Posts tagged DC comics

Lay down your arms, lay down your lives.

The word of the week is ‘sacrifice’, ladies and gentlemen. It’s more trendy than you think, in superhero comics. But sacrifice can come in many flavors, and not all of them are obvious the first time around.

As always, we’re kicking ladies’ week off with the cutest little lady in comics, Maxine Baker! Okay, her dad’s here, too. His sacrifice was that of blood, blood unwillingly given to Brother Blood, which gave him access to the Red. Meanwhile, Maxine continues her search for her brother’s soul. While I can’t say that I’m losing interest in this book, the inclusion of the media, truly America’s greatest tier of leech, has been rather irksome. I mean, I go out of my way to ignore celebrity junk in real life, I don’t need to be reminded of it in comics.

Self-sacrifice is a Supergirl tradition, it seems, but this time was different. This Supergirl was different. Honestly, the New 52 Supergirl has been…grating, at times. She’s quite hard to like, and I think that was deliberate. To match her family, I suppose. In this issue of Supergirl, Kara (again, unwillingly) makes the ultimate sacrifice, her flesh dissolved, scrubbed clean of the Kryptonite poisoning, and reconstituted into the flesh of the man the Cyborg Superman once was, Zor-El! Heh. I just…I don’t even know who I’m trying to fool, here. Ever since the H’El on Earth stuff, I’ve been so lost. That’s the thing with crossover books, you get so lost so easily if you don’t follow everything, it’s absurd. I’m not going to drop Supergirl again, not just yet. But this issue has officially sparked warning bells, and that’s not a good thing.

There’s self-sacrifice, and then there’s sacrifice of self. Ignoring your own ideals for the greater good is one of the hardest things a person can do, and that’s why I’ll never take heroes like Batman seriously. The sheer amount of self-righteous bullshit that writers have managed to stuff into one character over the years is overwhelming. Diana knows that there are other answers, ways to stop an enemy without ending their life, but sometimes…sometimes killing is all that’s left. The Firstborn still lives, but barely. The God of War is dead, long live the Goddess of War. 

You can never empathize with a person until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes. Kate Kane gets that. That’s why she turned the needle on herself. Dosed herself with Fear Toxin in order to fully understand what she’d put Maggie through. All the heroes I’ve talked about today have sacrificed their bodies in one way or another, but Kate? Kate sacrificed her mind. Well done, girl.

I’d like to issue a formal apology. I’ve not done a whole lot of reviewing, lately. My mind has been other places. My heart hasn’t been in it. Sometimes, I’ve just had nothing worth reviewing. These are, of course, excuses. But here is a promise: so long as I am able, there will be new content every week. Have a good weekend.

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DC: Please stop focusing on Batman

What has two arms, two legs, one head, and no day off this week? This guy! So, uh, good news and bad news. Good news, I got my hands on the latest issue of Saga. Bad news, I don’t actually have anything to review this week. So, in the time-honored tradition, have a rant.

So there’s this guy, Batman. Been around for almost 80 years. Kinda broody, parent issues out the wazoo. Maybe you’ve heard of him. Actually, I’d be surprised if you hadn’t heard of him, at this point.

Batman, for those of you who might be having delusions otherwise, is DC’s biggest character. He’s been the subject of eight animated television shows over the years, over a dozen live-action and animated movies, and in the New 52, his ‘family’ has more ongoing books than any other section, and none of them have been cancelled yet. Batman Incorporated ended, but it was always meant to do that. The Batman section of the New 52 has 12 ongoing books. That leaves 40 ongoing books for the rest of the DC Universe. Not to mention how, in the digital-first comics, we’ve got Li’l Gotham, Batman Beyond Unlimited, Legends of the Dark Knight, Batman ‘66, and Batman: Arkham Unhinged.

As further proof to Batman’s near-total domination of DC, allow me to present the crossover events so far since the reboot started: Night of the Owls, The Culling, Rise of the Third Army, Rotworld, Death of the Family, H’El on Earth, Throne of Atlantis, Wrath of the First Lantern, Batman: Zero Year, Trinity War. That’s one Batman crossover event a year, guys. Not to mention that Zero Year crosses over with non-Batman titles, like Flash and Green Lantern Corps. Why? Who cares! Batman! DC, please. And with the reality of a Batman/Superman movie in the not so distant future looming over us, it’s only bound to get worse.

