Posts tagged DC

Lay down your arms, lay down your lives.

The word of the week is ‘sacrifice’, ladies and gentlemen. It’s more trendy than you think, in superhero comics. But sacrifice can come in many flavors, and not all of them are obvious the first time around.

As always, we’re kicking ladies’ week off with the cutest little lady in comics, Maxine Baker! Okay, her dad’s here, too. His sacrifice was that of blood, blood unwillingly given to Brother Blood, which gave him access to the Red. Meanwhile, Maxine continues her search for her brother’s soul. While I can’t say that I’m losing interest in this book, the inclusion of the media, truly America’s greatest tier of leech, has been rather irksome. I mean, I go out of my way to ignore celebrity junk in real life, I don’t need to be reminded of it in comics.

Self-sacrifice is a Supergirl tradition, it seems, but this time was different. This Supergirl was different. Honestly, the New 52 Supergirl has been…grating, at times. She’s quite hard to like, and I think that was deliberate. To match her family, I suppose. In this issue of Supergirl, Kara (again, unwillingly) makes the ultimate sacrifice, her flesh dissolved, scrubbed clean of the Kryptonite poisoning, and reconstituted into the flesh of the man the Cyborg Superman once was, Zor-El! Heh. I just…I don’t even know who I’m trying to fool, here. Ever since the H’El on Earth stuff, I’ve been so lost. That’s the thing with crossover books, you get so lost so easily if you don’t follow everything, it’s absurd. I’m not going to drop Supergirl again, not just yet. But this issue has officially sparked warning bells, and that’s not a good thing.

There’s self-sacrifice, and then there’s sacrifice of self. Ignoring your own ideals for the greater good is one of the hardest things a person can do, and that’s why I’ll never take heroes like Batman seriously. The sheer amount of self-righteous bullshit that writers have managed to stuff into one character over the years is overwhelming. Diana knows that there are other answers, ways to stop an enemy without ending their life, but sometimes…sometimes killing is all that’s left. The Firstborn still lives, but barely. The God of War is dead, long live the Goddess of War. 

You can never empathize with a person until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes. Kate Kane gets that. That’s why she turned the needle on herself. Dosed herself with Fear Toxin in order to fully understand what she’d put Maggie through. All the heroes I’ve talked about today have sacrificed their bodies in one way or another, but Kate? Kate sacrificed her mind. Well done, girl.

I’d like to issue a formal apology. I’ve not done a whole lot of reviewing, lately. My mind has been other places. My heart hasn’t been in it. Sometimes, I’ve just had nothing worth reviewing. These are, of course, excuses. But here is a promise: so long as I am able, there will be new content every week. Have a good weekend.

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Support your supporting characters!

I’m not going to lie, I was a bad girl this evening. Yesterday, the new DC animated movie Flashpoint Paradox was leaked onto the internet. Today, I finally made up my mind whether or not to watch it early. My thoughts on it, directly following my viewing of it: “Oh my god, I am so going to own this movie when it comes out. I’m going to put it in a deep frame and write on the glass, ‘break in case of joy’.”

The movie itself was…well, it didn’t even ring true to the amazing failure of a story that was the Flashpoint comic, and frankly, my favorite bits were the parts that were added in for the movie. It’s a good waste of 90 minutes, if you’re not a hardcore Flash fan. Because when you are…the clusterfuck of character timeline inconsistencies in the opening twelve minutes was enough to send me into minor fits of rage. Just saying. Anyway, onward to this week’s comics!

You know, I’m going to count it. If Animal Man keeps coming out in the third week of the month, it can still be considered a ladies week comic, as it has been focusing pretty heavily on Maxine in the last couple of issues. Good. Frankly, I like her best. The innocence of a child coupled with the instincts of a hero and the powers of a god? Yes, please. This month we see Animal Girl’s first real failure, as she finds that she is unable to bring her brother back to life with just a body, she needs his spiritual essence as well. Oh, and her dad fights these animal men monsters who work for Brother Blood. That’s also a thing that happens.

