Posts tagged zatanna

As I walk into the valley of the shadow of Reboot…

Every book I’m looking at this week is a final issue. Every single one. The end of the second to last wave of Flashpoint minis, the end of the Super books, the space titles, the end of Zatanna. I feel very sad, so I may as well get on with it.

As always, the Flashpoint titles will be reviewed as one.
Wonder Woman and the Furies sucked. For one thing, this issue should have been put out before the last issue of the Emperor Aquaman mini, for better continuity flow. For another thing, it just sucked. The Orm/Penthesilea thing came out of fucking nowhere. Well, that’s not true. Penny has been a traitor to the Amazons since issue #1 of WW&tF, but the fact that they’ve apparently been working together to topple the leadership of their respective family members so that they could…what? Also have a political marriage? This is the pot calling the kettle a bad queen, Penny.
What’s with the Flashpoint minis ending horribly? I mean, really now. Legion of Doom had a strong first issue, a pretty good second issue…and now this ending is ridiculous. Puns? Beating Cyborg with his own arm? Mick, why are you doing this to me? At least the last two pages are pretty badass.
Maybe I spoke too soon. Abin Sur the Green Lantern kicked ass! Seriously this mini rocked. The art was fantastic, the storyline was just amazing, and the twist at the end, while sort of predictable, was still really cool how it was pulled off. I give this mini a 5/5 for its trouble.
We now return you to your scheduled programming.

The end of, yet another, Legion series. I should be used to this by now. Hm, according to the cover, someone is going to die. My guess, Earth Man. Seriously, redeem ’em, then off ’em, that’s the Legion way. Let’s see. Exposition, exposition, your powers combined I am Captain Planet annnnnd…I was right! I love being right. But I didn’t like this series. I love the Legion of Superheroes, but I loved my Legion, the first Reboot Legion, the best. Sorry, Paul Levitz.

The final issue of Green Lantern Corps was sort of anticlimactic, yet fitting. Only thing I’m asking, why the hell was Scott Kolins the writer for the final issue? Was Tony Bedard on holiday? Anyway, this issue focused on the other thousand or so members of the Corps that no one ever pays attention to because of those damn attention-whoring Earthmen. It wasn’t a bad issue, tell the truth, but it also wasn’t that great. Maybe I’m just biased because I love Tony Bedard so much and prefer Scott Kolins on pencils, I dunno. Ah well. Goodbye, Green Lantern Corps v.2. You were pretty kickass.

Wow, way to leave a giant gaping hole in a story, Superboy. So, we’re never going to find out what the hell was up with Psion? Fantastic. You know what, I’m sorry, but I just couldn’t really pay attention to the exposition against the background of terrible art.

The end of Supergirl was actually pretty cute. Professor Ivo is always a good villain to put against a Super, and this time was no exception. I’m glad to see that the whole ‘secret identity’ thing is still a foreign concept to Kara. Seriously, she sucks at this. I wonder how that conversation went after she put him back on the ground. “Magic my ass! You’re Supergirl!” “Whoops…” I’m going to miss this version of Supergirl, I was really starting to like her.

Why, why why will you not exist in the reboot, Peeg? This issue, the final issue, shows all the reasons she should still be around. Power Girl managed to save the day three times in under a minute, why is she being erased?! Augh, I’m getting angry. Power Girl, you had a fantastic run. I’ll probably miss you most of all.

Why did the final issue of Zatanna have to be written by Adam Beechen? It’s just not right. That being said, it wasn’t a bad issue. It was basically a bunch of filler that made me feel like I should be reading it to the tune of the Benny Hill theme. Here, DC, just take my heart and rip it to pieces. Saves me the trouble of doing it myself.

That was this week in comics, you guys. I just…I’m entering full-on depression mode. I’m going to get something to go home now and roll around on my issues of Impulse and Young Justice until I feel better.

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The girls are back! For another month or so!

Nine books this time around, geez. I think my wallet may actually be looking forward to the September Reboot. Oh, and speaking of which, be sure to pick up the FREE Reboot primer from your LCS this week! Get the skinny on the new 52, and see a sneak peek of the new Justice League! And then promptly come online and start bitching about it.