So I implore you, DC. Take a look around your vast kingdom. Toy with some of your other properties, for once.

“But Batman sells!” You protest. “Kids love Batman! Adults love Batman! Everyone knows Batman!” No. Let me put it this way. 

If you have hamburgers once a week throughout your childhood, you’ll have fond memories of hamburgers. You’ll also like hamburgers a lot, provided you only had them every once in awhile. And then, when you hit adulthood, suddenly, hamburgers are everywhere. There are a million variations on the same hamburger, and in order to feel like you’re getting the best hamburger experience, you decide to try them all. Eventually, it becomes too much. You’re drowning in hamburgers. And the worst part? Most of them are terrible, with wilted lettuce and moldy bread. Every now and then, you find an excellent hamburger, cooked exactly how you like it, with the freshest ingredients. However, when buying that burger, the server informs you that you’ll need to buy a whole bunch of other hamburgers, many of them rotten, in order to properly enjoy the burger you wanted. DC, you are the server. Batman is the hamburger.

I’m getting a little tired of hamburgers. Let’s get a salad, or some tomato soup, or hell, some tacos. You’ve got a big universe, DC. Capitalize on it.

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The Flash: The Movie; is Barry Allen the right choice?

So, good news and bad news. Good news: I totally got comics this week! Bad news: You really don’t want me to review them. I just spent about an hour rolling around on my Animal Man and Sweet Tooth issues, basking in how good Trillium is. Instead, you’re getting another rant. So turn on, tune in, drop out, drop in, switch on, switch off, and explode, folks, because today I plan to talk about the Flash movie.

No, not the one that I just reviewed. The one that was falsely reported at SDCC a few weeks ago. As it turns out, there will be no Flash movie in 2016, though there will be a Flash TV show, probably as soon as 2014. Barry Allen is going to be a recurring character on Arrow starting in the second season, which is set to be hilarious, as Barry and Ollie get along about as well as two cats in a sack, unless Hal is between them playing Switzerland. “In brightest day, in blackest night, I’m going to punch the both of you in the face if you don’t stop this shit right now.” It goes without saying that, should there be a Flash movie, the man in the red suit would most likely be Barry Allen, as he’s the Flash DC has been focusing on for the last few years. But truthfully, I really think they could make a Flash movie with Wally in the lead, through the long-held DC tradition of blending.

In JLU, Wally was a police scientist, his uncle’s career. He lived in Central City, and was the only Flash. He had a museum dedicated to him. And yet…he had an excellent sense of humor, something that hadn’t really been present with the last TV Flash, Barry, in the live action show from 1990. JLU Wally was the comedy relief with a heart of gold. JLU was, in my opinion, the best example of character blending that there could be.

A few years after Flash-Wally first appeared on the small screen, Teen Titans showed us a Kid Flash-Wally…who had the same voice actor as his adult counterpart, leading me to personally believe that Wally got his powers in an accident as a child, and grew up as a superhero. You can base a movie on that, just leave out the lab accident.

Speaking of accidents, the origin where Wally gives himself powers via his uncle’s notes in Young Justice is a good origin, really! But his comics origin was very different, and involved him accidentally getting powers in a freak coincidence where the Flash was showing him how he’d gotten his own powers in Barry Allen’s lab. Wally didn’t learn that his uncle was the Flash until a bit later. Still, in both instances, his powers are gained through his adult mentor, something that would have to be changed for a movie.

It would, of course, mean that you’d be cutting out Barry Allen completely, something that the big hats at DC don’t want to do. Still, in Earth-2, Jay Garrick got his powers from the god Mercury. In the new 52, Barry got his powers from the same old experiment. Wally’s been shown to be a fairly bright kid, maybe he was struck by lightning while carrying home his science fair project and that’s how he got his powers in JLU/Teen Titans. It was never really addressed, I don’t believe.

To the current generation of young adult comic readers, Wally is our guy. We remember him from Justice League and JLU. Teen Titans. The Batman. Hell, he even raced Superman in Superman: The Animated Series. He is, to people between the ages of 18 and 25, the best known Flash. Aka, the demographic that the Flash movie would be hoping to reach, alongside the 8-14 year old demographic that all superhero movies hope to pander to. 

