Posts tagged Adventure Comics

A moment of silence for the fallen: Adventure Comics and Secret Six say goodnight.

Well, we’re at the beginning of the end here, folks. This is the fist week of the last month of DC’s history. Starting in September, everything will change. We’ve got seven books this week, two of which are final issues. Shall we begin?

As always, Flashpoint and its minis will be reviewed as one.
Oh, Flashpoint, you fantastic pile of shit. We get a more in-depth look at ‘Captain Thunder’ and his hosts in the next to last issue of Flashpoint. Oh, and apparently Barry Allen in this world is comparable to Layla Miller in House of M. Seriously, when Billy touched him, he regained some of his old memories. Huh. Whatever you say, Geoff Johns. Well, I guess all I can say is that I understand why there isn’t going to be a Shazam in the new DCU. RIP, Billy Batson, you were fucked over royally. The last few pages of this issue are just fighting, fighting, exposition, and oh look! It’s Eobard Thawne! About damn time he showed up. I give this issue a 2 of 5. Could have been better, but frankly, the only really interesting things in this issue were the sketch pages in the back.

Okay, what?! First he goes from being all “Durr, I don’t know anything about this chick who saved my ass, not even how old she is derr” while watching her shower, then there are makeouts between Deathstroke and Jenny Blitz? Comic, I’m turning the page now. This better be gone when I turn the page. Ugh, thankyou. What is it with Slade and his fucked up pedo thing for teenage girls? What the hell, DC? His things with Terra, Batgirl, and his own damn daughter were implied at best, so you decided to beat the questions and just announce that they’re banging during this scene change? Thanks for that. Someone get my brain bleach. Anyway, after a few pages of exposition and fight scenes, Rose is saved and Deathstroke apparently has a harem of ladies now. And thus was the tale of Deathstroke the pirate. Yarr.

World of Flashpoint had a bit of a disappointing ending. I mean, it was interesting, but it wasn’t really all that great. Traci’s father has been using dark magic, she teleports herself into the middle of a battlefield, they reconcile, she gets hit by a killing blow but the Earth itself heals her, then her dad stops the satellite he himself built and Traci loses all her magic? The simple fact that I could describe the whole issue in a sentence is just a tribute to how…dull this issue was. Sorry, Traci 13, but you were very boring this month.
We now return you to your scheduled programming.

Gates of Gotham got weird this month. So, one of the original architects of Gotham City built a steamgear suit in order to become Gotham’s first supervillian and get revenge on the city’s royalty? Okay, if you say so. At least Cass gets a few good lines this issue.

And so ends Adventure Comics, not with a whimper, but with a NOOOO face. Seriously, this issue had an overabundance of noooooo moments. At least five. Like World of Flashpoint, it wasn’t a bad issue, it just had the capacity to be better. It was a series of fight pages followed by two deaths and a character quitting the Legion Academy to follow his…boyfriend? This is how little I remember of the last issue, I can’t recall who this Jedidiah Tel is talking about is supposed to be. The Legion Academy issues of Adventure Comics mostly went over my head, as they were a concept of something that wasn’t in the Legion I grew up reading, which was the first Reboot. I’ve only managed to find Legion issues that predate the Giffen series recently and while I’ve enjoyed those, I’ve also found them sort of silly, and out of date, which is sort of the point. Anyway, what I’m trying, and failing, to convey is this: I will not miss Adventure Comics as much as I’ll miss other parts of this DCU. Sorry.

Okay, 18 pages of exposition, 9 pages of ads, and 2 pages of Kon actually being in the panels. And it ends on a cliffhanger. Is there going to be a second issue of Superboy this month that no one told me about?