As always, Flashpoint is going to be one massive paragraph. Hold onto your hippogriffs, folks.
Wonder Woman and the Furies is one of those titles that just makes me sad. Deception across the board, war-mongering…it’s just a book I won’t buy on principle.
So, in no universe is Dick Grayson allowed to have parents. I get it, I get it. Deadman is still a douche, Count Vertigo is a good guy, hmph. If this issue ends with Dick putting on that fucking helmet, I’m going to vomit at the predictability of it all. Oh. Oh my. Holy balls. Okay, there are things I love about Flashpoint, and things I hate about Flashpoint. And Kory’s design? That’s one for the LOVE side. The costume looks impractical as hell, but I’ve always been a sucker for things that couldn’t possibly exist in real life. And her gauntlets. And her HAIR. God, I bet it’s all just painted on.
Legion of Doom is fun. It’s a villain book, plain and simple. There are familiar faces, but no real good guys. There is gruesome death, bloody executions between inmates in plain sight. And it starts Mick Rory, Heat Wave. You can bet your bottom dollar that I enjoy this book. If you haven’t picked it up yet, I do recommend it.
We now return you to your scheduled programming.

Wasn’t too fond of this month’s issue of Zatanna. Oh, no wonder, Paul Dini wasn’t writing. No offense to you, Derek Fridolfs, but Paul kinda has me spoiled when it comes to the Mistress of Magic. And when you make your one-shot issue about witch hunters and assassination attempts, well, at least the art was good. And apparently, Zee is a Doctor Who fan. Did any of you catch that scarf?

I’m only reading Legion of Superheroes for Yildiray Cinar’s art. I’m sorry, Paul Levitz, but this bad habit you have of turning an entire issue into a fight scene is just grating on me. Still, ooh, look at all the pretty, pretty ladies and gents.

So last time on Supergirl, Kara went to school to solve a mystery (again). This time, she’s compromised her secret identity after a fellow student gets kidnapped (again). And the villain of this arc, fresh off his spot in Power Girl, is , yes, Professor Ivo. The art is alright, the writing is engaging, so why do I keep feeling like I’ve read this story before?

This month’s Power Girl is so obviously for the fans. The female fans, at least. Every comic girl dreams of being a superhero at least once in her life and in this issue, a few girls actually get to live the dream. I’d like to think that superhero conventions where real superheroes show up happen in the DCU. Superman and Superboy probably love going to those things. I’m going to miss this book, it had a good run.

I’ve got a series of complaints to lodge with the two-shot War of the Green Lanterns epilogue. First off, this art is terrible. Everyone has foot-face syndrome. Okay, with that bit of bitchery out of the way, I’m just going to come right out and say it. What the fuck, you guys? No, seriously, what the fuck? The Guardians going all nuts over Hal being able to kill Krona, not immediately stripping Sinestro of his ring, Kilowog quitting…what’s going on here? And then there’s the only really good scene in the issue, the scene where Saint Walker constructs a glowing blue Sayd for Ganthet as he heals himself subconciously. That was really sweet, and will hopefully lead to a reunion.

To call Gates of Gotham an intriguing book is an understatement. It’s a mystery steepled in the history of Gotham City itself. The four families of old Gotham, Wayne, Elliot, Cobblepot, and Kane, are as deeply engrained into the Batman mythos as they are in the memories of the readers. This issue, we learn of the tragedies of years past, and how they fit into the present. It’s mostly talk with very little heavy action, but it’s good nonetheless.

That’s this week in comics, and about the end of my battery life. I’ve got an appointment with the latest Harry Potter movie, again, so this is where I take my leave. Hope to see you all again next week, same place, vaguely the same time.

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There’s a shameless self-plug at the end of this post!

Relatively small week, well, in comparison to what we’ve had lately. Seven books, and I’m only genuinely looking forward to three. Possibly four. No, three. Zoom is a dick. Shall we?