But the people in charge of such a thing are part of the nostalgia generation. Dan DiDio recently stated that DC was making comics aimed at 45-year olds, a pretty stupid business practice. Let me put it this way: cigarette companies used to market their product in a way that would interest kids. Get them smoking young, and they’ll carry that habit into adulthood. Comics are the same way, and just as bad for your heart. DC’s obsession with Barry Allen and subsequent refusal to touch Wally West will hurt them in the same way that letting Scott Lobdell write Starfire hurt them. Comics have an audience of 100-200 thousand, for the best-selling titles. The least-watched episodes of Teen Titans and JLU still drew in over a million viewers. Casual fans look for what they know. Casual fans don’t know Barry Allen. You do the math, DC.

See y’all next week, when we take a look at the wonderful world of Li’l Gotham!

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Faster, speedster! Will! Will!

Welcome back to your regularly scheduled programming. It’s the last week of July, everyone! And more than that, it’s the fifth week of July. Also, I totally didn’t review last week’s comics. So what does that mean? It means you best hold onto your pants, as five comic reviews are coming your way!

Gonna start off with the one that made me the most angry. For the past two weeks or so, the internet has been blowing up because of Morrison’s interviews of him saying that he’s destroyed Batman, that Batman can’t come back from this. I have but one thing to say:
Fuck you.
Because Batman? Batman will always endure. In the long run, more people will pay attention to things like Snyder’s Death of the Family and Court of Owls storylines than they ever did to Batman Inc. Batman Inc was a vehicle. A death vehicle. Over the course of the last 13 issues, we’ve lost Knight and Robin, and now we’ve lost Talia al Ghul. One can argue that we’ve regained Kathy Kane, but bullshit. “Don’t try to find me.” She says. “I don’t exist.” It’s practically a warning for other writers: do not use this character ever again. As for the reaction to Talia’s death in the other Bat-books? Maybe we’ll see something in Red Hood and the Outlaws, those of you who still read it should give me the heads-up if a mention occurs. As for Batman and-, and the main Batman book? Bruce is still reeling from Damian’s death, too broken up over that to really give a shit that his mother died right in front of him. And the main Batman book is waist deep in something called Zero Year. I don’t know, I stopped reading it after Death of the Family.
Ladies and gentlemen, I am not a Batman fan. For a long time, I could have considered myself a Grant Morrison fan and really, I still am. Just…not when he writes Batman. And with the end of Batman Inc, he’s officially done. The endgame has been played. The Morrison era of Batman is over. You can all go about your lives. We’re free.

If you went into the second Animal Man annual thinking you were going to get an awesome fight and not have your heart broken, haha, have I got news for you, buddy! The story itself is half present-tense, half-memory. Buddy, still in mourning for Cliff, goes to a convenience store to buy beer. He sees a gossip rag that poses the question: “Was Animal Man’s son’s death a hoax?” and loses his shit entirely. We are then taken back four years. To the day of Maxine’s birth, actually. Buddy and Cliff are waylaid by Anansa, the Spider Mother, who has been kidnapping people to feed on their dreams. Buddy doesn’t actually have to fight her, as she’s peaceful in nature, and he actually later returns to help her move to an unpopulated area, where she and her children can eat all the animal dreams they want. He finds her again, all these years later, in order to retrieve the dream she’d been given by Cliff, and my heart tapdanced out of my chest, leaving me sitting here.

There’s this little game I like to play with the new Young Avengers series called ‘Loki, no’. In it, I count how many times I tell Loki not to do something in an issue. I think I may have said it twelve times over the course of two pages in the middle, help. Anyway, the Young Avengers are on the hunt for Tommy and his…kidnapper? Vaporizer? The not-Patriot, anyway. So they run through countless dimensions searching, picking up his trail but not finding him. And so, so many of those non-616 dimensions have various members of the team going evil. Though, there is a dimension where no one goes evil! Mother’s home dimension, where they end up finding not-Patriot. Two guesses as to who said oh shit out loud. And then they end up leaving Teddy and David behind accidentally in order to fall into a land where…oh shit. I call this book Journey into Misery 2: Electric Boogaloo for a reason, y’all. Leah, whom Hela banished at the end of Loki’s run on Journey into Mystery, has made a reappearance. I am going to die a painful death. Oh, speaking of dying a painful death, I have this little feeling that Billy is going to turn David inside-out if he ever finds out about…well, see for yourselves:

