Posts tagged Secret Six

A moment of silence for the fallen: Adventure Comics and Secret Six say goodnight.

August 4, 2011 · Filed under Uncategorized · Tagged , , , , , , , , ,

Well, we’re at the beginning of the end here, folks. This is the fist week of the last month of DC’s history. Starting in September, everything will change. We’ve got seven books this week, two of which are final issues. Shall we begin?

As always, Flashpoint and its minis will be reviewed as one.
Oh, Flashpoint, you fantastic pile of shit. We get a more in-depth look at ‘Captain Thunder’ and his hosts in the next to last issue of Flashpoint. Oh, and apparently Barry Allen in this world is comparable to Layla Miller in House of M. Seriously, when Billy touched him, he regained some of his old memories. Huh. Whatever you say, Geoff Johns. Well, I guess all I can say is that I understand why there isn’t going to be a Shazam in the new DCU. RIP, Billy Batson, you were fucked over royally. The last few pages of this issue are just fighting, fighting, exposition, and oh look! It’s Eobard Thawne! About damn time he showed up. I give this issue a 2 of 5. Could have been better, but frankly, the only really interesting things in this issue were the sketch pages in the back.

Okay, what?! First he goes from being all “Durr, I don’t know anything about this chick who saved my ass, not even how old she is derr” while watching her shower, then there are makeouts between Deathstroke and Jenny Blitz? Comic, I’m turning the page now. This better be gone when I turn the page. Ugh, thankyou. What is it with Slade and his fucked up pedo thing for teenage girls? What the hell, DC? His things with Terra, Batgirl, and his own damn daughter were implied at best, so you decided to beat the questions and just announce that they’re banging during this scene change? Thanks for that. Someone get my brain bleach. Anyway, after a few pages of exposition and fight scenes, Rose is saved and Deathstroke apparently has a harem of ladies now. And thus was the tale of Deathstroke the pirate. Yarr.

World of Flashpoint had a bit of a disappointing ending. I mean, it was interesting, but it wasn’t really all that great. Traci’s father has been using dark magic, she teleports herself into the middle of a battlefield, they reconcile, she gets hit by a killing blow but the Earth itself heals her, then her dad stops the satellite he himself built and Traci loses all her magic? The simple fact that I could describe the whole issue in a sentence is just a tribute to how…dull this issue was. Sorry, Traci 13, but you were very boring this month.
We now return you to your scheduled programming.

Gates of Gotham got weird this month. So, one of the original architects of Gotham City built a steamgear suit in order to become Gotham’s first supervillian and get revenge on the city’s royalty? Okay, if you say so. At least Cass gets a few good lines this issue.

And so ends Adventure Comics, not with a whimper, but with a NOOOO face. Seriously, this issue had an overabundance of noooooo moments. At least five. Like World of Flashpoint, it wasn’t a bad issue, it just had the capacity to be better. It was a series of fight pages followed by two deaths and a character quitting the Legion Academy to follow his…boyfriend? This is how little I remember of the last issue, I can’t recall who this Jedidiah Tel is talking about is supposed to be. The Legion Academy issues of Adventure Comics mostly went over my head, as they were a concept of something that wasn’t in the Legion I grew up reading, which was the first Reboot. I’ve only managed to find Legion issues that predate the Giffen series recently and while I’ve enjoyed those, I’ve also found them sort of silly, and out of date, which is sort of the point. Anyway, what I’m trying, and failing, to convey is this: I will not miss Adventure Comics as much as I’ll miss other parts of this DCU. Sorry.

Okay, 18 pages of exposition, 9 pages of ads, and 2 pages of Kon actually being in the panels. And it ends on a cliffhanger. Is there going to be a second issue of Superboy this month that no one told me about?