As always, I’ll be addressing the Flashpoint stuff in one go, because frankly, I don’t care much about or for it.
Sorry, James Robinson. You no longer have any entertaining value for me. I’ll always think of you fondly when I read Starman.
Lois Lane and the Resistance, however, is totally fierce. The Amazons have turned the United Kingdom into something akin to Nazi Germany. Men and women are seperated, all possessions are surrendered. Women are reprogrammed while men are seemingly transformed. Brilliant writing, really. A few complaints, though. Having Jimmy Olsen be a part of Cyborg’s resistance, ace. Killing him so that Lois has a guaranteed way in, not so ace. Also, what the fuck is Artemis wearing on that last page? Was she late for bondage night at Lashina’s house? Not very battle-compatible.
Okay, the Reverse Flash book is, predictably, an origin story. An origin story that ignores everything before Flash: Rebirth, apparently. Oh dear, this is just…really bad, to be honest. I liked the origin Eobard Thawne had in The Return of Barry Allen, that one was ace. And what’s this ‘never killing Iris’ bullshit? Uh, her death is kind of extremely important and…forget it. I’m not going to rant.
The Kid Flash book, on the other hand, is a work of art. Great plot, excellent art…DC, this is why Bart needs more spotlighting. He’s grown as a character since his days as Impulse, and too many people seem to forget that he’s not just the distracted kid with the great hair anymore. In this mini, Bart needs to figure out a way to jump-start the Speed Force…or he’ll die. He’s joined by the woman with the perpetual boner for Barry Allen, a deceptively youthful looking Patty Spivot, who is now using the guise of Hot Pursuit. I actually want to see how this one turns out.
We now return you to your normal programming.

In the tradition of other youth teams, this month’s issue of Young Justice takes place around a campfire! Seriously, this plot? Done to death. The New Teen Titans had a 4-issue origin mini set around this plot, the 7th issue of Young Justice had a campfire plot, even the short-lived Teen Titans Go! had a campfire-based origin issue. But hey, new Earth, new rules. Wally’s origin pisses me off. It’s widely accepted that the day Wally became Kid Flash was pretty much the happiest day of Barry’s life. He finally had someone who understood the power, someone to fight beside. What’s this bull about Wally having to convince Barry to take him on as a sidekick?! Ugh, I just…no.

I don’t know how he managed it, but Adam Beechen made me laugh. A lot. And I actually enjoyed this issue of Zatanna…until his legendary lack of research came into play. Zatanna can affect people. Hell, her most famous storyline of the past few years has involved her morphing peoples memories and personalities. It’s her cousin, Zach, who can’t affect people yet. Long story short, it’s an issue that’s good on one-liners, bad on pretty much everything else.

Batman: Gates of Gotham is a great book in many ways, and a terrible book in others. The writing and art are superb, it’s submersed in the history of a city we all think we know but really have no clue, and it’s not just a Batman book; it’s a Batman family book. Cass, Tim, Damian, and Dick are all working with Daddybats to discover who is dismanteling Gotham bit by bit- and why. My one complaint, the thing that makes this a bit of a bad book to me, is Damian. Y’all know me, I love that little brat to bits. But his attitude towards Cass…what is that? He’s shown to be nothing less than worshipping towards her very existance, and now he wants to beat her up? Sorry, I thought we’d moved past Morrison-era Damianby now. I’m still looking forward to how this series comes together, but not as much as I once was.

And that was this week in comics for me!
Hey, any of you guys Floridians? If so, have I got an idea for you! Stop on by Tate’s Comics this Saturday for the first-annual Swap and Sale! It’s from 10 am to 2 pm Saturday June 25th, and I have a booth! Hope to see you!

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In which my feelings for Jason Todd cause my heart to explode

Eight books…what is this, the second week of the month?! In any case, we’ve got a new series, the ending of an arc, and the beginning of three new arcs, so let’s get to it!

Gates of Gotham begins this week, and christ. I think I may actually like a Batman-focused book. Say what you will about Batman and Robin, but that’s a Damian book and everyone knows it. The books begins in Old Gotham, and ends on a mystery. Who are the ‘four families’ of Gotham? ‘Old money’, obviously. So, Wayne, Elliot, Kane, and..? I’m going to go out on a limb and say Falcone. The Falcones are a mob family, and who really knows how far back their influence goes in Gotham? Alan Wayne built the bridges that were blown up, and Tommy ‘Hush’ Elliot’s name is on one of them, my guess that the third bridge is named after either a Kane or this mysterious fourth family. Okay, Gates of Gotham. I’m intrigued. Carry on.