I was beginning to feel like the writers on Supergirl were having a bit too much fun playing up the ‘lost girl from another world is confused about everything and blindly trusts those who offer her a way home’ angle, so it’s good to see that she’s learning. “When am I going to learn? Boys offering Krypton are not to be trusted.” H’El used her…something, I wasn’t exactly following that storyline, Cyborg Superman was using her memories. Next time on Supergirl, Lex Luthor, masquerading as his own son with a head full of luscious red hair, offers to build her a time machine in exchange for some of her DNA. Shit, I’d actually read the hell out of that book. It’s not like DC is above reusing stories and themes from 1994 these days, am I right?

A moment of silence, as my very favorite New 52 character has died. Lennox, we hardly knew ye. But moving on, New Genesis, wowza. I’m not as intimately familiar with the New Gods as other people I know, so I don’t really have much to compare to/complain about. That being said, it’d be freaking fabulous if a friendship founded on mutual respect were to form between Diana and Orion, as the one that previously existed between Diana and Clark is clearly not going to happen in this universe.

Hey, guess who’s Kate’s fighting this month? Trick question, this is a Bette issue! Ah, little Bette Kane, finally growing into her own. Not trying to copy her cousin, or her crush, fighting grown men as practice, planning her own extraction ops. Even though I’ve been reading about this character on an off for over a decade, it’s only now that she really feels like someone who could hold her own issue. Hawkfire isn’t the name of a supporting character, so the world better watch out.

Phew. I kind of feel like I last-minute-half-assed that. I hope not. Anyway! Trinity War continues this week, a new Batman and book came out, oh and if you’ve not been reading Batman Beyond Unlimited, you should start. There’s a new Batgirl in town, and she’s going to be taking exactly none of your shit. In other news, it’s just past 3 am and I felt my brain start shutting itself down half an hour ago. Goodnight, everyone. And to those of you reading this from a line at SDCC, get some sleep already!

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Smooching is banned.

Welcome back to the den of depression, the house of feels, the ToG Blog. Tell me, friend, do you spend an hour or more every Wednesday staring in horror at the pages of the comics you’ve bought? Have you ever felt personally victimized by a writer? Do you take to the internet to kvetch about things, only to be told to ‘lol gtfoi noob’? Welcome home, friend.

The fourth print issue of Li’l Gotham came out today, and oh my gosh. I’d forgotten how cute the St. Patrick’s Day issue had been. The Easter issue is also included, with a guest appearance by Colin Wilkes. I’ve had a little thought recently, about Li’l Gotham. Why not have a Li’l DCU book? Clearly, few people are happy about the New 52 universe as a whole, why not give them a cuter, more familiar universe to read about, instead? There’s a webcomic going on right now on Tumblr called JL8, and it’s quite popular. Surely a licensed DC comic in a similar vein would be just as popular?

Speaking of feeling personally victimized by a writer, Young Avengers came out today, and I’m pretty sure that Kieron Gillen hates happiness. Allow me to back up this statement with things. As you may already be aware, Gillen’s run on Journey into Mystery is sometimes called Journey into Misery by the fans. I’ve begun to take this moniker one step further by calling his Young Avengers run Journey into Misery 2: Electric Boogaloo. Why? Because the idea that Kid Loki planted in Teddy’s head several issues back about him being in love with Billy because Billy’s reality-warping powers created him to be in love with him is shaping into a major plot point. The kid’s seeing a therapist to try and deal with the idea in their downtime, for heaven’s sake. Prince of mischief my left tit, this is straight up malevolence. Moving on a bit, what has the gang been up to since they left New York? Why, chasing down non-Skrulls (and I don’t ever want Skifflefuffles to ever appear again, because it took me five tries to type that correctly from memory), of course! Luckily, they always go back to the same diner, so David Alleyne was able to find them and tell them about Tommy. I’m going to make it my mission to find and read that series that America Chavez showed up in before the next issue comes out, because I have no idea how the hell she’s able to open up portals into the multiverse. Before I bunk off for the night, though, I feel the need to share this page, which proves that Kieron Gillen has the power to make you laugh, as well as break your heart:

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Hell yeah.