Ow. No, seriously. Ow. You just hit me right in the emotions, Gail. And it hurt like hell. This is the last issue of Secret Six, the comic that, for the last three years, has been my self-confessed favorite current book. They’ve gone to hell and back together, fallen in love, beaten the shit out of each other, but most of all, they’ve been a family. A fucked up, mildly incestuous family. And this last book had it all. Bane getting laid. Catman and Deadshot admitting that they’re bros. Scandal getting married- to both Kay and Liana. Jeanette being generally awesome. And then you let Lawton aim for my heart. Fully surrounded by heroes. No way out. Huntress letting herself be taken hostage to try and dissuade them. Bane offering his team, his family, a chance to go down fighting. And they took the venom. And, and they went down fighting. God, I can’t emotions right now, guys. I can’t. Kay reaching for Scandal’s hand as she died, calling her ‘wife’…I just can’t. I loved this book, this team. Not counting the two six-issue minis that started it all, and the few appearances in the first Birds of Prey series, the Secret Six had 36 issues of pure awesome, topped with love, war, and ultimately, death. It’s a book I’ll miss like crazy. Well done Gail. Well done, everyone.

That was this week in comics, I think I’ve earned a little mourning period. So until next week, this is Touch of Grey, signing off. Peace be with you.

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It’s a good week to be a Jason Todd fan

Seven books this week, guys and dolls! And since I’ve cut a great deal of Flashpoint out of my life, only two minis and the main aside from my regular lineup. Oh, and something about the finale of the Red Hood arc in Batman and Robin..? Let’s begin.

As always, Flashpoint is going to be one big review.
In the main book, oh, what a surprise. Barry’s alive. Yaaay. Oh, yeah, and Victor, despite being the #1 heroic figure in the country, is no longer sanctioned to actually try to save the world. Whaaat the fuck. Back on the Flash side of things, Barry manages to convince Thomas to get him back up to the roof and, of course, the second lightning bolt manages to restore his speed. And then he…sews a new costume. Oh look, we’re getting into a round of Comic Book Science! Blah blah blah Speed Force, blah blah NegaForce (Sailor Zoom?). Now we’re back to Barry talking about the old Earth, being a shipper, looking for Superman yatata yatata…I swear, I am so bored reading this book. So Barry and Thomas have enlisted Cyborg to break into…Cadmus? Maybe. And- wait. What.
Is, is that the skeleton of Krypto?! What the fuck, Flashpoint?!
I have a prediction. They’re letting ‘Subject 1’ out into daylight for the first time. He wasn’t raised by the Kents. He wasn’t raised by anyone. I, I don’t think Superman is going to be a good guy.
Orrr he could turn bitch and run. Superman, everybody!
In the second issue of the Abin Sur mini, we start with a flashback from Sinestro’s training days, and how he met Abin Sur’s sister. Huh, this training sequence looks familiar. Didn’t we just see it in Thaal’s fist spar against Hal in the Green Lantern movie? I see what you did there, comic. Oh, I love how the U.S. government is always villainized as controlling of the things they don’t understand. Mainly because, well, it’s true. But yes. And now Abin works for the government! Man, Sinestro is forever the bad guy, isn’t he? Is that how this works? Sinestro = power hungry bad guy, no matter the universe? Because frankly, that sucks.
It’s teleport time in World of Flashpoint! After Madame Xanadu dies (?!) in Traci’s arms, she is sent off to find people to make a team. First up is the corpse of T.O. Morrow, next is Natasha Irons, who seems to have an arm made of (I assume) Steel, who is fighting Nazis in Brazil. Way to stereotype, comic! Then she finds Gar Logan, almost completely animalistic (who remembers Future Gar from Teen Titans? Rex Ogle does!), but she leaves him to protect Africa, to a degree. Well, at least we know that Guy Gardner is still okay. He’s in Australia, running a bar, and that’s where Traci goes next. I’m sensing a trend here. If the end moral is that Traci has to fight her battles alone, I’m going to be both torqued and pleased. It’s always nice to have an empowering female character, but teasing readers with the chance for a Natasha-Gar-Traci-Guy team is just cruel.
OH MY GOD JASON TODD IS A PRIEST.
I am expecting so much fanfic to come out of this. Please. Please. I love that this is a thing now, can you tell? Oh and by the way, I was right. I also love it when I’m right.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled comics.

In Adventure Comics, boobies! No, seriously. Lydda, you have an owl on your chest, why did you need a boob window? Because the leftover pieces of owl look like nipples. Bad fashion choices in the 31st century! I know most of this issue seems to be of the Academy students bitching about not getting into the Legion, but I can’t stop laughing at Lydda. Apparently, her boob window costume was ceremonial or something, because in her battle costume, while the window is still sort of there, the owl’s eye holes are also windows! Oh god, look at your choices, Lydda.