Miss Martian is starting to turn into an Omega character, I’ve noticed. This is the…third time, I think, she’s been involved in a situation where someone has tried to control her mind, been unable to, and that’s the reason the hero she’s working with is able to win. She’s been showing up as a guest star in other titles lately, too. Hmm, how likely do you think the chance is that DC will resurrect their ‘Teen Titans Spotlight’ mini-series’ and make one about Miss Martian? Oh, and I know that I’m technically talking about the latest issue of Supergirl but c’mon, who do you think was the real star of this issue?

…why does Zatanna see her assistant, Mikey, as a man in her dream? Apparently the dream is based on reality, the reality of three years past. Did Mikey…used to be a man? That’s actually a pretty neat idea, magical sex-change. I’d like to state for the record that very few people beat Paul Dini when it comes to banter. Zatanna’s exchange with the Spectre was just glorious. Oh, and on the darker side of human existence, Brother Night escapes from prison, and the detective that works with Zee sometimes is apparently his son. Crazy world we live in, huh?

The less I say about this month’s Power Girl, the better. There’s going to be an epic shitstorm tonight, ladies and gents, and frankly, I want no part in it.

Can I just say that I love Colu? And Coluans? Especially when they panic? Because face it, if you can startle the smartest, most logical beings in the universe, you know you’re one scary MF. So, anyone else getting sick of Levitz dancing around who Professor Li actually is? Obviously, she’s some kind of immortal. But who? Which one? Of what planet? Stop teasing and tell us, damnit!

You know what? I don’t think I’m going to like Flashpoint very much. Just judging from the Booster Gold crossover, I’m not saying it’s going to suck, I’m just saying that I don’t think I personally will like it.

Oh christ, don’t tell me this is going to be one of those arcs for Teen Titans. Raven’s dad is a demon. Her current body is made of the blood of devil worshippers. We get it, she’s bred to be bad, so she should naturally want to side with the demons. Blah blah blah, wasn’t this story done to death back when Johns was on this book?

And now, the moment I’ve been waiting for for months. Those of you that follow my Tumblr may have some inkling of how much I absofuckinglutely love Jason Todd. Now, my boy has been treated like shit under several pens recently (Tony Daniel and Grant Morrison immediately springing to mind), but now we’re back to basics. We’re back to the guy that made Jason Todd into the Red Hood. If you’ve read this blog in the past, you know how much I loathe Judd Winick. He can’t write women. He can’t write teams. He can’t really write interpersonal relationships. But this man knows how to write Jason Todd. His Under the Hood story, in which the character using the Red Hood nom de crime was revealed to actually be Batman’s dead sidekick Jason Todd, was the first non-Dini written Batman work I’d liked in a while. I expect this three-issue arc to be on par with that. No, really. I expect it. After shitting so thoroughly all over Power Girl and the JLI for the better part of a year, you owe us, Winick. This is it. This is your redemption for making Peeg’s secret ID a Bruce Wayne/Oracle hybrid. This is for molding Ice into some kind of twisted gypsy stereotype. This is for letting us think Jaime was dead.
I’m going to read the book now.
I’m very scared.
What the hell is Roy Harper’s head doing on Jason Todd’s body? I know this is obvious some kind of artist error, so you’re the one to answer for that one, Gulliem March. But this, this is nice. They’re talking. And Bruce’s inner-monologue brings an interesting thought to mind. Jason could ruin everything Bruce has built up, just by revealing his real name. Remember, as far as the rest of the world is concerned, Jason Todd died years ago. Bruce Wayne’s first adopted son is stone cold, worm food, gathering moss. He could tear down the entire legacy by going up to a security guard and going, “Hi, I’m Jason Todd. Want to know everything about Batman?” But he hasn’t. He loves Bruce that much. Because even though he wasn’t avenged, Bruce is still his father.
Oww no you did not just say that Jason oh god why
In case no one was paying attention to Red Hood: The Lost Days, Jason and Talia had a fling. And at the time of said fling, Damian was probably like, five. Maybe six. Jason is rubbing the fact that he had sex with the mother of Bruce’s child in his face. Don’t do this to me, Judd. I already hate you, this is just inviting some kind of verbal threat, and I don’t want to go to jail. Hnnngh, and in an instant, Gulliem March makes me forget why I’m mad. Pretty sure that if I ever found a man that looked like that, and somehow managed to enchant him with my stunning (HA) personality, you folks would never hear from me again. Jesus on wheels, Jason pump a little more iron with your thighs why don’t you! Aaaah and that ridiculous pinup pose after the yard fight…Jason Todd, will you and your bedroom eyes please report to my home immediately? Also, did anyone notice how he was reading Pride and Prejudice? Pretty sure his hand was covering the ‘and Zombies’ part of that title, but that’s just me.
…is that a T-Rex smoking a cigar while toting a sniper rifle? Whelp, thank god they showed up on the last page, because I’m a little tired of spitting obsceities. That was fucking hilarious. No, seriously, who are these guys? Where did they come from? Who was playing god one day and decided to splice a man with a fucking dinosaur? I think I need to lay down.

