Posts tagged comics

Lay down your arms, lay down your lives.

August 22, 2013 · Filed under Uncategorized · Tagged , , , , , ,

The word of the week is ‘sacrifice’, ladies and gentlemen. It’s more trendy than you think, in superhero comics. But sacrifice can come in many flavors, and not all of them are obvious the first time around.

As always, we’re kicking ladies’ week off with the cutest little lady in comics, Maxine Baker! Okay, her dad’s here, too. His sacrifice was that of blood, blood unwillingly given to Brother Blood, which gave him access to the Red. Meanwhile, Maxine continues her search for her brother’s soul. While I can’t say that I’m losing interest in this book, the inclusion of the media, truly America’s greatest tier of leech, has been rather irksome. I mean, I go out of my way to ignore celebrity junk in real life, I don’t need to be reminded of it in comics.

Self-sacrifice is a Supergirl tradition, it seems, but this time was different. This Supergirl was different. Honestly, the New 52 Supergirl has been…grating, at times. She’s quite hard to like, and I think that was deliberate. To match her family, I suppose. In this issue of Supergirl, Kara (again, unwillingly) makes the ultimate sacrifice, her flesh dissolved, scrubbed clean of the Kryptonite poisoning, and reconstituted into the flesh of the man the Cyborg Superman once was, Zor-El! Heh. I just…I don’t even know who I’m trying to fool, here. Ever since the H’El on Earth stuff, I’ve been so lost. That’s the thing with crossover books, you get so lost so easily if you don’t follow everything, it’s absurd. I’m not going to drop Supergirl again, not just yet. But this issue has officially sparked warning bells, and that’s not a good thing.

There’s self-sacrifice, and then there’s sacrifice of self. Ignoring your own ideals for the greater good is one of the hardest things a person can do, and that’s why I’ll never take heroes like Batman seriously. The sheer amount of self-righteous bullshit that writers have managed to stuff into one character over the years is overwhelming. Diana knows that there are other answers, ways to stop an enemy without ending their life, but sometimes…sometimes killing is all that’s left. The Firstborn still lives, but barely. The God of War is dead, long live the Goddess of War. 

You can never empathize with a person until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes. Kate Kane gets that. That’s why she turned the needle on herself. Dosed herself with Fear Toxin in order to fully understand what she’d put Maggie through. All the heroes I’ve talked about today have sacrificed their bodies in one way or another, but Kate? Kate sacrificed her mind. Well done, girl.

I’d like to issue a formal apology. I’ve not done a whole lot of reviewing, lately. My mind has been other places. My heart hasn’t been in it. Sometimes, I’ve just had nothing worth reviewing. These are, of course, excuses. But here is a promise: so long as I am able, there will be new content every week. Have a good weekend.

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DC: Please stop focusing on Batman

August 15, 2013 · Filed under Uncategorized · Tagged , ,

What has two arms, two legs, one head, and no day off this week? This guy! So, uh, good news and bad news. Good news, I got my hands on the latest issue of Saga. Bad news, I don’t actually have anything to review this week. So, in the time-honored tradition, have a rant.

So there’s this guy, Batman. Been around for almost 80 years. Kinda broody, parent issues out the wazoo. Maybe you’ve heard of him. Actually, I’d be surprised if you hadn’t heard of him, at this point.

Batman, for those of you who might be having delusions otherwise, is DC’s biggest character. He’s been the subject of eight animated television shows over the years, over a dozen live-action and animated movies, and in the New 52, his ‘family’ has more ongoing books than any other section, and none of them have been cancelled yet. Batman Incorporated ended, but it was always meant to do that. The Batman section of the New 52 has 12 ongoing books. That leaves 40 ongoing books for the rest of the DC Universe. Not to mention how, in the digital-first comics, we’ve got Li’l Gotham, Batman Beyond Unlimited, Legends of the Dark Knight, Batman ‘66, and Batman: Arkham Unhinged.

As further proof to Batman’s near-total domination of DC, allow me to present the crossover events so far since the reboot started: Night of the Owls, The Culling, Rise of the Third Army, Rotworld, Death of the Family, H’El on Earth, Throne of Atlantis, Wrath of the First Lantern, Batman: Zero Year, Trinity War. That’s one Batman crossover event a year, guys. Not to mention that Zero Year crosses over with non-Batman titles, like Flash and Green Lantern Corps. Why? Who cares! Batman! DC, please. And with the reality of a Batman/Superman movie in the not so distant future looming over us, it’s only bound to get worse.

So I implore you, DC. Take a look around your vast kingdom. Toy with some of your other properties, for once.

“But Batman sells!” You protest. “Kids love Batman! Adults love Batman! Everyone knows Batman!” No. Let me put it this way. 

If you have hamburgers once a week throughout your childhood, you’ll have fond memories of hamburgers. You’ll also like hamburgers a lot, provided you only had them every once in awhile. And then, when you hit adulthood, suddenly, hamburgers are everywhere. There are a million variations on the same hamburger, and in order to feel like you’re getting the best hamburger experience, you decide to try them all. Eventually, it becomes too much. You’re drowning in hamburgers. And the worst part? Most of them are terrible, with wilted lettuce and moldy bread. Every now and then, you find an excellent hamburger, cooked exactly how you like it, with the freshest ingredients. However, when buying that burger, the server informs you that you’ll need to buy a whole bunch of other hamburgers, many of them rotten, in order to properly enjoy the burger you wanted. DC, you are the server. Batman is the hamburger.