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Though, I do have a theory. A few pages earlier, David reminded himself that, yes, magic existed. And for those playing the home game, Teddy is currently stressing himself out because he believes, ding ding ding, that his entire relationship with Billy is fueled by Billy’s powers. Perhaps, because he and Billy are dimensions apart, any possible sway Billy’s powers could have held over him are gone. If Teddy pushed David away and protests that it wasn’t right for him to do such a thing, their relationship is real. If not…well, I’ve had my heart broken before by a queer Marvel relationship, when Xavin had to leave Karolina to go with the Majesdanians (and I can’t believe I remembered how to spell that). Broken hearts heal.

So, level with me here, DC. You want us to legitimately ship Barry/Patty, but then you dangle Barry/Iris in front of us. The marriage that stood the test of time 1000 years into the future. The matriarch and patriarch of the Flash family. Good to know your own characters shut you down, though. If even she wasn’t directly meaning to, Iris attempted to stir the paranoia pot in regards to Patty and Barry living together…and Patty was basically, “Nope, it’s all pretty natural. Nothing scary about it.” For observant readers, Iris works on Broome street, named after John Broome, co-creator of the Barry Allen Flash and a prominent part of the Silver Age as a whole.
Then again, there is one definite “Barry, you asshole” moment this issue:

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What a beautiful bit of misdirection, Barry. Ah, but the interactions with the womenfolk are the potatoes of this issue. The real meat lies in the mystery of our big bad, the Reverse Flash. One thing we know for sure: it’s not Dr. Elias. Also, if I may take a moment to gush, the fact that he uses the plates of his Speed Force suit as projectiles is awesome. There’s an application Barry never thought of, tell you what.

And now, for our grand finale before my brain fails on me, the Brave and the Boyfriends. Bold, I meant to say bold. But really, Hal, when you refer to your first team-up as your first date, after you’re pulled from your actual man-date to the planet of the fight clubs, people tend to talk. In any case, the main story in this annual is about the first time Flash and Green Lantern worked a case together…as well as the consequences of that first team-up. Someone is snatching children from group homes, and police scientist Barry Allen is on the case! Of course, he had to choose to be on the case in Coast City, California, home of Green Lantern. There’s a moment of wacky misunderstandings, and then the two must jump into action! Though, Barry can’t just go as himself, he has to do a quick costume-change, first. As it turns out, the children are being kidnapped by space aliens from the planet of fight clubs, in order to be strapped in EVAs and sent to fight in an arena to the death. Hal makes a deal with the team leader that if they stop kidnapping children, their team will be padded with a pair of superheroes. A pity he never mentions that to Barry. It’s a good, solid story, probably my favorite Flash story since Barry came back to life. Sami Basri really kills it on the art, too. All the things that made me hate him on Power Girl have me swooning here. He’s really improved in the last couple of years!
The back-up story is also quite good, about all the little ways the Flash has touched the lives of people in Central City. Some are good, some are bad, but the one the story is based around is terrible. A woman dies before the Flash can save her, and her husband takes it hard. Years later, he attempts to take revenge. Cully Hamner’s art is a little distracting in places, but it doesn’t detract from Nicole Dubuc’s wonderful story in the least.

That was this, and last, week in comics! I’m so tired, I may decide to not wake up tomorrow. Hope to see you again, in August!

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Support your supporting characters!

I’m not going to lie, I was a bad girl this evening. Yesterday, the new DC animated movie Flashpoint Paradox was leaked onto the internet. Today, I finally made up my mind whether or not to watch it early. My thoughts on it, directly following my viewing of it: “Oh my god, I am so going to own this movie when it comes out. I’m going to put it in a deep frame and write on the glass, ‘break in case of joy’.”

The movie itself was…well, it didn’t even ring true to the amazing failure of a story that was the Flashpoint comic, and frankly, my favorite bits were the parts that were added in for the movie. It’s a good waste of 90 minutes, if you’re not a hardcore Flash fan. Because when you are…the clusterfuck of character timeline inconsistencies in the opening twelve minutes was enough to send me into minor fits of rage. Just saying. Anyway, onward to this week’s comics!