Ow. No, seriously. Ow. You just hit me right in the emotions, Gail. And it hurt like hell. This is the last issue of Secret Six, the comic that, for the last three years, has been my self-confessed favorite current book. They’ve gone to hell and back together, fallen in love, beaten the shit out of each other, but most of all, they’ve been a family. A fucked up, mildly incestuous family. And this last book had it all. Bane getting laid. Catman and Deadshot admitting that they’re bros. Scandal getting married- to both Kay and Liana. Jeanette being generally awesome. And then you let Lawton aim for my heart. Fully surrounded by heroes. No way out. Huntress letting herself be taken hostage to try and dissuade them. Bane offering his team, his family, a chance to go down fighting. And they took the venom. And, and they went down fighting. God, I can’t emotions right now, guys. I can’t. Kay reaching for Scandal’s hand as she died, calling her ‘wife’…I just can’t. I loved this book, this team. Not counting the two six-issue minis that started it all, and the few appearances in the first Birds of Prey series, the Secret Six had 36 issues of pure awesome, topped with love, war, and ultimately, death. It’s a book I’ll miss like crazy. Well done Gail. Well done, everyone.

That was this week in comics, I think I’ve earned a little mourning period. So until next week, this is Touch of Grey, signing off. Peace be with you.

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It’s a good week to be a Jason Todd fan

July 7, 2011 · Filed under Uncategorized · Tagged , , , , , , , , ,

Seven books this week, guys and dolls! And since I’ve cut a great deal of Flashpoint out of my life, only two minis and the main aside from my regular lineup. Oh, and something about the finale of the Red Hood arc in Batman and Robin..? Let’s begin.

As always, Flashpoint is going to be one big review.
In the main book, oh, what a surprise. Barry’s alive. Yaaay. Oh, yeah, and Victor, despite being the #1 heroic figure in the country, is no longer sanctioned to actually try to save the world. Whaaat the fuck. Back on the Flash side of things, Barry manages to convince Thomas to get him back up to the roof and, of course, the second lightning bolt manages to restore his speed. And then he…sews a new costume. Oh look, we’re getting into a round of Comic Book Science! Blah blah blah Speed Force, blah blah NegaForce (Sailor Zoom?). Now we’re back to Barry talking about the old Earth, being a shipper, looking for Superman yatata yatata…I swear, I am so bored reading this book. So Barry and Thomas have enlisted Cyborg to break into…Cadmus? Maybe. And- wait. What.
Is, is that the skeleton of Krypto?! What the fuck, Flashpoint?!
I have a prediction. They’re letting ‘Subject 1’ out into daylight for the first time. He wasn’t raised by the Kents. He wasn’t raised by anyone. I, I don’t think Superman is going to be a good guy.
Orrr he could turn bitch and run. Superman, everybody!
In the second issue of the Abin Sur mini, we start with a flashback from Sinestro’s training days, and how he met Abin Sur’s sister. Huh, this training sequence looks familiar. Didn’t we just see it in Thaal’s fist spar against Hal in the Green Lantern movie? I see what you did there, comic. Oh, I love how the U.S. government is always villainized as controlling of the things they don’t understand. Mainly because, well, it’s true. But yes. And now Abin works for the government! Man, Sinestro is forever the bad guy, isn’t he? Is that how this works? Sinestro = power hungry bad guy, no matter the universe? Because frankly, that sucks.
It’s teleport time in World of Flashpoint! After Madame Xanadu dies (?!) in Traci’s arms, she is sent off to find people to make a team. First up is the corpse of T.O. Morrow, next is Natasha Irons, who seems to have an arm made of (I assume) Steel, who is fighting Nazis in Brazil. Way to stereotype, comic! Then she finds Gar Logan, almost completely animalistic (who remembers Future Gar from Teen Titans? Rex Ogle does!), but she leaves him to protect Africa, to a degree. Well, at least we know that Guy Gardner is still okay. He’s in Australia, running a bar, and that’s where Traci goes next. I’m sensing a trend here. If the end moral is that Traci has to fight her battles alone, I’m going to be both torqued and pleased. It’s always nice to have an empowering female character, but teasing readers with the chance for a Natasha-Gar-Traci-Guy team is just cruel.
OH MY GOD JASON TODD IS A PRIEST.
I am expecting so much fanfic to come out of this. Please. Please. I love that this is a thing now, can you tell? Oh and by the way, I was right. I also love it when I’m right.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled comics.