I’m getting a little tired of hamburgers. Let’s get a salad, or some tomato soup, or hell, some tacos. You’ve got a big universe, DC. Capitalize on it.

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The Flash: The Movie; is Barry Allen the right choice?

August 8, 2013 · Filed under Uncategorized · Tagged , , ,

So, good news and bad news. Good news: I totally got comics this week! Bad news: You really don’t want me to review them. I just spent about an hour rolling around on my Animal Man and Sweet Tooth issues, basking in how good Trillium is. Instead, you’re getting another rant. So turn on, tune in, drop out, drop in, switch on, switch off, and explode, folks, because today I plan to talk about the Flash movie.

No, not the one that I just reviewed. The one that was falsely reported at SDCC a few weeks ago. As it turns out, there will be no Flash movie in 2016, though there will be a Flash TV show, probably as soon as 2014. Barry Allen is going to be a recurring character on Arrow starting in the second season, which is set to be hilarious, as Barry and Ollie get along about as well as two cats in a sack, unless Hal is between them playing Switzerland. “In brightest day, in blackest night, I’m going to punch the both of you in the face if you don’t stop this shit right now.” It goes without saying that, should there be a Flash movie, the man in the red suit would most likely be Barry Allen, as he’s the Flash DC has been focusing on for the last few years. But truthfully, I really think they could make a Flash movie with Wally in the lead, through the long-held DC tradition of blending.

In JLU, Wally was a police scientist, his uncle’s career. He lived in Central City, and was the only Flash. He had a museum dedicated to him. And yet…he had an excellent sense of humor, something that hadn’t really been present with the last TV Flash, Barry, in the live action show from 1990. JLU Wally was the comedy relief with a heart of gold. JLU was, in my opinion, the best example of character blending that there could be.

A few years after Flash-Wally first appeared on the small screen, Teen Titans showed us a Kid Flash-Wally…who had the same voice actor as his adult counterpart, leading me to personally believe that Wally got his powers in an accident as a child, and grew up as a superhero. You can base a movie on that, just leave out the lab accident.

Speaking of accidents, the origin where Wally gives himself powers via his uncle’s notes in Young Justice is a good origin, really! But his comics origin was very different, and involved him accidentally getting powers in a freak coincidence where the Flash was showing him how he’d gotten his own powers in Barry Allen’s lab. Wally didn’t learn that his uncle was the Flash until a bit later. Still, in both instances, his powers are gained through his adult mentor, something that would have to be changed for a movie.

It would, of course, mean that you’d be cutting out Barry Allen completely, something that the big hats at DC don’t want to do. Still, in Earth-2, Jay Garrick got his powers from the god Mercury. In the new 52, Barry got his powers from the same old experiment. Wally’s been shown to be a fairly bright kid, maybe he was struck by lightning while carrying home his science fair project and that’s how he got his powers in JLU/Teen Titans. It was never really addressed, I don’t believe.

To the current generation of young adult comic readers, Wally is our guy. We remember him from Justice League and JLU. Teen Titans. The Batman. Hell, he even raced Superman in Superman: The Animated Series. He is, to people between the ages of 18 and 25, the best known Flash. Aka, the demographic that the Flash movie would be hoping to reach, alongside the 8-14 year old demographic that all superhero movies hope to pander to. 

But the people in charge of such a thing are part of the nostalgia generation. Dan DiDio recently stated that DC was making comics aimed at 45-year olds, a pretty stupid business practice. Let me put it this way: cigarette companies used to market their product in a way that would interest kids. Get them smoking young, and they’ll carry that habit into adulthood. Comics are the same way, and just as bad for your heart. DC’s obsession with Barry Allen and subsequent refusal to touch Wally West will hurt them in the same way that letting Scott Lobdell write Starfire hurt them. Comics have an audience of 100-200 thousand, for the best-selling titles. The least-watched episodes of Teen Titans and JLU still drew in over a million viewers. Casual fans look for what they know. Casual fans don’t know Barry Allen. You do the math, DC.

See y’all next week, when we take a look at the wonderful world of Li’l Gotham!

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Faster, speedster! Will! Will!

August 1, 2013 · Filed under Uncategorized · Tagged , , , , ,

Welcome back to your regularly scheduled programming. It’s the last week of July, everyone! And more than that, it’s the fifth week of July. Also, I totally didn’t review last week’s comics. So what does that mean? It means you best hold onto your pants, as five comic reviews are coming your way!

Gonna start off with the one that made me the most angry. For the past two weeks or so, the internet has been blowing up because of Morrison’s interviews of him saying that he’s destroyed Batman, that Batman can’t come back from this. I have but one thing to say:
Fuck you.
Because Batman? Batman will always endure. In the long run, more people will pay attention to things like Snyder’s Death of the Family and Court of Owls storylines than they ever did to Batman Inc. Batman Inc was a vehicle. A death vehicle. Over the course of the last 13 issues, we’ve lost Knight and Robin, and now we’ve lost Talia al Ghul. One can argue that we’ve regained Kathy Kane, but bullshit. “Don’t try to find me.” She says. “I don’t exist.” It’s practically a warning for other writers: do not use this character ever again. As for the reaction to Talia’s death in the other Bat-books? Maybe we’ll see something in Red Hood and the Outlaws, those of you who still read it should give me the heads-up if a mention occurs. As for Batman and-, and the main Batman book? Bruce is still reeling from Damian’s death, too broken up over that to really give a shit that his mother died right in front of him. And the main Batman book is waist deep in something called Zero Year. I don’t know, I stopped reading it after Death of the Family.
Ladies and gentlemen, I am not a Batman fan. For a long time, I could have considered myself a Grant Morrison fan and really, I still am. Just…not when he writes Batman. And with the end of Batman Inc, he’s officially done. The endgame has been played. The Morrison era of Batman is over. You can all go about your lives. We’re free.