Okay, so I was wrong. The city under the Earth isn’t Limbo Town, but the even more ridiculously named town of Hollowville. Which is full of zombies. Okay. And once again, I was right about something. This is starting to get sad. Stop being so predictable, comics. But yes, Psionic Lad was sent back in time to kill Simon, who will apparently go evil some time in the future. And then the comic takes a turn for the weird when Parasite attacks Psionic Lad…somehow, the sorcerer from when Smallville was founded attacks Superboy, and the Phantom Stranger has been captive down below for a while, which means the guy with Superboy is…someone else? Comic, make a little sense, please? Please?

The Secret Six is up to eight members now, and I think they’re miserable. Don’t get me wrong, I’m entertained, but the characters themselves…after being released from hell, Knockout is a broken Fury. She doesn’t want anything, even her former beloved. Bane is itching to fight, as is Catman, but they don’t want to settle for each other. Ragdoll is…oddly quiet. Scandal worries for her love. Jeanette and Deadshot bang. A lot. And King Shark, well, he’s a shark. Seriously, between his introduction into the series and this issue, King Shark seems to have undergone a lobotomy. But onto the focus of the issue. Bane wants to break the Bat by breaking his children (shippers please note, Thomas called a hands-off on Huntress). They’re recruiting his villains against him. And you know what? I’m looking forward to the outcome.

Batman and Robin #25 is everything I want in life. No, I mean it. It’s drawn well, written well (Winiiiiick?), Jason is both bantery and naked in the span of only a few pages, and it ends with, well, a bittersweet happy ending. This was a great end to a good arc. Winick, I consider this your apology for Generation Lost.

And that was this week in comics! If you’re not yet following me on Tumblr, my screenname is touchofgrey37. Spamming your dash daily with Jason Todd and fandom things. Wait, that was me giving y’all a good reason not to follow me. Anyway, my laptop is about to crap out, so I think I’ll have to end this. See y’all next week!

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And so we enter the first week of the Flashpointpocalypse…

It’s a ridiculously Flashpoint-filled week. No, really. Four mini-series’ begin, plus the second issue of the main series is on the chopping block today. As for any major crossover event with multiple tie-ins, I enter skeptical and let the books impress me as I read. Do they deserve praise? Only time will tell.

The first mini, Batman: Knight of Vengeance, is kind of a dud. Thomas Wayne runs a casino, and apparently has the Penguin working for him. Oh, and he hates James Gordon, except the commish seems to know he’s Batman. I’m confused. This seems to be a world where Batman kills commonly (Ivy, Hush, Scarecrow, and now Killer Croc are shown to be dead), while carrying the guilt of his dead family around like a weight. So, dad is almost exactly like sonny boy, except for the whole ‘killing’ thing. I see. Whelp, the crazy tree grows strong in the Wayne family. Next!

Secret Seven is an arcana book featuring Shade the Changing Man and Enchantress. Uh, pass.

Sinestro, why do you have a crotch arrow? Whose idea was that in the costume design? Because it wasn’t the best idea. I can’t take you seriously now. Then again, the more things change…it seems Thaal and Abin Sur’s sister Arin were once an item in this universe, too. Perhaps that means Soranik Natu exists? That would be cool. Okay, so, different Corps exist in this world? I mean, the Black Lanterns obviously exist, the White Entity exists, Atrocitus is wearing a uniform of the Red Corps, Abin Sur’s ship was hit by some form of violet energy…but there’s no sign of the Blue or Indigo yet, and since Sinestro is still a Green…okay, this title intrigues me. I’ll pick it up.

So I was a little skeptical about the World of Flashpoint book- until I saw who it was going to be about. A book featuring Traci 13? Yes and more yes! I loved this book. Honestly loved it. It gave a more in-depth look to the way the world works in this new pecking order, and I couldn’t be more thrilled about that. And then there’s my girl herself. Traci 13 has been a character I’ve adored since she ran around with an iguana calling herself Girl 13 in Action Comics. My love for her strengthened through the Blue Beetle series, and her involvement in the Coven second feature in Teen Titans only confirmed my adoration. She’s an incredible character, this was an interesting first issue, and I’m going to shut up now before my gushing gets annoying. Actually, wait. So, Adeline Kane is alive in this world?! And Slade is too…what about Grant, Joey, and Rose? Where are they? Now I’m done.