And that was this week in comics. If anyone needs me, I’ll be curled in a ball, crying under my covers while stroking the action figure I have of Jason Todd as Robin. I mean, I know the packaging says Young Dick Grayson, but look at those bangs. Look at those thighs. It’s Jason, and anyone who says otherwise is kidding themselves. Same time next week, my lovelies?

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If I ever form a superteam, I will call it the Crayola Cavalry

Another ten-book week?! Oh, my aching wallet!

Power Girl wraps up a two-shot with Peeg gaining a new look for her secret identity. Look out, Lana Lang! Gingers have officially made their way to the Superman family! All in all, it was a pretty basic plot. The dinosaurs from last issue were magical in origin, and Zatanna was being held prisoner by a villain that absorbed magical powers, named Siphon. A little cookie cutter, but what can you do?

I’m pretty impressed by the Zatanna creative team this month. Really, such masterful wordplay is rarely seen in comics this day and age, and I really do mean wordplay. In Symmetry, Zatanna is captured (wait, wasn’t she just captured in Power Girl? I smell shenanigans) by a villain named Backslash, whose power is to rewind time with his Fairy-powered sword. No, really. Anyway, she escapes with the power of palindromes. Wordplay! Oh, what fun, I do declare.

Well, I’m officially over the new Young Justice comic. Next book.

Ah, another part of the storyline of sin in Gotham City Sirens. Selina Kyle is asked to pull an Abraham and refuses to do it. Good for her. Next book.

I always enjoy seeing more of Colu and her inhabitants, so the fact that the mot recent Legion issue takes place on Colu made me very happy indeed. Saturn Queen is still gathering her army, Jo and Tinya are actually a pretty badass fighting team, and Brainy is, in fact, a boss. Very little actually happened this issue, so I really haven’t much to say about it.

Geoff Johns, your slasher is showing. Read this issue and tell me that you don’t see a Tumblr meme blossoming on every page. Especially after Hal and Guy exit the escape pod, hoo boy. So the boys have new rings and are ready to kick some ass! Though just putting my two cents in; I’d have loved to see Guy Gardner as a Star Sapphire. The pink might clash horribly with his hair, but just think of how dazzling he’d have looked in the assless chaps the ring would have given him!

Well, everyone’s screwed. Mogo is on the opposing side. Time to pack it in. The Green Lantern Corps is doomed. Goodnight everybody!

And so Twilight Guardian comes to a close. I enjoyed the mini, and I really hope it is popular enough to spin off into an ongoing, but who can tell. This issue, we really get to see the Guardian in action. She saves a family from a burning building and defeats the Dusk Devil, all with a slightly clouded mind, as her long-lost father is officially back in the picture. Yeah, I hope we get an ongoing out of this, I’d buy the hell out of it.