And that’s this week in comics! Avengers Arena ended with a twist, and the first issue of Trinity War came out this week

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Speedster week! Warm up your tissue boxes!

It’s the last week of June! Well, I’ve personally had no money this month. Between my parent’s anniversary, my mother’s birthday, my grandmother’s birthday, going up to see Matt, saving for Florida Supercon next weekend, and various living expenses, I’ve been Spider-Man broke. That being said, we’ve only got two comics to look at today. Yes, that’s right, the thrilling two-part conclusion to Batman Incorporated has been pushed forward again! Apparently, they’re planning on double shipping the issue in July. Woo.

Speedsters abound! Aside from appearing in Flash, Kid Flash also shows up in that toilet paper periodical, Teen Titans, and Flash himself finishes up his guest spot in Justice League Dark. Man, if Trinity War weren’t on the horizon, I think I’d have to start reading that book again. Jeff Lemire is truly a phenomenal writer. Anyway, this issue marked the first meeting between the only speedster the DCU has left. Now, I’m clinging tight to this theory that Scott Lobdell occasionally has conversations with competent writers, as he most likely talked to Brian Azzarello before making his creation, Lennox, Cassie’s reboot father. That being said, Francis Manapul, why. You wrote Lobdell’s Kid Flash perfectly, as though Bart’s dialogue was coming from the man himself. I’m tempted to believe that that’s exactly what happened. Lobdell’s Kid Flash is a travesty. It’s not Bart. That…thing is not Bart Allen. He’s got the personality of an irate wombat and, I’m sorry, but I thought Bart didn’t remember anything prior to waking up in a group home. Uccch. At least the art was stunning, as always. The two-page spread of them running across various landscapes was amazing, and their ‘fight’ in the Louvre was very Bart in the actions. I had such high hopes for Bart here; actual prayer may have been done to try and ensure that he wasn’t awful. Good thing I’m not religious.

It’s a bad day to have superspeed. I mean, it’s always a bad day to be a character in a Kieron Gillen comic, but I digress. So, has anyone wondered where Tommy’s been all this time? Working a boring factory job and partying, apparently. As for David Alleyne? Yeah, same. Tommy works at Hero Staffing (note to self: that’s an excellent name for a male strip club with a superhero theme) in the assembly area, while David does tech support. They’re friends. Sort of. (“We had noodles once and coffee once.” “See? Friends!”) And when someone robs their workplace in the middle of the night while dressed as Patriot, well…Image

 

 

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The hills are alive with the sound of speedster fans everywhere realizing that to love a super-fast person is to be in constant pain and misery. I’ll admit it, at this point, I’m more than a little please-sir-may-I-have-another when it comes to Gillen’s particular flavor of pain but hey, we all have our kinks. Ans what happened to David, you ask? Nothing. He refuses to put on not-Eli’s glove, so not-Eli vanishes. Trippy, if slightly unsatisfying.

I’m sorry that there wasn’t more to be said, but for the most part, the comics I picked up this week weren’t noteworthy. They were good, but nothing spun my hat. 

Hey, South Floridians! Florida Supercon is next weekend, read up on it here!

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“I’ve got the magic in me.” -direct quote from Billy Kaplan

Now normally, I’d be lamenting the end of another month while at the same time joyfully expressing my love of the comics that came out this week…but May has five Wednesdays this time around, and DC shot its wad a bit early. So, I suppose that y’all can consider this an early warning. If I can’t think of something current and interesting to talk about next week, there may not be a post, as all DC is putting out for the fifth week of May are annuals for series’ I don’t read.

Ah, as for the lateness of this post, well…I guess I should come clean. I love independent comics. I probably love them more than superhero comics at this point, and I’ve spent the last few months building up my Los Bros Hernandez collection. Yesterday I picked up the twelfth volume of their Love and Rockets collection, Poison River, done entirely by Gilbert Hernandez about his best-known character, Luba. I got home around 10 pm and spent the next three hours devouring the entire book, before even touching the actual new comics I bought. But really, can any of you blame me? It’s always good to look outside one’s comfort zone, and trust me, there’s nothing on the market further from DC Comics’ new 52 than Love and Rockets.