If you went into the second Animal Man annual thinking you were going to get an awesome fight and not have your heart broken, haha, have I got news for you, buddy! The story itself is half present-tense, half-memory. Buddy, still in mourning for Cliff, goes to a convenience store to buy beer. He sees a gossip rag that poses the question: “Was Animal Man’s son’s death a hoax?” and loses his shit entirely. We are then taken back four years. To the day of Maxine’s birth, actually. Buddy and Cliff are waylaid by Anansa, the Spider Mother, who has been kidnapping people to feed on their dreams. Buddy doesn’t actually have to fight her, as she’s peaceful in nature, and he actually later returns to help her move to an unpopulated area, where she and her children can eat all the animal dreams they want. He finds her again, all these years later, in order to retrieve the dream she’d been given by Cliff, and my heart tapdanced out of my chest, leaving me sitting here.

There’s this little game I like to play with the new Young Avengers series called ‘Loki, no’. In it, I count how many times I tell Loki not to do something in an issue. I think I may have said it twelve times over the course of two pages in the middle, help. Anyway, the Young Avengers are on the hunt for Tommy and his…kidnapper? Vaporizer? The not-Patriot, anyway. So they run through countless dimensions searching, picking up his trail but not finding him. And so, so many of those non-616 dimensions have various members of the team going evil. Though, there is a dimension where no one goes evil! Mother’s home dimension, where they end up finding not-Patriot. Two guesses as to who said oh shit out loud. And then they end up leaving Teddy and David behind accidentally in order to fall into a land where…oh shit. I call this book Journey into Misery 2: Electric Boogaloo for a reason, y’all. Leah, whom Hela banished at the end of Loki’s run on Journey into Mystery, has made a reappearance. I am going to die a painful death. Oh, speaking of dying a painful death, I have this little feeling that Billy is going to turn David inside-out if he ever finds out about…well, see for yourselves:

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Though, I do have a theory. A few pages earlier, David reminded himself that, yes, magic existed. And for those playing the home game, Teddy is currently stressing himself out because he believes, ding ding ding, that his entire relationship with Billy is fueled by Billy’s powers. Perhaps, because he and Billy are dimensions apart, any possible sway Billy’s powers could have held over him are gone. If Teddy pushed David away and protests that it wasn’t right for him to do such a thing, their relationship is real. If not…well, I’ve had my heart broken before by a queer Marvel relationship, when Xavin had to leave Karolina to go with the Majesdanians (and I can’t believe I remembered how to spell that). Broken hearts heal.

So, level with me here, DC. You want us to legitimately ship Barry/Patty, but then you dangle Barry/Iris in front of us. The marriage that stood the test of time 1000 years into the future. The matriarch and patriarch of the Flash family. Good to know your own characters shut you down, though. If even she wasn’t directly meaning to, Iris attempted to stir the paranoia pot in regards to Patty and Barry living together…and Patty was basically, “Nope, it’s all pretty natural. Nothing scary about it.” For observant readers, Iris works on Broome street, named after John Broome, co-creator of the Barry Allen Flash and a prominent part of the Silver Age as a whole.
Then again, there is one definite “Barry, you asshole” moment this issue:

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What a beautiful bit of misdirection, Barry. Ah, but the interactions with the womenfolk are the potatoes of this issue. The real meat lies in the mystery of our big bad, the Reverse Flash. One thing we know for sure: it’s not Dr. Elias. Also, if I may take a moment to gush, the fact that he uses the plates of his Speed Force suit as projectiles is awesome. There’s an application Barry never thought of, tell you what.

And now, for our grand finale before my brain fails on me, the Brave and the Boyfriends. Bold, I meant to say bold. But really, Hal, when you refer to your first team-up as your first date, after you’re pulled from your actual man-date to the planet of the fight clubs, people tend to talk. In any case, the main story in this annual is about the first time Flash and Green Lantern worked a case together…as well as the consequences of that first team-up. Someone is snatching children from group homes, and police scientist Barry Allen is on the case! Of course, he had to choose to be on the case in Coast City, California, home of Green Lantern. There’s a moment of wacky misunderstandings, and then the two must jump into action! Though, Barry can’t just go as himself, he has to do a quick costume-change, first. As it turns out, the children are being kidnapped by space aliens from the planet of fight clubs, in order to be strapped in EVAs and sent to fight in an arena to the death. Hal makes a deal with the team leader that if they stop kidnapping children, their team will be padded with a pair of superheroes. A pity he never mentions that to Barry. It’s a good, solid story, probably my favorite Flash story since Barry came back to life. Sami Basri really kills it on the art, too. All the things that made me hate him on Power Girl have me swooning here. He’s really improved in the last couple of years!
The back-up story is also quite good, about all the little ways the Flash has touched the lives of people in Central City. Some are good, some are bad, but the one the story is based around is terrible. A woman dies before the Flash can save her, and her husband takes it hard. Years later, he attempts to take revenge. Cully Hamner’s art is a little distracting in places, but it doesn’t detract from Nicole Dubuc’s wonderful story in the least.