Annd Slade is a pirate. Well, this is getting off to a classy start. So this issue is about Barry trying to convince Batman that the world they live in is wrong, which he does, and then try to get his speed back…which he does not. Sorry, but I’m not seeing anything good about this book so far, though the design sketches by Andy Kubert were pretty cool.

Weird Worlds is a prelude to a new ongoing. Fantastic.

I’m not too big a person to admit that the Static Shock Special made me cry. I watched every episode of the Static Shock cartoon, and I have a good chunk of the Static comics, as well as the trade of Rebirth of the Cool. He was an intelligent character that kept me interested in his book and made me laugh, what more could I ask for, right? I have very little right to talk about how Dwayne McDuffie influenced me as a writer, even though he did, because at the time of his death, I refused to accept that he was gone. He was an amazing writer, and an amazing person, not afraid to push boundaries or compromise his integrity. He created amazing things, both characters and team lineups, and crafted stories that made you give a damn. He was an amazing man, is an amazing man, and he will be missed.

Grava annoys me. I usually like the Academy stories, to a degree, but Comet Queen is just…irritating. Ah well, I think next month we’re going to learn more about Glorinth, so that’s nice.

Okay, is it just me, or did Kon and Simon stumble into Limbo Town? Because the zombie farm workers (Grundymen), the witchcraft-based society (Sheeda)…c’mon now. I know I’m just a simple girl from the Blue Rafters, but even I can make a damn connection.

Secret Six is one of those titles that I can’t not like. The hell storyline was disturbing, yes, but it was still quality. And now the aftermath. Liana is safe and Knockout is out of hell, so whom will Scandal choose? Or is this going to turn into an amazing threesome the likes of which DC has never seen? And then there’s Bane’s new girlfriend. Wherever they live has some amazing strippers, if they’re just willing to accept that their mates of choice fucking kill people every now and then.

That was this week in comics, and I actually enjoyed quite a bit of it. Not all of it, no, not with so much Flashpoint invading my senses, but maybe half of it. I’ll see y’all next week.

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May the 4th be with you, always.

A frightfully small week, sadly. Five books, and not a stinker amongst them…I hope. Shall we?

Lobo, why do you look so surprised that S’Glayne’s father shot him? Or is that a look of horror..? You are the Main Man, grow a pair and just shoot him! Garbageman, I skip over. As always. As for the Tanga story…hey, remember Za? He’s a creeper. And he has his own alien harem. Run Tanga! Run away!

If I can take anything away from this issue of JSA: All-Stars, it’ll be the imae of King Chimera glaring at over-talkative nerds on the bus. The short saga of the Prince comes to a close not with a whimper, but with a bang. And holy shit, what a bang. He took out most of upstate New York! I really love the character of Roxy. She’s just so…awesome.

And so comes the end of the Legion Academy story. Grave-defiling, theft, jackassery…yeah, this crop of recruits is going to be just fab. Can you smell that sarcasm? As for the Jenni story…well, the less said about that the better. She’s not a member of the Legion, she’s refusing to join their Academy, and she’s tracing the roots of her family back to ancient times. And the entire thing was wrapped up in eight pages. I am so goddamn angry right now, y’all have no idea.

So, Superboy is evil again? I’m just looking at the cover and…red eyes, burning Kent farm, heavy eyeliner…kind of screams evil to me, folks. Hmm. Evil Superboy, every superhuman dead, Luthor brainwashing? No. Oh, I see now. Black Mercy plants! Oh, plot devices from the 80s, how I adore thee. But this art…ugh, so not my thing.