In Adventure Comics, boobies! No, seriously. Lydda, you have an owl on your chest, why did you need a boob window? Because the leftover pieces of owl look like nipples. Bad fashion choices in the 31st century! I know most of this issue seems to be of the Academy students bitching about not getting into the Legion, but I can’t stop laughing at Lydda. Apparently, her boob window costume was ceremonial or something, because in her battle costume, while the window is still sort of there, the owl’s eye holes are also windows! Oh god, look at your choices, Lydda.

Okay, so I was wrong. The city under the Earth isn’t Limbo Town, but the even more ridiculously named town of Hollowville. Which is full of zombies. Okay. And once again, I was right about something. This is starting to get sad. Stop being so predictable, comics. But yes, Psionic Lad was sent back in time to kill Simon, who will apparently go evil some time in the future. And then the comic takes a turn for the weird when Parasite attacks Psionic Lad…somehow, the sorcerer from when Smallville was founded attacks Superboy, and the Phantom Stranger has been captive down below for a while, which means the guy with Superboy is…someone else? Comic, make a little sense, please? Please?

The Secret Six is up to eight members now, and I think they’re miserable. Don’t get me wrong, I’m entertained, but the characters themselves…after being released from hell, Knockout is a broken Fury. She doesn’t want anything, even her former beloved. Bane is itching to fight, as is Catman, but they don’t want to settle for each other. Ragdoll is…oddly quiet. Scandal worries for her love. Jeanette and Deadshot bang. A lot. And King Shark, well, he’s a shark. Seriously, between his introduction into the series and this issue, King Shark seems to have undergone a lobotomy. But onto the focus of the issue. Bane wants to break the Bat by breaking his children (shippers please note, Thomas called a hands-off on Huntress). They’re recruiting his villains against him. And you know what? I’m looking forward to the outcome.

Batman and Robin #25 is everything I want in life. No, I mean it. It’s drawn well, written well (Winiiiiick?), Jason is both bantery and naked in the span of only a few pages, and it ends with, well, a bittersweet happy ending. This was a great end to a good arc. Winick, I consider this your apology for Generation Lost.

And that was this week in comics! If you’re not yet following me on Tumblr, my screenname is touchofgrey37. Spamming your dash daily with Jason Todd and fandom things. Wait, that was me giving y’all a good reason not to follow me. Anyway, my laptop is about to crap out, so I think I’ll have to end this. See y’all next week!

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And so we enter the first week of the Flashpointpocalypse…

June 1, 2011 · Filed under Uncategorized · Tagged , , , , , , ,

It’s a ridiculously Flashpoint-filled week. No, really. Four mini-series’ begin, plus the second issue of the main series is on the chopping block today. As for any major crossover event with multiple tie-ins, I enter skeptical and let the books impress me as I read. Do they deserve praise? Only time will tell.

The first mini, Batman: Knight of Vengeance, is kind of a dud. Thomas Wayne runs a casino, and apparently has the Penguin working for him. Oh, and he hates James Gordon, except the commish seems to know he’s Batman. I’m confused. This seems to be a world where Batman kills commonly (Ivy, Hush, Scarecrow, and now Killer Croc are shown to be dead), while carrying the guilt of his dead family around like a weight. So, dad is almost exactly like sonny boy, except for the whole ‘killing’ thing. I see. Whelp, the crazy tree grows strong in the Wayne family. Next!

Secret Seven is an arcana book featuring Shade the Changing Man and Enchantress. Uh, pass.

Sinestro, why do you have a crotch arrow? Whose idea was that in the costume design? Because it wasn’t the best idea. I can’t take you seriously now. Then again, the more things change…it seems Thaal and Abin Sur’s sister Arin were once an item in this universe, too. Perhaps that means Soranik Natu exists? That would be cool. Okay, so, different Corps exist in this world? I mean, the Black Lanterns obviously exist, the White Entity exists, Atrocitus is wearing a uniform of the Red Corps, Abin Sur’s ship was hit by some form of violet energy…but there’s no sign of the Blue or Indigo yet, and since Sinestro is still a Green…okay, this title intrigues me. I’ll pick it up.