That was this, and last, week in comics! I’m so tired, I may decide to not wake up tomorrow. Hope to see you again, in August!

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Smooching is banned.

July 11, 2013 · Filed under Uncategorized · Tagged , , , ,

Welcome back to the den of depression, the house of feels, the ToG Blog. Tell me, friend, do you spend an hour or more every Wednesday staring in horror at the pages of the comics you’ve bought? Have you ever felt personally victimized by a writer? Do you take to the internet to kvetch about things, only to be told to ‘lol gtfoi noob’? Welcome home, friend.

The fourth print issue of Li’l Gotham came out today, and oh my gosh. I’d forgotten how cute the St. Patrick’s Day issue had been. The Easter issue is also included, with a guest appearance by Colin Wilkes. I’ve had a little thought recently, about Li’l Gotham. Why not have a Li’l DCU book? Clearly, few people are happy about the New 52 universe as a whole, why not give them a cuter, more familiar universe to read about, instead? There’s a webcomic going on right now on Tumblr called JL8, and it’s quite popular. Surely a licensed DC comic in a similar vein would be just as popular?

Speaking of feeling personally victimized by a writer, Young Avengers came out today, and I’m pretty sure that Kieron Gillen hates happiness. Allow me to back up this statement with things. As you may already be aware, Gillen’s run on Journey into Mystery is sometimes called Journey into Misery by the fans. I’ve begun to take this moniker one step further by calling his Young Avengers run Journey into Misery 2: Electric Boogaloo. Why? Because the idea that Kid Loki planted in Teddy’s head several issues back about him being in love with Billy because Billy’s reality-warping powers created him to be in love with him is shaping into a major plot point. The kid’s seeing a therapist to try and deal with the idea in their downtime, for heaven’s sake. Prince of mischief my left tit, this is straight up malevolence. Moving on a bit, what has the gang been up to since they left New York? Why, chasing down non-Skrulls (and I don’t ever want Skifflefuffles to ever appear again, because it took me five tries to type that correctly from memory), of course! Luckily, they always go back to the same diner, so David Alleyne was able to find them and tell them about Tommy. I’m going to make it my mission to find and read that series that America Chavez showed up in before the next issue comes out, because I have no idea how the hell she’s able to open up portals into the multiverse. Before I bunk off for the night, though, I feel the need to share this page, which proves that Kieron Gillen has the power to make you laugh, as well as break your heart:

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Hell yeah.

And that’s this week in comics! Avengers Arena ended with a twist, and the first issue of Trinity War came out this week

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Speedster week! Warm up your tissue boxes!

June 27, 2013 · Filed under Uncategorized · Tagged , , , ,

It’s the last week of June! Well, I’ve personally had no money this month. Between my parent’s anniversary, my mother’s birthday, my grandmother’s birthday, going up to see Matt, saving for Florida Supercon next weekend, and various living expenses, I’ve been Spider-Man broke. That being said, we’ve only got two comics to look at today. Yes, that’s right, the thrilling two-part conclusion to Batman Incorporated has been pushed forward again! Apparently, they’re planning on double shipping the issue in July. Woo.

Speedsters abound! Aside from appearing in Flash, Kid Flash also shows up in that toilet paper periodical, Teen Titans, and Flash himself finishes up his guest spot in Justice League Dark. Man, if Trinity War weren’t on the horizon, I think I’d have to start reading that book again. Jeff Lemire is truly a phenomenal writer. Anyway, this issue marked the first meeting between the only speedster the DCU has left. Now, I’m clinging tight to this theory that Scott Lobdell occasionally has conversations with competent writers, as he most likely talked to Brian Azzarello before making his creation, Lennox, Cassie’s reboot father. That being said, Francis Manapul, why. You wrote Lobdell’s Kid Flash perfectly, as though Bart’s dialogue was coming from the man himself. I’m tempted to believe that that’s exactly what happened. Lobdell’s Kid Flash is a travesty. It’s not Bart. That…thing is not Bart Allen. He’s got the personality of an irate wombat and, I’m sorry, but I thought Bart didn’t remember anything prior to waking up in a group home. Uccch. At least the art was stunning, as always. The two-page spread of them running across various landscapes was amazing, and their ‘fight’ in the Louvre was very Bart in the actions. I had such high hopes for Bart here; actual prayer may have been done to try and ensure that he wasn’t awful. Good thing I’m not religious.

It’s a bad day to have superspeed. I mean, it’s always a bad day to be a character in a Kieron Gillen comic, but I digress. So, has anyone wondered where Tommy’s been all this time? Working a boring factory job and partying, apparently. As for David Alleyne? Yeah, same. Tommy works at Hero Staffing (note to self: that’s an excellent name for a male strip club with a superhero theme) in the assembly area, while David does tech support. They’re friends. Sort of. (“We had noodles once and coffee once.” “See? Friends!”) And when someone robs their workplace in the middle of the night while dressed as Patriot, well…Image

 

 

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The hills are alive with the sound of speedster fans everywhere realizing that to love a super-fast person is to be in constant pain and misery. I’ll admit it, at this point, I’m more than a little please-sir-may-I-have-another when it comes to Gillen’s particular flavor of pain but hey, we all have our kinks. Ans what happened to David, you ask? Nothing. He refuses to put on not-Eli’s glove, so not-Eli vanishes. Trippy, if slightly unsatisfying.