Holy shit! Okay, this was an incredibly heavy issue of Supergirl, from a fan’s perspective. Damian has offically joined the ranks of DC royalty, now that it’s been shown that his mental defenses are stronger than both Jaime’s and Miss Martian’s. But it’s his ‘deepest, darkest fear’ that has every Batfamily fan wriggling around in their seat, wanting to hug the stuffing out of him. He fears being under his mother’s control, forced to kill his true family. Please note that this family isn’t just Bruce and Dick, but Stephanie, Barbara, Tim, Alfred, and Commissioner Gordon as well. I’m going to assume the artist conveniently forgot to put in Colin and be done with that. But the real shocker is, as usual, a last-page cliffhanger. The villain of this arc? Hold onto your frontal lobes, ladies and gents, for it seems to be a clone of Dubbilex!

Tim is happier, Kara has a grip on reality again, looks like the mantle of Emo Kid has been passed onto Raven! Which sucks, frankly. I mean here they are, having a perfectly nice team-up with Solstice, and Raven has to go and ruin it by…doing whatever the hell it is she did with her powers. What was that? Energy discharge? Sonic boom? Whatever it was, it knocked those demons out. Also, way to be worried about Tim, guys. That was the worst worrying I’ve ever seen, go back and try it again. Ah well, at least next month’s Ravager/Superboy cover makes sense.

That was this week in comics. The Heroclix boys (and girl) have taken up the table, so I’m gonna head out early, hope everyone is having a good day. See y’all here next week!

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Sorry for the delay

Oh, I’m excited! Guess what comes out today? You may remember it from last year, early last year. No clue? Kick-Ass 2 #2! I know, that wasn’t cancelled. Aside from that, we’ve got five DC books to go through and not a lot of time. Shall we?

Lex Luthor, you’re a moron. I mean, you find a giant ship that looks like a head, and you don’t think Brainiac is inside?! I mean, you worked for him for a time, let’s get real here. Oh, okay. Bad acting. Way to fake your way through that, Lexy babe. BRAINIAC IS ORGANIC DAMNIT. He isn’t a machine. He is of the planet Colu. He should not have probes coming out of his brain. Well. This explains…nothing. So the nanites in Lex’s bloodstream placed there by Lois were being controlled by the unholy demon boss of Mr. Mind. That makes perfect sense. I’m going to write this off as a batshit insane Lex Luthor story and be done with it.

Oh shit. Well, that was so worth the wait. Kick-Ass joins a Justice League style team called Neighborhood Watch, finds a new BFF in a kid that goes to his school and also fights crime, and then they take on some Mafia guys. Fast-paced action, some nice storytelling, I’m re-hooked. Let’s hope it doesn’t take another year for the third issue.

Hal, Guy has built up an imunity to ‘one-punch’, what the hell are you doing. Okay, I think I get it now. The entire point of War of the Green Lanterns is to get Hal to take off his ring. But Hal won’t take his ring off. He’s only been able to commit to one thing in his life, and that’s the Corps. Whoops, spoke too soon. So tell me this, boys. How do you plan on defeating the entire Green Lantern Corps without rings? Am I the only person that wants to see Hal Jordan: Sinestro Corps honorary member? That’d make a nifty action figure, and also a really good start for some slashfic. Hal putting on Sinestro’s ring to defeat the Corps, using the impurity immunity against Krona. Give the fandom something to work with, guys! Also, the art this issue was just amazing. Fernando Pasarin, you can stay the rest of the arc and more if you want to, I’ll be happy to stare googly eyed at your pretty, pretty Guy.