So I was a little skeptical about the World of Flashpoint book- until I saw who it was going to be about. A book featuring Traci 13? Yes and more yes! I loved this book. Honestly loved it. It gave a more in-depth look to the way the world works in this new pecking order, and I couldn’t be more thrilled about that. And then there’s my girl herself. Traci 13 has been a character I’ve adored since she ran around with an iguana calling herself Girl 13 in Action Comics. My love for her strengthened through the Blue Beetle series, and her involvement in the Coven second feature in Teen Titans only confirmed my adoration. She’s an incredible character, this was an interesting first issue, and I’m going to shut up now before my gushing gets annoying. Actually, wait. So, Adeline Kane is alive in this world?! And Slade is too…what about Grant, Joey, and Rose? Where are they? Now I’m done.

Annd Slade is a pirate. Well, this is getting off to a classy start. So this issue is about Barry trying to convince Batman that the world they live in is wrong, which he does, and then try to get his speed back…which he does not. Sorry, but I’m not seeing anything good about this book so far, though the design sketches by Andy Kubert were pretty cool.

Weird Worlds is a prelude to a new ongoing. Fantastic.

I’m not too big a person to admit that the Static Shock Special made me cry. I watched every episode of the Static Shock cartoon, and I have a good chunk of the Static comics, as well as the trade of Rebirth of the Cool. He was an intelligent character that kept me interested in his book and made me laugh, what more could I ask for, right? I have very little right to talk about how Dwayne McDuffie influenced me as a writer, even though he did, because at the time of his death, I refused to accept that he was gone. He was an amazing writer, and an amazing person, not afraid to push boundaries or compromise his integrity. He created amazing things, both characters and team lineups, and crafted stories that made you give a damn. He was an amazing man, is an amazing man, and he will be missed.

Grava annoys me. I usually like the Academy stories, to a degree, but Comet Queen is just…irritating. Ah well, I think next month we’re going to learn more about Glorinth, so that’s nice.

Okay, is it just me, or did Kon and Simon stumble into Limbo Town? Because the zombie farm workers (Grundymen), the witchcraft-based society (Sheeda)…c’mon now. I know I’m just a simple girl from the Blue Rafters, but even I can make a damn connection.

Secret Six is one of those titles that I can’t not like. The hell storyline was disturbing, yes, but it was still quality. And now the aftermath. Liana is safe and Knockout is out of hell, so whom will Scandal choose? Or is this going to turn into an amazing threesome the likes of which DC has never seen? And then there’s Bane’s new girlfriend. Wherever they live has some amazing strippers, if they’re just willing to accept that their mates of choice fucking kill people every now and then.

That was this week in comics, and I actually enjoyed quite a bit of it. Not all of it, no, not with so much Flashpoint invading my senses, but maybe half of it. I’ll see y’all next week.

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May the 4th be with you, always.

May 5, 2011 · Filed under Uncategorized · Tagged , , , , , , , , ,

A frightfully small week, sadly. Five books, and not a stinker amongst them…I hope. Shall we?

Lobo, why do you look so surprised that S’Glayne’s father shot him? Or is that a look of horror..? You are the Main Man, grow a pair and just shoot him! Garbageman, I skip over. As always. As for the Tanga story…hey, remember Za? He’s a creeper. And he has his own alien harem. Run Tanga! Run away!

If I can take anything away from this issue of JSA: All-Stars, it’ll be the imae of King Chimera glaring at over-talkative nerds on the bus. The short saga of the Prince comes to a close not with a whimper, but with a bang. And holy shit, what a bang. He took out most of upstate New York! I really love the character of Roxy. She’s just so…awesome.