I’m sorry that there wasn’t more to be said, but for the most part, the comics I picked up this week weren’t noteworthy. They were good, but nothing spun my hat. 

Hey, South Floridians! Florida Supercon is next weekend, read up on it here!

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It takes a New God to hold off an Old One. Wait, no, wrong mythos.

June 20, 2013 · Filed under Uncategorized · Tagged , , , , ,

Welcome, dear friends, to the first actual goddamn post I’ve done all month. I’m sorry, I really am. I’ve been so lazy, and it’s mainly because I’ve been generally disappointed with the cape comics scene. I’ve spent a lot of time and a bit more money than I really should have catching up on comics like Chew and Sweet Tooth, re-immersing myself in the closed-off worlds of done in one graphic novels, and just reading books again. DC has made me so frustrated with their lack of good superhero stories, that I’ve gone and sought outside sources. Heaven help me, I’m even reading a couple of X-titles again.
But today is a good day.
I’m always pleased to have my ladies week, and another favorite book is even on the roster, today!

It seems like DC doesn’t know what to do with Animal Man these days. It’s almost like…they don’t want the book to succeed. Between moving the release date of the issue from the first week of the month to the third and the fact that they’re in the habit of not soliciting the title on their website until the week of release. Seriously. It’s quite frustrating. Then there’s the stuff that’s actually happening within the title itself. Cliff dying, Ellen taking Maxine and leaving, the Red ejecting Buddy while allowing him to keep his powers, Maxine stepping into the role of Animal Girl…it’s been a busy few months since the end of Rotworld. And it’s not looking to slow down anytime soon! This issue has Buddy suiting up again to look for the abducted pets of local residents, with disturbing results. Meanwhile, Maxine agrees to begin her training within the Red, so long as she’s allowed to look for her brother’s essence as she works. But the most interesting thing, to me at least, is the random insertions of the points of view of regular citizens via DC’s version of Twitter. Hardcore Animal Man fans, media gossips, haters, and normal folks posting their #animalman sightings, all chiming in on the current events in our hero’s life. Not since the early days of Booster Gold and the New Teen Titans have we seen the media be so omnipresent in the life of a superhero. Could random paparazzi attacks be more hazardous than fighting actual supervillains? Only time will tell.

It’s a little disheartening to see just how easily tricked Kara is. I mean, I understand why she’s so easy to fool, but it’s still upsetting. She’s a girl alone, adrift in a universe full of strangers, her only relation a baby cousin that’s outgrown her and treats her like a child. She’s fresh-off-the-boat in the most cosmic sense, and until recently, she wasn’t even able to speak the common tongue of her newly chosen homeland. So yeah, anyone who offers to give her back even the tiniest piece of Krypton is going to be accepted with open arms. Wide open, incredibly naive arms. This time around, it’s a robotic planet called I’noxia. When given the right amount of information, this planet and its inhabitants can become any planet and people they choose. And to a girl dying of Kryptonite poisoning, the idea of spending her final days among her people must seem pretty sweet…even if the planet itself is controlled by a robotic version of her cousin. A Cyborg Superman, if you will. Also in this issue is the always-interesting Siobhan, whose main nemesis these days seems to be a rogue toilet clogged by a rude neighbor. You give him hell, honey. As always, Supergirl makes for an enjoyable read, and now is as good a time as any to jump on, what with this being the first issue of a new story.

You know you’ve got a good comic when it can make you laugh out loud one moment, piss you right the hell off the next, and end on a note that about makes you pee with excitement. Oh, hello Wonder Woman. Were your ears burning? So, right then. We’ve got a godly dog pile on our hands, and the bottom pup is named Firstborn. Woof. Diana, Lennox, and even Orion can’t put a dent in this guy. Then again, he’s a god. He’s the firstborn child of Zeus and Hera, the rightful heir to the throne of heaven. And he wants to destroy the world. Worse, he has the power to actually do it…so long as he’s got his bouncing baby prophecy-fulfilling brother on his side. Gonna be honest, I’m glad the months and months of barely-there plot concerning this guy finally came to a head and kicked off an actual storyline. And now to the bad news. A moment of silence, friends, for my favorite New 52 character, Lennox. It’s highly unlikely that he’s dead, but on the off chance that tumbling through a Boom Tube to kick the Firstborn right in his grizzled and scarred (yet somehow still conventionally attractive) mug didn’t off him, well, I don’t foresee him spending much longer among the living. Not if Cassandra, yet another sibling with a revengerection pointed directly at him, has anything to say about it. Oh! Actually! Speaking of! Blonde woman, with the metal throat? That’s Cassandra. He actually raised her from the time she was young, after she accidentally killed her mother. He was the one that ripped her throat out, after it became apparent that she wasn’t the type of person who should have the power to command obedience from anyone who hears her voice. So, he raised her, and then he abandoned her, this blonde woman named Cassandra. HM, I DO WONDER. Oh right, and then the Wonder crew ends up on New Genesis. I’ll give you three guesses on who I hope to see next issue, and the first two don’t count.