Okay, I’m going to take a minute to make a comparison. Lately, the Secret Six book has reminded me of The Walking Dead. No, I’m not saying they both have zombies, don’t be ridiculous. They both showcase all the ugliness of humanity, yes, but they both also follow a very specific pattern. Just when you think everything is going to be alright, WHUMP, an whole pile of shit falls on the main characters. This issue, after fighting the hordes of hell to win back her lover, Knockout, we finally hear someone address the issue of the fact that Scandal’s other girlfriend has been fucking kidnapped and put through the straight camp of doom. How has it taken this long? I mean, Scandal isn’t heartless, she really cares for this other chick. But…Knockout is supposedly her true love. Can she really choose one life over another? But at the same time, she should ask herself this question: would she fight all of hell to save Liana? Frankly, I doubt it. She blows off hot lesbian sex with a six foot tall redheaded stripper (which seems to be her type) in order to go to hell and drag back her ex. Sorry Liana, but I think you’ve been dumped.

And that was this week in comics. Don’t forget, Saturday May 7th is Free Comic Book Day at comic shops around the nation! As for today, well, May the 4th be with you! I’ll catch y’all later, dinner beckons.

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Da na na na na na na na Batfamily!

Ten books! Ten! Obviously, it’s the second week of the month. And not a visible stinker in the lot! Shall we begin?

Okay, if Dragonwing shuts her trap and Glorinth continues being the main focus of the Legion Academy youngsters, I will gladly follow. But poor Power Boy and Lamprey. I mean, I was sort of following their storyline with half a mind (two recruits that have gone far too long without graduating), but their extra years of schooling to be wasted on prison guarding…poor kids. According to the Mysa second feature, next month is going to focus on XS! Jenni returns to Legion, hooray! Ooh, and so do her artists. I am pleased as pie, personally.

So, what the heck is White Knight drowning the Arkham inmates with? Glowing milk? Irradiated semen? What the hell? Backtracking a bit, I swear, I couldn’t stop whimpering ‘BABIES BABIES BABIES’ while reading the Dick and Damian exchange earlier on in the book. It’s as if the Tumblr fandom has been writing all the character growth. Damian is the undeniable star of this book, especially during his fight with Zsasz, and what happens afterwards.

CONFUSION AHOY! This issue starts off with Tim and Kon being boyfriends, and ends with Superboy lying in a ditch after getting the shit beat out of him by Doomsday. What just happened? Well, it may help that this is apparently the fifth part of the Reign of Doomsday storyline. So, I’m not supposed to get it? Okay, let’s go with that.

Red Robin was about faith and God this month. You have one month to redeem yourself, Fabian Nicieza, then this becomes a read-in-store title.

So, wait. Hot Pursuit is an alternate universe Barry Allen that steals speed and time from people in order to power his cosmic motorcycle, and Barry is weirded out by Bart’s existence?
Well, at least the art is pretty.
Also, welcome back, brunette Bart! I’ve missed you so!

So the saga of Booster’s time herpes- okay okay, ‘chronal leprosy’, comes to an end. In the 31st century! Frankly, any time Chris Batista feels like drawing Brainiac 5, I say let him do it. I’ve really grown to adore this art, so, you know.

Have I mentioned that I love Batgirl lately? Because I really love Batgirl. Ramon Bachs can draw this series forever, and I won’t complain at all. Batman Inc really seems to be working well for Batgirl, she’s got her own Cave, her own mini-Oracle, and a purple car! A purple car, you guys! For a chick that started out in a home-swen costume, Steph is really doing well for herself.

When one of my favorite characters from my favorite title makes an appearance in my other favorite title, and they’re both written by my favorite writer, well, this means we’re in for a good issue of Birds of Prey. “What the hell is going on here, Blake?!” Well, obviously makeouts are going on here, Helena. Geez, get with the program. Is it bad that I could ship this? I really have no problem shipping this. Thomas Blake and Helena Bertinelli, the ab-tastic sexypair of the DCU! Aw, too bad the ship has been sunk. Sorta. Help me, fandom!

Pff. Lobo/Smite, brOTP. Man, Tony, why are you bombarding us with excellent space ‘ships when R.E.B.E.L.S. is over as of next month?! How twisted are you? Twisted enough to put Lobo and Smite in a bar, apparently. This can only end in an epic drinking contest, I wager. Ooh Mr. Lyrl ooh. I love all Dox family members forever, thank you. Yup, I was right! Man, if Smite lives through the end of the series, I hope he and Lobo keep in touch. The Main Man needs a pal as badass as he his.