You know, I’m going to count it. If Animal Man keeps coming out in the third week of the month, it can still be considered a ladies week comic, as it has been focusing pretty heavily on Maxine in the last couple of issues. Good. Frankly, I like her best. The innocence of a child coupled with the instincts of a hero and the powers of a god? Yes, please. This month we see Animal Girl’s first real failure, as she finds that she is unable to bring her brother back to life with just a body, she needs his spiritual essence as well. Oh, and her dad fights these animal men monsters who work for Brother Blood. That’s also a thing that happens.

I was beginning to feel like the writers on Supergirl were having a bit too much fun playing up the ‘lost girl from another world is confused about everything and blindly trusts those who offer her a way home’ angle, so it’s good to see that she’s learning. “When am I going to learn? Boys offering Krypton are not to be trusted.” H’El used her…something, I wasn’t exactly following that storyline, Cyborg Superman was using her memories. Next time on Supergirl, Lex Luthor, masquerading as his own son with a head full of luscious red hair, offers to build her a time machine in exchange for some of her DNA. Shit, I’d actually read the hell out of that book. It’s not like DC is above reusing stories and themes from 1994 these days, am I right?

A moment of silence, as my very favorite New 52 character has died. Lennox, we hardly knew ye. But moving on, New Genesis, wowza. I’m not as intimately familiar with the New Gods as other people I know, so I don’t really have much to compare to/complain about. That being said, it’d be freaking fabulous if a friendship founded on mutual respect were to form between Diana and Orion, as the one that previously existed between Diana and Clark is clearly not going to happen in this universe.

Hey, guess who’s Kate’s fighting this month? Trick question, this is a Bette issue! Ah, little Bette Kane, finally growing into her own. Not trying to copy her cousin, or her crush, fighting grown men as practice, planning her own extraction ops. Even though I’ve been reading about this character on an off for over a decade, it’s only now that she really feels like someone who could hold her own issue. Hawkfire isn’t the name of a supporting character, so the world better watch out.

Phew. I kind of feel like I last-minute-half-assed that. I hope not. Anyway! Trinity War continues this week, a new Batman and book came out, oh and if you’ve not been reading Batman Beyond Unlimited, you should start. There’s a new Batgirl in town, and she’s going to be taking exactly none of your shit. In other news, it’s just past 3 am and I felt my brain start shutting itself down half an hour ago. Goodnight, everyone. And to those of you reading this from a line at SDCC, get some sleep already!

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And so it begins (Batman Inc #12 spoilers)

Welcome to the first week of July! If you’re reading this, and you live in America like I do, happy Independence day! If you’re outside America, carry on with your non-exploding day. As y’all may be aware, this is yet another five-Wednesday month, which means books are going to be spread a little thin. That being said, due to reasons, Batman Inc did not ship last week, but was available this week instead. The final issue will be shipping two weeks from now, because, once again, of reasons. Incidentally, Batman Inc was the only New 52 book I picked up today. I think you know what this means.

With this issue, we are one from done. Grant Morrison first took on the Dark Knight in his own title in 2006, and the near-decade of hell is almost over. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve enjoyed a great deal of Morrison’s run on the various Batman titles, but His Scottishness has turned cruel in his later years. I’m still not entirely convinced that he didn’t originally create Beryl to eventually become the Knight. So, what happened today? Oh, not much.

Batman just went completely bugfuck insane, pumped an entire army of bats full of the antidote to the Man-Bat serum and sicced them on Talia’s warriors while communicating with them in their own language, then beat the hell out of the Heretic. And while watching the complete and utter meltdown of a man who is supposed to have the finest tuned mind in the DCU is fun and all, my full enjoyment of this issue came at the hands of, surprise surprise, someone who isn’t Batman.

Specifically, someone who might be Kathy Kane.

Let’s look at the facts: Way, waaay back in The Leviathan Strikes, the St. Hadrian’s elite wear costumes similar to the original Batwoman suit, along with skull masks. Those same costumes have turned up again in the last two issues, only now the girls work for the Headmistress of Spyral. Given the amount of time between her ‘death’ and the present, this leads me to believe that Kathy has overtaken her dearly departed father (whose corpse was seen in the other story in The Leviathan Strikes), Agent 0, as the head of Spyral. Spyral is not working for, or with, Leviathan, as they’ve gone from being a spy agency to part of the international intelligence community. Plus, look at how Dick reacts to the shadowy figure he, for some reason, cannot seem to be able to see with his lenses down:

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No, that’s totally Kathy Kane.

