about the guy who is kinda aspiring to be Hitler? And before people get up in arms about that comment, think about it. His entire purpose for being evil? Rid the world of superheroes from other planets, or with ridiculous superpowers. He didn’t want to kill Ted, he wanted Ted to join him because they’re both fully human. Except, Max isn’t fully human. He had mind-controlling powers, and then he was a cyborg. That’s another thing that I don’t think was ever explained. How did Max go from being a nonpowered cyborg to being human again? Did he clone himself or something? What’s the deal, DC? Ugh, I’m giving myself a headache, next book.

R.E.B.E.L.S.: The book that goes there. Seriously, I think I may like this series better than any other (set in space) not only because of the writing, but because of the art. Claude St. Aubin and Kevin Sharpe have made Starfire look better than she has in any series since her appearances in The New Teen Titans. And yes, I’m counting the art in the early issues of the Titans book in there, as well as how Ed McGuiness drew her in Superman/Batman. I’ve never been a huge Starfire fan, something that was cemented by the cartoon, but it seems to me like she’s never been more feminist or had more integrity than she does in this series. I’d never expected to describe a woman whose sole reason for living used to be Dick Grayson as a ‘feminist’, but god damn, Kory. Way to go. Also, and this is a major SPOILER ALERT, last page, are those a bunch of tanks of Czarnians?! Holy shit.

God damn, Gail. I know I’m taking the lord’s name in vain an awful lot this week, but can you blame me? Huntress vs Shiva, and Helena is still alive? The art kinda threw me for a bit of a loop, in that it wasn’t the best. Kind of like a watered-down version of something Francis Manapul would draw with his unnatural hand. But good god on the mountaintop, can Lee and Melo do a fight scene. It was that alone that redeemed the art for me. Gail, I’d gush more, but I honestly can’t think of anything that I haven’t said a hundred times before. You’re an earthbound angel, lady.

Well, that was my week in comics. For anyone who cares to check it out, I’ve started a weekly thread in the Comics board on Gaia Online’s forums called The Appeal of Fandom, which flows a lot like this here blog. Only, instead of being a breakdown of books, I examine popular things within comic fandom. It’s all pretty simple, but fun! I’m actually going to go check in on it now, see y’all next week!

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