Can I just say one thing? Judd Winick cannot possibly be writing Skeets’ dialogue. It’s far too Giffen-y to have come from him. In this issue of Generation Lost…OMACs! Lots and lots of OMACs! And then an Amazo-like OMAC called OMAC Prime! I am so sick of saying OMAC you have no idea. This was actually a pretty good issue, tell the truth. And it only took 23 issues for me to stop raging at this comic long enough to enjoy it.

Well, that was this week in comics. I have a severe craving for pork fried rice, and also cramps. Get me my red ring! I’m off to destroy the world! But before I do…

This Saturday and Sunday are going to be ridiculous! The annual spring Tate’s Comics tent sale is going on, as well as Florida Supercomics’ first Comic Stock! Incredible deals, both stores are doing a ‘fill a longbox for $35’ type thing, just fun for all ages. Tate’s will be having the FotoRobot again, while FSC is going to have karaoke and a costume contest. I’ll be at both sales Saturday, so keep an eye out!

Catch you folks later, same place as always. Peace out!

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Teddy/Billy shippers, hold onto your shit

Somehow, I managed to wrangle myself ten books, and not all are from DC! One of these is a total surprise to me, mainly because I had no clue that a new Young Avengers mini was running, let alone it having a spinoff one-shot. I’m excited, but also sad. Because Knight and Squire ends today. Ah, well, let’s get to it, shall we?

As always, we start off with Fail Train. I just can’t get into Firestorm storylines. I have no attachment, no affection for the character. Except, apparently the White Lantern is very pleasant to them. Wait, what? What just happened? Heroic sacrifice from..? Okay, the White Lantern? Is a dick. Whatever happened to J’onn?! Is that storyline just…over? I demand the end of that story! No one cares about Firestorm!

The Flash in Superman is Barry, not Wally. Either way, pie is had. Moving on.

So Shrike is really…? Oh man, oh man. This was supposed to be a funny title, what happened here? Do they really have a naked hero called Birthday Girl? I mean, seriously? England, I love you. Never change. Oh my god. Squire, you’re amazing. Brilliant. Remember the truce magic at the pub from issue #1? Well, not even American villains are immune, it seems. You were a hoot and a half, Knight and Squire, I can only hope you’re given another mini, or better yet, an ongoing, soon as possible.

Ever read a comic that just causes you to sigh and shake your head? I haven’t seen any of the new Young Justice show since the third episode, and I’m okay with that. I don’t watch a lot of TV. But this comic is just…confusing to me. The entire other issue, both of them, really, was just a dreamlike state brought on by a G-Gnome that has a crush on Superboy? Well, okay. We’ll go with that. I think I’m going to try and catch up on the show before the next issue, just to be sure.

Adventure Comics as a Legion Academy book…I wasn’t sure how I felt about that before, but I guess I can roll with it well enough. This Hadru kid, I jut want to smack. Glorinth is about as naive as Teen Titans Go Starfire, with about as much power to make her dangerous. And Dragonwing…her look is seriously the only thing about her that I like. The rest of this particular arc seems like it’s going to revolve around Hadru and his genemod, and saving his family from baddies. Eh, I can keep reading, see what happens. Not particularly enthused, though.

Okay, so, this is a story set after Generation Lost? You couldn’t do a couple of stand-alone issues first, Judd? Because some of the dialogue and all of the events are kind of a gigantic spoiler alert. Though Superman initiating a conversation about Kara’s breasts is kind of funny, so you’ve got points for that. The pseudo-sexual dialogue between Kara and Nicco, however, made me squirm uncomfortably. Like, really uncomfortably. A man and a woman can interact without being realted and be friends, Judd. This has happened in the past, you know.

I’m going to be perfectly honest here. Marcus To, your art is ridiculously pretty. Anyway, to the story. This is the conclusion of that Uternet thing and in it, Tim fights the Madmen. Remember them? Psychos that fought Blue Beetle back in the day? Anyway, in the last Crisis, Darkseid got ahold of them and made them into living servers for the Uternet. And apparently, he also made them really…yeah. By the way, the cover with a bunch of men and two women throwing themselves at Tim has nothing to do with the story. It just exists to make people raise eyebrows. Ooh, but what’s this? The Uternet has been shut down…or has it? Lonnie can’t really exist in the real world, but in the Uternet, the coma patient is king.