Just from the cover and first page of Gotham City Sirens, I worry for Harley. As far as female characters go, she’s a, pardon the expression, cash cow. DC isn’t going to kill her off. But they may end up shelving her for a while, depending on how this storyline plays out. Oh. Goddamn. See, this is something that scares me about good writers. I know how stupid that sounds, don’t get ahead of me. Good writers, like Paul Dini, can get you to like a character. Invest yourself emotionally. Maybe even find things in that character that you relate to. Writers like Peter Calloway can get you to worry for a character in a way you normally reserve for a close friend. I’ve been to a lot of comic shops in my life, and even more conventions. And I’ve never been to one where someone didn’t have a piece of Harley Quinn paraphernalia, wasn’t dressed up as a version of Harley. I talk to people. One woman I talked to said she was only dressed as Harley because her boyfriend was dressed as the Joker. One girl said that she’d grown up with Harley in the cartoons. And one woman said that she’d always hated Harley. “But when she finally split up with the Joker for good and for reals,” she said, repainting the places on her face where the white makeup had rubbed off during her time walking around the convention center. “It sort of reminded me of when I got the restraining order against my ex-husband. You try and give them all the love you have, but they don’t want it. All they want to do is take and take and hurt and hurt, until you just ain’t sure what’s you anymore, and what it is they’ve programmed into you.” I don’t have a good memory, but I’ll never forget that conversation, that woman. I hope she doesn’t read this issue. And if she does, I hope she’s somewhere safe.

Honestly, I just want to spend my review of the latest issue of Zatanna gushing about how much I love Dr. Bodie. A shrink that lives between realms and caters exclusively to magicians and magical beings both good and evil?! Leave it to come from the mind of Paul Dini. And that cover…no one draws the ladies like Adam Hughes, no one. He just has this dynamic style that I’ve always thought best reserved for covers and pin-ups, but ironically, he was the person who drew the first comic book I ever read. I hope Oscar Hampnel doesn’t become a recurring character, he freaks me out. Stay canned, you creepy bastard.

Where the fuck is Tim jumplining in from?! Did he just…jump off the roof? What was the point of that, Tim? They’re called stairs, try them. Now now ladies, don’t fight. I swear, Rose and Cassie just need to make out get over their issues and work together already. Right there. That group shot, for just a second, had Bart looking a little like Bart again. Aaand next page we’re back to Wally-lite. The kid never had freckles, and his hair isn’t red. It’s a dark brown. Ooh, the pissy bitchometer is off the charts today. Whoa! Demon! Didn’t see that one coming. No, really, that was kinda off my radar, no sarcasm meant. Good to see J.T. Krul can keep me on my toes still. So, Cassie and her mom are on the demon plane? Is she going to come back into the human world after an hour and a decade has passed? Okay, enough Yu Yu Hakusho fanfic references from me tonight. I’m intrigued. Teen Titans, you pass muster for this month.

Well, that’s the comic review. So sorry about the late, late update, but Florida sort of fails as a state. My internet was down for ages, so I’ve just been reading The Walking Dead trades and playing Spider Solitaire until it came back on. See you next week. Same place, much, much earlier time!

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What I thought to be a red ring kind of day has become so much…bluer.

Oh my god, you guys. Eleven books. And not a single one of them is fail train and- oh. Generation Lost. Ahem. Lemme get my red ring.

Let’s start out with the Legion of Super Villains one-shot. I’m a pretty damn big fan of Lightning Lord and Saturn Queen, so I’m a little disappointed that the third of their trio, Cosmic King, was absent from this book. This issue was all about the most evil of the evil attempting to have their universe descend into chaos by destroying ancient worlds that keep the balance. The Rock of Eternity was the first to go (and whoa, was that a Shazam-hand I spy?! Is Thunder going to be making an appearance?), and Oa will be the last, so what is the world in between? The art was amazing, by the way, and my metaphorical boner for Mekt Ranzz was renewed.

Weird Worlds is fun. The Lobo story featured a couple of murders and a political triple-cross, which is actually pretty typical for Lobo. Not as many explosions as I’m used to, though. The Tanga story was…amusing. Drunk monster fighting, I can get behind that.

Couldn’t get into Batman Inc this month, moving on.

“He’s like a mirror-universe Al Gore!” I love you, Hourman. Oh my god. Wildcat, Tommy you precious flower. “I’m on a boat!” That was the single best entrance ever. I hope Roxy keeps her body, I really do. Citizen Steel needs some lovin’ too. But she claims that being human grosses her out, so, que sera sera. The little epilogue with Tyler and Roxy was sweet, so, she does keep her body?