I wanted to kick things off with a bang by looking at Bruce’s confrontation with Talia…but unfortunately, that’s to be put off another month. Grant Morrison wasn’t involved with the 11th issue of Batman Incorporated at all, despite being the creator of the two protagonists, Jiro Osamu (the Batman of Japan) and Shy Crazy Lolita Canary. Instead, we get an issue written by the usual artist, Chris Burnham, and an artist by the name of Jorge Lucas. If the name doesn’t ring a bell for the usual DC reader, have no fear! Lucas is yet another artist DC has drafted in from another company, this time Top Cow, though he has done work for Marvel in the past. As for the story itself, it’s not bad. A regular Bat-style bad guy punch-em-up with no real detective work thrown in (that’s left to the computers, don’t you know), and a cute look into Jiro and Canary’s size-challenged romance. Though seriously, this issue was originally solicited to be a direct continuation of #10, don’t do that again, DC.

It’s winter in Gotham! Well, sort of. This month’s issue of Li’l Gotham is full to bursting with celebration as Mr. Freeze learns the true meaning of the holiday season (hint: it isn’t kidnapping children), and the Gotham Girls have a crime-free night on the town…depending on how loosely you interpret the word “crime”. Nyugen and Fridolfs deliver yet another adorable issue of what I’m not even beginning to hesitate to call my favorite thing from DC right now. Be sure to come back next month for another two installments, all for $2.99! As far as digital-to-print comics go, that’s bargain basement, baby!

So there were some panels floating around earlier this week of Billy putting a gun in his mouth. His reasoning was that if he was dead, all his spells would come undone, and Loki would no longer have his powers. I’m going to be honest, those panels sent me into panic attack mode. Why? Because this is Kieron Gillen at the typewriter, kiddies. He would do it. Of all the talent Marvel has in their stable right now, I doubt there’s a creator out there who is quite as good at causing pain to comic fans as this guy. I mean, his last big writing job for Marvel, Journey into Mystery, is commonly nicknamed Journey into Misery by the fans of the book. If that’s not a telling sign of a man who wants to make you cry, I don’t know what is. 

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Fuck you.
That being said! As far as closing issues to first arcs go, this one was quite the winner! While not quite destroyed, the Mother parasite has been beaten back to the point of nonexistence. This is a good thing! Unfortunately, in order to keep her that way, none of the Young Avengers are allowed to go back to New York City until Loki and Billy can figure out a way to eradicate her completely. This is a bad thing! So, parental distress, check. Suicide attempt, check. Constant reminders that Little Loki is not a good guy, nor looking out for the group’s best interests, check check. Um. At least Billy got a nifty new costume, the team is officially a team, and Kate is going to teach Noh-Varr the definition of ‘hot make-outs’ at some point in the future? Oh, and did I mention that the next issue is going to feature the return of Speed and, get this, David Alleyne?! Okay, this guy? He’s got my second favorite power, next to superspeed. Before the events of M-Day, he could absorb any knowledge from another person, though he’d end up forgetting it once they were out of range. His brain was later unlocked by the Stepford Cuckoos so that he’d be able to remember everything he’d ever learned. Granted, he’d never be able to learn anything new just by casting around for it, but still. I can’t even explain how excited I am for this guy to be in this book. Even more excited than I am about, say, Billy’s hot new costume:

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He is Donna Troy-ing this mother up. Gotta love a guy with the confidence to wear a galaxy on his hips.