(it’s Big Barda and Mister Miracle, that’s who I want to see)

You know, it usually annoys me when a title sets up a big cliffhanger on which they plan to begin a new storyline…and then takes a break for an issue to focus on something else entirely. But not today, and not with Batwoman. Why? Because how often do we really get stories focusing on Killer Croc where he doesn’t come out of it looking like a punch line? This issue…I’m reminded of the Killer Croc issue from the second Joker’s Asylum mini. In both, his motivation for action is the love of a woman. In both, he comes off as human, rather than the monster he’s usually shown to be. Underneath the skin condition, Waylon Jones is still a human being, though since his brush with Medusa, he’s so much more. With Abbot dead, Waylon is chosen to be the next leader of the Church of Crime’s animal men, so long as he avenges their fallen by killing Batwoman. He doesn’t succeed, of course, but still manages to get away and assert his dominance as their new leader, anyway. His first act? Get the hell out of dodge and settle down someplace that will be safe for all of the remaining animal men. Good job, Waylon. That’s sure using your noodle.

And that’s this week in comics! Also out this week is Vibe, which I managed to miss yet again because I’m too fucking nice and gave the last copy, that I was literally holding in my hand, to an older gentleman who only gets out to the shops every few months. Sigh. Also of note, the latest issue of Green Lantern: New Guardians is out, and with it comes an Indigo ring, for those planning on collecting the new ring line. It’s fairly late now, and the rain is making me sleepy. I’ll see y’all back here next week for Flash, Young Avengers, and Batman Inc!

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A woman’s house is her foe. Fortress. Wait, what was that first thing again?

May 16, 2013 · Filed under Uncategorized · Tagged , , , ,

DC, we need to have a serious talk about your priorities. As some of you may already be aware of, DC announced its decision to cancel Dial H and Demon Knights yesterday.

Monday, I decided that I was going to start reading Demon Knights, because so many people have recommended it to me.

But really, that’s neither here nor there right now. It’s the third week of the month, which means, you guessed it, ladies week is back! I really get excited for this day, you know. I mean, I’d prefer it if the titles were more spread out, rather than lumping them all together on one day, but it gives me a nifty way to coin it, so I’ll not complain.

First up, Supergirl! If there’s one thing to be said about Supergirl, when your sidekick is a sassy talking house, you can’t be doing too poorly. Until, that is, said house decides that you’re a clone and tries to kill you. That one can kind of lead to a pretty bad day. So, Sanctuary is the villain of this issue! Poor Kara, the girl just can’t catch a break. So, good things about this issue: the dialogue between Kara and Peeg is very natural and relaxed, even when it’s very obvious that Kara is under a lot of stress. I hope this leads to more interactions between my favorite Super-women. Then again, Helena and Damian met a few times, and that ended sort of…yeah. Bad things about this issue: They were fighting a…you know what? No. That’s awesome. It’s silly and campy, and it shows off both Kara’s strength and tactical brilliance, when she puts her mind to it. Supergirl fought her house in this month’s issue of her series, and it was fantastic.

So, I feel like I should mention, Lennox is Cassie Sandsmark’s father. It’s pretty obvious that the creative teams on Wonder Woman and Teen Titans communicate, because there’s no way that a panel like this:

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(from Teen Titans #19) could exist without that happening. Why do I mention that? Because Lennox really hates taking care of kids. No, lemme rephrase that. He seems to hate being responsible for lives other than his own. He’s a brawler, but ever since Diana ‘joined the family’, he’s been playing babysitter. Whether it’s for Zola, her baby, Zeke, or even Hera, he’s been having to watch out for someone weaker than himself, and it’s driving him crazy. Now, some of you may be wondering why I’m talking so much about Lennox, when this issue barely has him in it at all. Well, he’s basically my favorite character to come out of the reboot, and I feel like I never talk about him. The meat of this issue of Wonder Woman has Diana beating the crap out of her older sister, Artemis (as in the moon, not the blonde Amazon that was Wonder Woman for ten minutes once), and then some more politics among gods. It’s a good, solid issue that showcases both the strength and cunning of our protagonist, while setting up the next issue at the final pages. The Firstborn is finally entering the fracas! Oh, and as it turns out? The woman he’s been chilling with is family, too! Man, I remember hearing that in Greek mythology, you couldn’t swing a dead cat without hitting one of Zeus’ kids, but damn!

I feel like I haven’t been talking up Batwoman enough, lately. Wonder Woman is about a family of gods, so I feel like it’s always a good idea to end on a family of mortals, and there’s no one out there more mortal than Kate Kane. Her sister, on the other hand…but I’ll get to that. The triumph of Batwoman is that it exists. No, really. How many books with female leads have been cancelled since the beginning of the reboot? How many books have come and gone, yet this one persists…and thrives. It doesn’t hurt that the story itself is based almost entirely in pre-reboot canon, and that aside from bearing the name and the logo of the Bat, Kate has very little to do with him. The series hasn’t crossed over with any other book yet, so far, though characters from other books have come in to play. Batwoman, as a series, is a standalone book that sells. It’s usually in the top 100 comics on any given month, and its creative team is exclusive to it. Batwoman is a prime example of DC doing a book right the first time (though if I’m being perfectly honest, I really do miss Amy Reeder on the art). Onto this issue. The DEO’s reason for entering Kate’s life is finally reaching its endgame. In exchange for the privacy of her family, and her recently-reborn sister, Batwoman is going to unmask the Batman. The Batwoman family joins together for the first time, and Christ on a bike, this new arc is going to be incredible.

My wrists are dead from five hours of typing (don’t ask), my brain is dead from three hours of sorting, and I really, really hope that all of this made some semblance of sense. I’ll be seeing y’all next week when we take a look at Flash, Batman Inc, and Young Avengers. 