I guess being in love with your cousin runs in both sides of Kon’s family. Lori Luthor, you have something in common with Silver Age Superman, your uncle would be so proud. Wait a second, ‘Garth’? Kon, Beast Boy’s name is Garfield. I love how they touched on Kon and Bart’s friendship. I mean, everyone knows that Kon is gay for is best friends with Tim, but people are always forgetting his friendship with Bart. Neither of them had a normal childhood, both grew up in artificial enviornments, and both have very big shoes that they’ll eventually need to fill. The boys are bros. And the winner is…Krypto! Aww, puppy for the win. Congratulations, Krypto!

I’m just going to talk about puppet Zatanna. She is, at once, the most awesome, and most terrifying thing. Your soul trapped in a puppet that you have no control over? Aggggh. The art and plots in this book just get better and better, I’m never disappointed.

Excuse me, what are a bunch of Deadpool wannabes doing henching for the Calculator? “Congratulations, you just pissed off Superman.” Oh Helena, I do love you. So, Oracle is dead. Except, Barbara Gordon is not. And tell the truth, Oracle isn’t exactly gone either. For now, Proxy is going to be the go-to girl when it comes to information retrieval, and Oracle is going to…I don’t know. Build a second internet, apparently. Good issue, good arc, but I was a little meh on the art. Also, here’s hoping that Mortis never makes another appearance, because good lord. Speaking of reappearances, hiya Misfit! I hope Gail tells us where she’s been, because I missed that girl.

Just kiss the poor detective, Steph. You know you want to. But enough of that. Frankly, the real star of this issue is the new Gray Ghost, Clancy Johnson. This nutbag is just completely adorable. He calls Steph his ‘beautiful bruise’. You precious, precious flower. Oh yeah, and Proxy is an angry abandoned child with a wild stripe in her hair. I’m getting a Jason vibe, and I don’t know why.

Wait a minute. I thought Aaron Langstrom was a tiny Bat-child? When did he go human? I would give another yell of Morrison ignores all canon but his own, except this entire arc is being written by Peter J. Tomasi.
…is Damian eating a Twinkie? Actually, if Alfred made it, it’s probably an eclaire, but still. This kid…he manages to be a genius one panel, a brat the next, and hilarious two panels after that. “That’s soooo incredibly interesting, I can’t wait to tweet it.” You precious child, I just want to strangle you with my love. You know, like your mom does. Zing! So, this White Knight is after all the relations of Arkham inmates? On one hand, while this will be an interesting situation to explore, you do know that eventually, the Knight will be targeting either Dick Grayson or Bruce Wayne because of their connections to Jason Todd, a current inmate, right? Right?

Oh my god, references to gay prison sex. Boys, never stop writing this book, I beg of you.

I take it back oh god I take it back! I have the worst case of crying. Booster! Baby! GET AWAY FROM THE END OF THE WORLD BEFORE YOU HURT YOURSELF!

Why. Why am I doing this to myself? Jaime was, is, was one of my favorite characters ever. My absolute favorite character introduced in comics following the year 2000. I loved that kid. I don’t want to see him lying on a table, still in his armor (his bug suit. He threw up in his bug suit. He was always good about losing his lunch in the early days.). I don’t want to listen to Booster and Skeets talking about taking him home. I don’t…what’s everyone else doing? Nate and Tora are fighting, Bea and Gavril are…oh. Okay. Get some, girl. Booster, you’re good at speechifying. But then again you’ve been getting in some good practice lately and-
oh my god.
Oh my god.
Cancel the lynch mob and the mourning vigils. Break open all the champagne. All of it. HE LIVES HE FUCKING LIVES GET ME MY BLUE RING JAIME REYES IS ALIVE!
Pfff Gavril and Booster’s faces. Huh, I just noticed how totally full of hunky blondes the JLI is. Well, okay then.

And that was this week in comics. Ahem. I have a date with some corned beef and cabbage, and maybe a celebratory entire bottle of Svedka in Jaime’s honor (not really, dad, I may be legal now, but that stuff stinks. Put down the gun.). Peace out, and I hope to see you here next week.

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