If Marcus To’s art is too pretty, then Claude St. Aubin’s art is too sexy. I mean, he draws the absolute hottest Lobo to ever roam the hallowed halls of DC. Tony Tony Tony, why’d you have to go and change Lobo’s origin like that? Czarnians were supposed to be peaceful people, and the trait that made Lobo so different was how he was prone to violence. Ah, well. The fact that they all dressed like KISS rejects kinda makes up for the re-origining. Kinda. Man, I just had a thought that gave me chills. In this new origin, all Czarnians can regrow themselves from a single drop of blood. So…what happens when a female Czarnian goes through menstruation? Yoof. And with that thought, I’ll move along.

My first thought upon seeing the team shot in the Young Avengers Children’s Crusade one-shot: Where’s Billy? And Kate and…Tommy? Oh, the shippers are gonna shit. Anyone else pissed that we got to see Billy give Nate mouth-to-mouth before we get to see him kiss Teddy? That’s just kinda messed up. To me. This is a comic that I literally spent half the time leaning back away from the page I was reading. I’ve freaked over YA comics before, but goddamn. Now I need to find backissues of the Children’s Crusade issues before next month. I need to know what happens to my babies.

Twilight Guardian is a consistantly good book. I’m sad that it’s a mini, and that it’s an issue from over. This time around, the Guardian is going over comic samples of a comic based on her, that a publisher has been sending her. Frankly, each is more terrible than the last. Obviously, they’re trying to parody the Big Two’s take on comics, and I find that pretty amusing.

That’s this week. I’m as amazed by the early post as you guys are, honest. But I’m going to be hanging with a friend tonight, so I wanted to post before he got to me. Catch you next week!

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-insert expletive here- YOU JUDD WINICK

Ten books. Ten. Holy shit. And Fail Train isn’t on the lineup. In fact, I’m not expecting any of these to suck. Holy Moley.

Knight and Squire is always good for a chuckle, so- oh my god! Since it’s hard to emote without vocal inflection, that was an indignant yell. This is supposed to be a funny action title, what the hell is the Joker doing in England? Ohh, I’m not pleased.

Okay, lemme be the first to say that I’m a fan of Chemical Kid’s glowing green glasses. Actually, I like the designs of everyone in the new Legion Academy. That doesn’t mean I like their personalities, though. Glorinth seems okay, but Hadru is a ridiculous brat. Dragonwing seems like a bit of a bitch, too. If Adventure Comics is going to be detailing the adventures of the kids in Legion Academy from now on, I could dig it.

…kiss of rage and burning blood? Oh, Guy, you silly boy. Pff, of course the telepaths would bitch while Bleez is trying to help them. Okay, now, maybe a Green Lantern veteran reader can help me; who the heck is Aleesun? Whoever she was, she seemed to mean quite a bit to Guy. Ah well, if no one answers me, I guess I can wait until next issue.

I believe the last issue of R.E.B.E.L.S. ended with someone stealing Tribilus. Except, apparently, Smite wasn’t after Tribilus, he was after Dox. And now Starro has made the Psion homeworld the cornerstone world for his new empire…wow, our universe is fucked! No, really, our universe is fucked. So, you remember how the Psions were cloning things? Well, they’re cloning Czarnians. I guess the only good thing is that Starro is unable to control them. But still, an army of Lobo? This can only end in mass bloodshed and/or sex. Or maybe not. Lobo, you smart bastich. Oh shit! Is Stormdaughter…dead? I hope not, she was a pretty cool character. Ah well, cliffhangers abound.