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This just in: Buddy Baker to appear in the next season of Dancing With the Stars

May 2, 2013 · Filed under Uncategorized · Tagged , , , , ,

Breathe deep, folks. It’s May. We’ve only got a few days before it loses that new-month smell. Of course, this also means that it’s a one-book week and- hold on. Who said new Gail Simone-penned series? Who said? DC said? Well, alright then.

It’s movie time, again! Remember waaaay back in issue 6, where we got to “see” the first half of Buddy’s superhero movie, Tights? Well, fourteen issues later, we get to see the rest of it. Frankly, I thought it was a nice break. We get to see Buddy in his first profession, actor, and his current profession, superhero in mourning. Oh, and guess what? He’s been nominated for an Oscar! Neat, right? While I’m still dying to see Buddy and Ellen get back together, and have Maxine back in the comic, I think I can settle for this.

I’m going to get my classiest comment out of the way first thing: The Movement sounds like a trip to the toilet. There we go. I’m done. Prop me up on the cross on your way out. Now, then. I had high hopes for The Movement. Gail Simone does great work with mainstream heroes, her Birds of Prey run being one of my favorite runs on anything of all time, but her best work is off the beaten path. Her Gen 13 reboot, her Secret Six reboot, her Rose and Thorn reboot, her creator-owned series Welcome to Tranquility…I can go on. Since DC took a paint roller to their whole universe, Gail Simone has suffered. Creatively, I mean, not monetarily. Probably.
I mean, Batgirl is the most popular and best-selling female-lead title, and I don’t doubt that Ms. Simone’s popularity as a writer hurt that fact. I mean, the woman was kicked off the title, then reinstated within a week of her canning. That’s fan power, right there. In any case, aside from Batgirl, which I gave up reading long ago, Gail has worked on Fury of Firestorm  for six issues…and that’s it. Keep in mind, she’s been working for DC exclusively for several years, and only now that her contract has expired is she even allowed to accept writing gigs from other comic companies (she’ll be writing Red Sonja for Dynamite starting this year), yet she’s been sorely underused. Let me put it this way: in 2012, Rob Liefeld and Scott Lobdell had more to do at DC than Gail Simone did. Yeah. Think about that.
Now, onto The Movement. What is it? I…have no idea. Is it a super-team? Is it an ersatz Anonymous for the DC Universe? I mean, it’s obviously something, but what? 
Okay. So, there’s this thing called Channel M. Using technologically advanced…camera masks? They watch for corruption in the police force and crime on the streets. The masks then summon the super-team, The Movement. The Movement is made up of four teenagers so far: The rat-summoning Mouse, the emotion-reading Virtue, the winged, hard-punching badass Katharsis, and…holy shit, is that Tremor, from Secret Six? That’s totally a de-aged Tremor! Simone, you sneak!
Right then! If this first issue is anything to go by, The Movement is about stopping corruption and protecting your own neighborhood, by any means possible. I can roll with that.

And that was this week in comics! Hawkeye also flew onto, and off of, the new stand this week, and it looks like we’ve got a new villain origin in it! Tune in next week for- uh. Oh. Well. I dropped Batman, as well as Batman and Robin, Superboy, Suicide Squad, and Threshold. I, I don’t think anything is coming out from Marvel, either? Hm.

Tune in next week for some kind of rant that I pull directly from my brain at the last minute, most likely while intoxicated!

Yeesh, that’s sure professional. 

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Dr. Langstrom, or how I learned to stop worrying and drink heavily to forget things that happen in Batman Incorporated.

April 25, 2013 · Filed under Uncategorized · Tagged , , , , , , ,

And so we send off the month of April! A rather tumultuous month, we’ve seen shakeups in the Super-family, watched Batman slip quickly into insanity, and cheered as Diana continued to be awesome. As far as consistent quality goes, April has been…well. I made the executive decision to drop Batman and Batman and Robin from my pull list, because I am very much done with this nonsense. Glory ended, the few Marvel books I read continued their way up my list of favorites, we lost Carmine Infantino…it was a very varied month. Still, we’ve got three more books to look at before I can put April to rest, so let’s get to them.

Batman Inc was cancelled earlier this month. The tenth issue never came out, and we will never get closure on this Leviathan story that’s been building for over four years.
…
Okay, I’m lying. Batman Inc has been cancelled as of the 13th issue, where Grant Morrison will be ending his chapter in the history of Batman. There are three more issues following this one. Ha. Hahaha. I don’t want to live anymore.
Now, I know what that sounds like, but I probably don’t mean it the way you’re thinking. Batman Inc is a book of various levels of quality. The entire first series of it was…not great. The transitioning book, Leviathan Strikes, was fantastic. The second series, the one we’re in now, has had its high points (the return of Matches Malone! Damian teaming up with Jason as Redbird and Wingman! Ranger/Squire!), and it’s low, low points. Damian’s death was the lowest it could possibly get. A child was brutally killed. Knight’s death in the previous issue, tragic as it was, just couldn’t compare. This book could go nowhere but up. And this tenth issue has proven that theory.
Sort of.
Azrael makes a cameo! Kirk Langstrom makes a cameo! Bruce is forced to go head to head with Talia! The woman Hood brought Jason to is..! Okay, I could be wrong about this (my friends call me Nostradamus), but I think it’s Kathy Kane. Look at how her girls are dressed, look at the Spyral symbol in the background of their lair:

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Kathy. Kane. 
There are other interesting parts of this issue, such as Talia exerting her control over the Damian clone, and her interactions with her father, as well as her punishment of the Leviathan followers who shot at Damian. Actually, forget about the other stuff that happened in this issue, Talia freaking stole it all. This woman is badass. She has a goal: Destroy the man who fathered her child and broke her heart. That’s it. Everything else she’s done with Leviathan is inconsequential to her so long as Batman goes down, along with the city he serves. I can tell that Morrison is trying to play up the crazy, insecure bitch angle, especially during her conversation with Ra’s, but I’m not buying it. Talia al Ghul is determined to drag the world down to hell…and I’m kind of rooting for her.