The Flash was certainly a busy beaver this week. Aside from his guest spot in Justice League Dark and showing up briefly in the main Justice League title, his own book had more mystery, death, and intrigue than you could shake a Speed Force-imbued stick at! But first, an unpopular opinion that no one cares about: I really do like Barry and Patty together, as a couple. They seem to make each other happy. While Barry has literally crossed the ravages of time and space for Iris, their life together happened in a different world. A better world, most would argue, but not the world we’re going to be seeing for a good while. I’ve made my peace with this, to an extent. I’m still pretty damn mad about it, in some respects, but I’ve mostly made my peace. That being said: Barry, you’re living with your girlfriend now, who knows that you’re actually the Flash. This less-than-professional interest you seem to have in Iris, and that she seems to have in you, isn’t going to go unnoticed for long. Patty Spivot is one blonde you can not make dumb jokes about. The meat of this issue, despite rather misleading appearances on the cover, is about detective work. Investigations are in, brutal violence is out! Well, sort of. We do get a neat scene where Barry windmills a train into submission in pursuit of a super-powered suspect, but that’s about it. So! Four bodies went into the Speed Force, Marissa, Gomez, Albert, and Iris. Three developed powers, two are left alive. One is on the run, one is oblivious…and Barry thinks that now is a good time to finally go investigate Kid Flash?! Bubba, your priorities are seriously wonky. I will say, the dedication to Carmine Infantino was a nice touch. Memorial pages have been popping up in comics all month, but an actual dedication…didn’t think you still had that kind of class in you, DC.

That was this week in comics! If you’re able, be sure to also pick up All-Star Western for a taste of Booster Gold, and the second to last issue of Fionna and Cake! Things are really heating up there! Going to be honest, unless there’s something I’m forgetting, it doesn’t look like I’ll be getting any comics next week at all. Good for my wallet, bad for my soul! This may just call for a nifty little required reading list of my own…

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This just in: Buddy Baker to appear in the next season of Dancing With the Stars

Breathe deep, folks. It’s May. We’ve only got a few days before it loses that new-month smell. Of course, this also means that it’s a one-book week and- hold on. Who said new Gail Simone-penned series? Who said? DC said? Well, alright then.

It’s movie time, again! Remember waaaay back in issue 6, where we got to “see” the first half of Buddy’s superhero movie, Tights? Well, fourteen issues later, we get to see the rest of it. Frankly, I thought it was a nice break. We get to see Buddy in his first profession, actor, and his current profession, superhero in mourning. Oh, and guess what? He’s been nominated for an Oscar! Neat, right? While I’m still dying to see Buddy and Ellen get back together, and have Maxine back in the comic, I think I can settle for this.

I’m going to get my classiest comment out of the way first thing: The Movement sounds like a trip to the toilet. There we go. I’m done. Prop me up on the cross on your way out. Now, then. I had high hopes for The Movement. Gail Simone does great work with mainstream heroes, her Birds of Prey run being one of my favorite runs on anything of all time, but her best work is off the beaten path. Her Gen 13 reboot, her Secret Six reboot, her Rose and Thorn reboot, her creator-owned series Welcome to Tranquility…I can go on. Since DC took a paint roller to their whole universe, Gail Simone has suffered. Creatively, I mean, not monetarily. Probably.
I mean, Batgirl is the most popular and best-selling female-lead title, and I don’t doubt that Ms. Simone’s popularity as a writer hurt that fact. I mean, the woman was kicked off the title, then reinstated within a week of her canning. That’s fan power, right there. In any case, aside from Batgirl, which I gave up reading long ago, Gail has worked on Fury of Firestorm  for six issues…and that’s it. Keep in mind, she’s been working for DC exclusively for several years, and only now that her contract has expired is she even allowed to accept writing gigs from other comic companies (she’ll be writing Red Sonja for Dynamite starting this year), yet she’s been sorely underused. Let me put it this way: in 2012, Rob Liefeld and Scott Lobdell had more to do at DC than Gail Simone did. Yeah. Think about that.
Now, onto The Movement. What is it? I…have no idea. Is it a super-team? Is it an ersatz Anonymous for the DC Universe? I mean, it’s obviously something, but what? 
Okay. So, there’s this thing called Channel M. Using technologically advanced…camera masks? They watch for corruption in the police force and crime on the streets. The masks then summon the super-team, The Movement. The Movement is made up of four teenagers so far: The rat-summoning Mouse, the emotion-reading Virtue, the winged, hard-punching badass Katharsis, and…holy shit, is that Tremor, from Secret Six? That’s totally a de-aged Tremor! Simone, you sneak!
Right then! If this first issue is anything to go by, The Movement is about stopping corruption and protecting your own neighborhood, by any means possible. I can roll with that.