I’m still a little wary about the Speed Force motorcycle. I mean, it’s a pretty lame idea. But Sam (one of the people that works at my LCS) just offered the suggestion that it could be John Fox, the Flash of the 25th century. But that seems unlikely. For one, John Fox is way too cool to do something as lame as have a Speed Force motorcycle. Then, there’s the existence of the Reverse Flash Task Force. Why would 25th century Central City need both? Methinks John Fox may be no longer in continuity. ‘Elongated Kid’? And it’s a dead old man?
Wut.
So the motorcycle guy is…but…what?! Okay, prediction time. Elongated Kid is the anomaly, and he’s actually Ralph and Sue’s unborn child from an alternate timeline. You heard it here first, folks.

I’m gonna be completely honest, Batman and Robin is all about Robin. Damian is a brat, and we love him for it. He’s even grouchy with a milkshake in one hand and his family all around. You little snit, I love ya. Anyway, the issue starts out with a suicide and ends with lots and lots of glowing bats. It was a good issue, but honestly, every part that didn’t have Damian being a brat sort of made my eyes glaze over. The kid stole the show.

Damn, and here I was hoping that Tim would ditch the condom-cap and stick with the Uternet costume permanently. Have we mentioned that Catman is badass lately? Because he is. When a member of the family that used to beat you up for fun acknowledges that you’re a BAMF, then by god, you’re a BAMF. But this issue isn’t about Catman. It’s about Tim calling Superboy Kon.
No, seriously, he did. Go check, I’ll wait. See it? Ohmygod! Aaand then Damian steals the spotlight in this issue, too. What is it about that kid that makes writers focus on him? Augh, I hate that I love him so much. And then the Calculator was a bomb! There are many bombs! Everybody panic! The art in this issue was fabulous. Marcus To, I give you my blessing to draw teenagers forever.

Batgirl is one of those series’ that just puts you in a good mood from start to finish. I mean, the plot of this issue is that Steph and Klarion (bum bum BUM) the Witch Boy are on a mission to get his familiar laid. No, seriously. I liked the nice little hat tip Klarion gave to his old musical sting, too. Though I am a bit torqued that Teekl has been rebooted to be male. I guess DC was getting tired of all the beastiality jokes. Hold your rotten veggies until the end please, folks.

Dinah, your mom is hot. Meaning no disrespect to the dead, but dayum. I hope Gail Simone never becomes my subconcious. I love her, but she’s way, way too good at making people she writes feel guilty. She’s like nine Jewish mothers and a middle school principals wrapped into one being of infinite power. Oh god, I just gave myself goosebumps at that thought. Current, I hope you die in a fire. He pimp slapped Lady Blackhawk! Who does that?! No one! What the hell?! Wow, Hank, you’re horribly drawn this issue. I mean, wow. The ladies, however, look excellent, especially Dove. I’m really starting to like this character again. What?! Another cliffhanger? Fab.

WINIIIIIIIICK. GOD DAMNIT WHAT THE FUCK.

That was what I excused myself from the comic store to scream outside until my voice broke. Damnit, Judd. Damnit, DC. GOD DAMNIT, MAX LORD. Did the original Blue Beetle kill your puppy? Rape your mother? Is that why you’ve seen to it that everyone that holds the Scarab, that you can get to, must die of a gunshot to the head? As soon as the issue opened, my heart clenched. In a series like this, if there’s a flashback to better times, someone is going to die. Someone is going to die. First issue of Identity Crisis, Ralph was telling Firehawk how he and his wife met. Four pages later, death. But you couldn’t just kill him, could you, asshole? You had to give us hope. Jaime escapes! Jaime gets a signal out so that the rest of the JLI can find him! Power Girl is off to tell the world about how evil Max is! The JLI makes it to Max’s hideout! Jaime says something funny!
DEATH.

Fuck. You. No more. I thought Jaime would be protected, Editorial mandates and what have you. He was a character Infinite Crisis spawned, Dan Didio liked him, fans liked him, he was the first Blue Beetle ever brought to TV. He’s supposed to be on Smallville soon. He has a family that loves him, friends outside of the superheroing set. His little sister ships Boostle. He has a good relationship with both his living parents, and he took his grandma flying once. I, I’m not gonna cry. I refuse to give you the satisfaction. He isn’t dead, this is just the mother of all fakeouts. It had better be.

That was this week in comics. I’m gonna go have dinner, then rock back and forth while clutching my knees and sitting fully clothed in the shower. Peace out.

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