And to the people who don’t remember, yes, the Heretic totally killed the Knight a couple of issues back. Snapped his neck like he wasn’t in over a hundred pounds of armor. It was really tragic, and I was seriously mad for…actually, I’m still seriously mad. That Knight and Squire mini was one of the best things to come out that year. I own the single issues and the trade paperback. But he was killed by…by a big baby head.

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Full-grown body, Damian’s little face. Not the creepiest thing Morrison’s ever done (that goes to the WE3 pets, or Professor Pyg), but it’s in the top five. Still, who cares if it’s an irredeemable sociopath with his son’s face (I feel like I’ve stolen that line from somewhere…), justice still needs to be served! Or not.

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You know, it’s funny. Just like he’s constantly refusing to kill the Joker, even though it would make life better for everyone in Gotham, Batman refused to kill the Heretic. For a man fighting a war on crime, whose sole motivation in confronting Leviathan from the moment Damian dies? Bruce is seriously bad at revenge. I know he thinks it puts him on a higher moral ground than others, but really, he just looks like an asshole. Maybe it’s because I’m from a region where “He needed killing.” is a pretty justifiable defense when talking about a murderous scumbag, but really. He should have just let Beryl off the kid. Better than what would end up happening to him a page or so later.

(hint: it involves Talia and him not having a head anymore)

The issue ends with the destruction of Wayne Tower, as well as, presumably, many other areas in Gotham. Oh, and one of the coolest damn cliffhanger pages ever:

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Talia, as it has been seen, is actually quite a formidable opponent. Add in the emotional ties between her and Bruce, and this is set to be one hell of a fight.

Well! I’m pumped! Yeah! Fight to the death, yeah! That’ll end well.

In any case, that’s my week in comics. The last issue of Fionna and Cake came out today (y’all may want to pick that up, it’s pretty cute), as well, just putting that out there. 

This Sunday I’ll be at Florida Supercon in Miami, looking through backissue bins and rubbing elbows with whoever decided to stay all four days! Tickets will be available at the show for $30 and up. The con itself starts tomorrow. See you there, SoFla comic fans!

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It takes a New God to hold off an Old One. Wait, no, wrong mythos.

Welcome, dear friends, to the first actual goddamn post I’ve done all month. I’m sorry, I really am. I’ve been so lazy, and it’s mainly because I’ve been generally disappointed with the cape comics scene. I’ve spent a lot of time and a bit more money than I really should have catching up on comics like Chew and Sweet Tooth, re-immersing myself in the closed-off worlds of done in one graphic novels, and just reading books again. DC has made me so frustrated with their lack of good superhero stories, that I’ve gone and sought outside sources. Heaven help me, I’m even reading a couple of X-titles again.
But today is a good day.
I’m always pleased to have my ladies week, and another favorite book is even on the roster, today!

It seems like DC doesn’t know what to do with Animal Man these days. It’s almost like…they don’t want the book to succeed. Between moving the release date of the issue from the first week of the month to the third and the fact that they’re in the habit of not soliciting the title on their website until the week of release. Seriously. It’s quite frustrating. Then there’s the stuff that’s actually happening within the title itself. Cliff dying, Ellen taking Maxine and leaving, the Red ejecting Buddy while allowing him to keep his powers, Maxine stepping into the role of Animal Girl…it’s been a busy few months since the end of Rotworld. And it’s not looking to slow down anytime soon! This issue has Buddy suiting up again to look for the abducted pets of local residents, with disturbing results. Meanwhile, Maxine agrees to begin her training within the Red, so long as she’s allowed to look for her brother’s essence as she works. But the most interesting thing, to me at least, is the random insertions of the points of view of regular citizens via DC’s version of Twitter. Hardcore Animal Man fans, media gossips, haters, and normal folks posting their #animalman sightings, all chiming in on the current events in our hero’s life. Not since the early days of Booster Gold and the New Teen Titans have we seen the media be so omnipresent in the life of a superhero. Could random paparazzi attacks be more hazardous than fighting actual supervillains? Only time will tell.