Hey, who wants to get their heart broken?! Now I know why a friend of mine called Journey into Mystery Journey into Misery. Kieron Gillen shouldn’t have this kind of power, he’s just using it for evil. Take for example, “How do you know you’re not just the result of your boyfriend’s latent reality warping abilities in their earliest form, Teddy?” Loki no. That’s not cool. Nothing about this issue is cool. Nothing. Okay, y’all caught me in another lie. Kate and Noh-Varr finally show up, and damn if they aren’t the coolest. Now, I was always rooting for Kate and Eli to work out as a couple, but this is good, too.
By the way, thanks for confirming that you never tapped Clint, Noh. That’s information we sorely needed.
Still, I’ve been a Marvel Boy fan for, uh, about as long as there’s been a Marvel Boy, honestly. I loved his mini series back in 2000, I loved his appearance in the Civil War crossover with the Runaways and the Young Avengers, I just really, really enjoy him as a character. Everything I’ve read him in has caused his character to grow and evolve, finally reaching what we see here: A music dork with a bangin’ booty. Excuse me, an awesome music dork with a bangin’ booty, my apologies. 
In this issue, pretty much everyone gets a ‘moment’. Noh-Varr beats up Mom’s people, Kate has her plasma bow, Miss America gets more than one great one-liner, Loki and Hulkling have their little discussion…unfortunately, Billy’s moment is the one where he fucks everything up. Kinda par for the course of this series, so far. So, Billy agrees to lend Loki his powers for ten minutes, and Loki gets the Hel out of dodge, leaving everyone else stranded there. I honestly don’t know what any of you were expecting, it’s Loki.

Saving the best for last, aw yeah. But am I? Am I really? No, I totally am. The Flash was awesome this month, and not just because it was the second issue of the two-part Trickster story. Basically, the premise is that Barry has to navigate Iron Heights without his speed, aided only by weapons that formerly belonged to his Rogues. And here’s the kicker: he doesn’t actually know how to use most of them. Oh, and the reason he’s even in Iron Heights is because he’s trying to prove that the Trickster didn’t kill anyone and get him released legally before Axel’s friends break him out of prison.
How has this comic not simply materialized in your hands from the sheer want of it? Come on, now.
Okay! So, watching Barry try and figure out how Mark’s, sorry, Marco’s weather wand works is about an eight on the scale of hilarity. He proves to be pretty good at working Axel’s stuff, though. Instructions: pull pin. Throw. Run away. Oh yeah, and I should probably mention, Albert, one of the guys that was in the Speed Force for several weeks, is in this issue, too. He’s on the cover, actually. Anyway, his power is to amp things up to eleven by touching them. Um. AHEM. Well, I have about fifty different ways I could turn that into a dirty joke, but I think I’ll go the classier route and just shut the hell up. So, what do you call a speedless Flash and a kid named Turbocharger when they go up against an entire prison, as well as a few dozen desert-dwellers? An ambulance…for the other guys! Turbocharger saves the day by boosting up one of Len’s old cold guns for Barry, which actually leads to Barry discovering who really committed the crime Axel was jailed for…another Speed Force-powered civilian named Marissa! Of course, Barry gets his speed back in the end, and learns about where it probably went via the Watchtower computer, but the story isn’t over yet. In the last two pages, drawn by Francis Manapul, we get our first real look at the new Reverse Flash! Aw, and we also say goodbye to Turbocharger. I liked the four issues you appeared in, guy.
This issue of Flash was worth its cover price and more. Especially because Axel, bless his apparently white cotton socks, actually took the time to go, “Hey, I know this guy. The bartender. What are you doing here?” and not drop the subject. Ladies and gentlemen, Axel Walker grew a brain. And is probably the height he used to be billed as (5’7″), if his height next to Barry is any indication. Hm, y’know, it just occurred to me. Did Axel ever get out of jail? That was never really made clear. The guys who were trying to break him out got jailed, and Marissa probably got arrested, but what about Axel? He was pretty determined to not leave without his stuff, so…maybe he’s still in there? Oh honey, you’re too pretty for jail, now.

And that was this week in comics! If you would kindly direct your attention to the past, Booster Gold is currently appearing in All-Star Western. Superman Family Adventures ended today, Flash guest-starred in Justice League Dark, Avenger’s Arena came out again (?), and. God, this is something I actually have to yell about, hold on.

NONE OF YOU CAN COMPREHEND HOW FUCKING ANGRY THE FIRST PAGE OF THIS MONTH’S TEEN TITANS IS MAKING ME

I LITERALLY BOUGHT THE ISSUE TODAY BECAUSE I’M NOT PUTTING IT DOWN UNTIL I CAN FIGURE OUT WHOSE LIMBS AND TORSOS GO WHERE, AND THE COMIC SHOP WAS CLOSING

LOOK AT THIS SHIT, WHAT THE HELL

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WHAT IS THAT

FIRE THIS ARTIST, WHAT THE HELL. I’m Touch of Grey, I’m irrationally angry over things, goodnight.

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