And that was this week in comics! Hawkeye also flew onto, and off of, the new stand this week, and it looks like we’ve got a new villain origin in it! Tune in next week for- uh. Oh. Well. I dropped Batman, as well as Batman and Robin, Superboy, Suicide Squad, and Threshold. I, I don’t think anything is coming out from Marvel, either? Hm.

Tune in next week for some kind of rant that I pull directly from my brain at the last minute, most likely while intoxicated!

Yeesh, that’s sure professional. 

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Dr. Langstrom, or how I learned to stop worrying and drink heavily to forget things that happen in Batman Incorporated.

And so we send off the month of April! A rather tumultuous month, we’ve seen shakeups in the Super-family, watched Batman slip quickly into insanity, and cheered as Diana continued to be awesome. As far as consistent quality goes, April has been…well. I made the executive decision to drop Batman and Batman and Robin from my pull list, because I am very much done with this nonsense. Glory ended, the few Marvel books I read continued their way up my list of favorites, we lost Carmine Infantino…it was a very varied month. Still, we’ve got three more books to look at before I can put April to rest, so let’s get to them.

Batman Inc was cancelled earlier this month. The tenth issue never came out, and we will never get closure on this Leviathan story that’s been building for over four years.

Okay, I’m lying. Batman Inc has been cancelled as of the 13th issue, where Grant Morrison will be ending his chapter in the history of Batman. There are three more issues following this one. Ha. Hahaha. I don’t want to live anymore.
Now, I know what that sounds like, but I probably don’t mean it the way you’re thinking. Batman Inc is a book of various levels of quality. The entire first series of it was…not great. The transitioning book, Leviathan Strikes, was fantastic. The second series, the one we’re in now, has had its high points (the return of Matches Malone! Damian teaming up with Jason as Redbird and Wingman! Ranger/Squire!), and it’s low, low points. Damian’s death was the lowest it could possibly get. A child was brutally killed. Knight’s death in the previous issue, tragic as it was, just couldn’t compare. This book could go nowhere but up. And this tenth issue has proven that theory.
Sort of.
Azrael makes a cameo! Kirk Langstrom makes a cameo! Bruce is forced to go head to head with Talia! The woman Hood brought Jason to is..! Okay, I could be wrong about this (my friends call me Nostradamus), but I think it’s Kathy Kane. Look at how her girls are dressed, look at the Spyral symbol in the background of their lair:

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Kathy. Kane. 
There are other interesting parts of this issue, such as Talia exerting her control over the Damian clone, and her interactions with her father, as well as her punishment of the Leviathan followers who shot at Damian. Actually, forget about the other stuff that happened in this issue, Talia freaking stole it all. This woman is badass. She has a goal: Destroy the man who fathered her child and broke her heart. That’s it. Everything else she’s done with Leviathan is inconsequential to her so long as Batman goes down, along with the city he serves. I can tell that Morrison is trying to play up the crazy, insecure bitch angle, especially during her conversation with Ra’s, but I’m not buying it. Talia al Ghul is determined to drag the world down to hell…and I’m kind of rooting for her.

Hey, who wants to get their heart broken?! Now I know why a friend of mine called Journey into Mystery Journey into Misery. Kieron Gillen shouldn’t have this kind of power, he’s just using it for evil. Take for example, “How do you know you’re not just the result of your boyfriend’s latent reality warping abilities in their earliest form, Teddy?” Loki no. That’s not cool. Nothing about this issue is cool. Nothing. Okay, y’all caught me in another lie. Kate and Noh-Varr finally show up, and damn if they aren’t the coolest. Now, I was always rooting for Kate and Eli to work out as a couple, but this is good, too.
By the way, thanks for confirming that you never tapped Clint, Noh. That’s information we sorely needed.
Still, I’ve been a Marvel Boy fan for, uh, about as long as there’s been a Marvel Boy, honestly. I loved his mini series back in 2000, I loved his appearance in the Civil War crossover with the Runaways and the Young Avengers, I just really, really enjoy him as a character. Everything I’ve read him in has caused his character to grow and evolve, finally reaching what we see here: A music dork with a bangin’ booty. Excuse me, an awesome music dork with a bangin’ booty, my apologies. 
In this issue, pretty much everyone gets a ‘moment’. Noh-Varr beats up Mom’s people, Kate has her plasma bow, Miss America gets more than one great one-liner, Loki and Hulkling have their little discussion…unfortunately, Billy’s moment is the one where he fucks everything up. Kinda par for the course of this series, so far. So, Billy agrees to lend Loki his powers for ten minutes, and Loki gets the Hel out of dodge, leaving everyone else stranded there. I honestly don’t know what any of you were expecting, it’s Loki.