It’s a little disheartening to see just how easily tricked Kara is. I mean, I understand why she’s so easy to fool, but it’s still upsetting. She’s a girl alone, adrift in a universe full of strangers, her only relation a baby cousin that’s outgrown her and treats her like a child. She’s fresh-off-the-boat in the most cosmic sense, and until recently, she wasn’t even able to speak the common tongue of her newly chosen homeland. So yeah, anyone who offers to give her back even the tiniest piece of Krypton is going to be accepted with open arms. Wide open, incredibly naive arms. This time around, it’s a robotic planet called I’noxia. When given the right amount of information, this planet and its inhabitants can become any planet and people they choose. And to a girl dying of Kryptonite poisoning, the idea of spending her final days among her people must seem pretty sweet…even if the planet itself is controlled by a robotic version of her cousin. A Cyborg Superman, if you will. Also in this issue is the always-interesting Siobhan, whose main nemesis these days seems to be a rogue toilet clogged by a rude neighbor. You give him hell, honey. As always, Supergirl makes for an enjoyable read, and now is as good a time as any to jump on, what with this being the first issue of a new story.

You know you’ve got a good comic when it can make you laugh out loud one moment, piss you right the hell off the next, and end on a note that about makes you pee with excitement. Oh, hello Wonder Woman. Were your ears burning? So, right then. We’ve got a godly dog pile on our hands, and the bottom pup is named Firstborn. Woof. Diana, Lennox, and even Orion can’t put a dent in this guy. Then again, he’s a god. He’s the firstborn child of Zeus and Hera, the rightful heir to the throne of heaven. And he wants to destroy the world. Worse, he has the power to actually do it…so long as he’s got his bouncing baby prophecy-fulfilling brother on his side. Gonna be honest, I’m glad the months and months of barely-there plot concerning this guy finally came to a head and kicked off an actual storyline. And now to the bad news. A moment of silence, friends, for my favorite New 52 character, Lennox. It’s highly unlikely that he’s dead, but on the off chance that tumbling through a Boom Tube to kick the Firstborn right in his grizzled and scarred (yet somehow still conventionally attractive) mug didn’t off him, well, I don’t foresee him spending much longer among the living. Not if Cassandra, yet another sibling with a revengerection pointed directly at him, has anything to say about it. Oh! Actually! Speaking of! Blonde woman, with the metal throat? That’s Cassandra. He actually raised her from the time she was young, after she accidentally killed her mother. He was the one that ripped her throat out, after it became apparent that she wasn’t the type of person who should have the power to command obedience from anyone who hears her voice. So, he raised her, and then he abandoned her, this blonde woman named Cassandra. HM, I DO WONDER. Oh right, and then the Wonder crew ends up on New Genesis. I’ll give you three guesses on who I hope to see next issue, and the first two don’t count.

(it’s Big Barda and Mister Miracle, that’s who I want to see)

You know, it usually annoys me when a title sets up a big cliffhanger on which they plan to begin a new storyline…and then takes a break for an issue to focus on something else entirely. But not today, and not with Batwoman. Why? Because how often do we really get stories focusing on Killer Croc where he doesn’t come out of it looking like a punch line? This issue…I’m reminded of the Killer Croc issue from the second Joker’s Asylum mini. In both, his motivation for action is the love of a woman. In both, he comes off as human, rather than the monster he’s usually shown to be. Underneath the skin condition, Waylon Jones is still a human being, though since his brush with Medusa, he’s so much more. With Abbot dead, Waylon is chosen to be the next leader of the Church of Crime’s animal men, so long as he avenges their fallen by killing Batwoman. He doesn’t succeed, of course, but still manages to get away and assert his dominance as their new leader, anyway. His first act? Get the hell out of dodge and settle down someplace that will be safe for all of the remaining animal men. Good job, Waylon. That’s sure using your noodle.

And that’s this week in comics! Also out this week is Vibe, which I managed to miss yet again because I’m too fucking nice and gave the last copy, that I was literally holding in my hand, to an older gentleman who only gets out to the shops every few months. Sigh. Also of note, the latest issue of Green Lantern: New Guardians is out, and with it comes an Indigo ring, for those planning on collecting the new ring line. It’s fairly late now, and the rain is making me sleepy. I’ll see y’all back here next week for Flash, Young Avengers, and Batman Inc!

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