Saving the best for last, aw yeah. But am I? Am I really? No, I totally am. The Flash was awesome this month, and not just because it was the second issue of the two-part Trickster story. Basically, the premise is that Barry has to navigate Iron Heights without his speed, aided only by weapons that formerly belonged to his Rogues. And here’s the kicker: he doesn’t actually know how to use most of them. Oh, and the reason he’s even in Iron Heights is because he’s trying to prove that the Trickster didn’t kill anyone and get him released legally before Axel’s friends break him out of prison.
How has this comic not simply materialized in your hands from the sheer want of it? Come on, now.
Okay! So, watching Barry try and figure out how Mark’s, sorry, Marco’s weather wand works is about an eight on the scale of hilarity. He proves to be pretty good at working Axel’s stuff, though. Instructions: pull pin. Throw. Run away. Oh yeah, and I should probably mention, Albert, one of the guys that was in the Speed Force for several weeks, is in this issue, too. He’s on the cover, actually. Anyway, his power is to amp things up to eleven by touching them. Um. AHEM. Well, I have about fifty different ways I could turn that into a dirty joke, but I think I’ll go the classier route and just shut the hell up. So, what do you call a speedless Flash and a kid named Turbocharger when they go up against an entire prison, as well as a few dozen desert-dwellers? An ambulance…for the other guys! Turbocharger saves the day by boosting up one of Len’s old cold guns for Barry, which actually leads to Barry discovering who really committed the crime Axel was jailed for…another Speed Force-powered civilian named Marissa! Of course, Barry gets his speed back in the end, and learns about where it probably went via the Watchtower computer, but the story isn’t over yet. In the last two pages, drawn by Francis Manapul, we get our first real look at the new Reverse Flash! Aw, and we also say goodbye to Turbocharger. I liked the four issues you appeared in, guy.
This issue of Flash was worth its cover price and more. Especially because Axel, bless his apparently white cotton socks, actually took the time to go, “Hey, I know this guy. The bartender. What are you doing here?” and not drop the subject. Ladies and gentlemen, Axel Walker grew a brain. And is probably the height he used to be billed as (5’7″), if his height next to Barry is any indication. Hm, y’know, it just occurred to me. Did Axel ever get out of jail? That was never really made clear. The guys who were trying to break him out got jailed, and Marissa probably got arrested, but what about Axel? He was pretty determined to not leave without his stuff, so…maybe he’s still in there? Oh honey, you’re too pretty for jail, now.

And that was this week in comics! If you would kindly direct your attention to the past, Booster Gold is currently appearing in All-Star Western. Superman Family Adventures ended today, Flash guest-starred in Justice League Dark, Avenger’s Arena came out again (?), and. God, this is something I actually have to yell about, hold on.

NONE OF YOU CAN COMPREHEND HOW FUCKING ANGRY THE FIRST PAGE OF THIS MONTH’S TEEN TITANS IS MAKING ME

I LITERALLY BOUGHT THE ISSUE TODAY BECAUSE I’M NOT PUTTING IT DOWN UNTIL I CAN FIGURE OUT WHOSE LIMBS AND TORSOS GO WHERE, AND THE COMIC SHOP WAS CLOSING

LOOK AT THIS SHIT, WHAT THE HELL

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WHAT IS THAT

FIRE THIS ARTIST, WHAT THE HELL. I’m Touch of Grey, I’m irrationally angry over things, goodnight.

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