And so comes the end of the Legion Academy story. Grave-defiling, theft, jackassery…yeah, this crop of recruits is going to be just fab. Can you smell that sarcasm? As for the Jenni story…well, the less said about that the better. She’s not a member of the Legion, she’s refusing to join their Academy, and she’s tracing the roots of her family back to ancient times. And the entire thing was wrapped up in eight pages. I am so goddamn angry right now, y’all have no idea.

So, Superboy is evil again? I’m just looking at the cover and…red eyes, burning Kent farm, heavy eyeliner…kind of screams evil to me, folks. Hmm. Evil Superboy, every superhuman dead, Luthor brainwashing? No. Oh, I see now. Black Mercy plants! Oh, plot devices from the 80s, how I adore thee. But this art…ugh, so not my thing.

Okay, I’m going to take a minute to make a comparison. Lately, the Secret Six book has reminded me of The Walking Dead. No, I’m not saying they both have zombies, don’t be ridiculous. They both showcase all the ugliness of humanity, yes, but they both also follow a very specific pattern. Just when you think everything is going to be alright, WHUMP, an whole pile of shit falls on the main characters. This issue, after fighting the hordes of hell to win back her lover, Knockout, we finally hear someone address the issue of the fact that Scandal’s other girlfriend has been fucking kidnapped and put through the straight camp of doom. How has it taken this long? I mean, Scandal isn’t heartless, she really cares for this other chick. But…Knockout is supposedly her true love. Can she really choose one life over another? But at the same time, she should ask herself this question: would she fight all of hell to save Liana? Frankly, I doubt it. She blows off hot lesbian sex with a six foot tall redheaded stripper (which seems to be her type) in order to go to hell and drag back her ex. Sorry Liana, but I think you’ve been dumped.

And that was this week in comics. Don’t forget, Saturday May 7th is Free Comic Book Day at comic shops around the nation! As for today, well, May the 4th be with you! I’ll catch y’all later, dinner beckons.

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Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful, hate me because I can erase you from existence.

April 7, 2011 · Filed under Uncategorized · Tagged , , , , , , , ,

Very small week, very small. Four books and- wait, what’s that, in the distance? Is it, could it be..? Avengers: The Children’s Crusade! Oh man! I’ve been reading up on this series since I found out it existed, but this is going to be my first time holding an issue in my hands. My excitement, I don’t think it has a level.

Oh fail train, why aren’t you over yet? Okay, so, basic premise of this issue: Party in Star City forest, undead folks only. And then…really? Really, DC? This is the big climax? Four newly-made elementals fighting a giant Black Lantern tree? And the Earth’s ultimate savior is Swamp Thing? Okay. This is me throwing in the towel. You win, Fail Train. I give up.

JSA: All-Stars really confused me this month. But then again, the two-issue arc is going to be about changing the time stream so…let’s just pretend it didn’t happen?

It’s official, Tanga is the only decent part of Weird Worlds. The Lobo short was just…strange. and Garbageman isn’t even worth reading. Maybe it’s my incredible love of Kevin Maguire talking, but the Tanga short is the best minifeature DC has put out in quite a while.

Aaah! I just made a joyful noise in the middle of the comic shop. Parademon! Hmm, and here I’d always thought of Ragdoll as merely insane, but soulless works too. Ooh, please tell me we’ll be getting back to the Liana-goes-to-straight-camp-by-way-of-kidnapping storyline! Please? One page. Okay. Screw you, plotlines. I’ve already gone on this rant, but my favorite character in this book, since I first saw him in Villains United, is Ragdoll. Or, he was. Honestly, I think Gail has been setting this up since the first Secret Six mini after VU, Six Degrees of Devastation, when she showed just how heartless Peter could be. And frankly, if that idea is factual, it just shows the patience and planning that this woman has. I’m not saying anything about the twist at the end of this issue, though, mainly because I sort of saw it coming.

I’d like to state for the record, Magneto jumping out of nowhere while screaming “DOOM” had me laughing so hard I actually fell over. As strange as it may sound, my brain sort of refused to hone in on anything but the funny parts. Such as Vision being a dick to Iron Lad, and Iron Lad being a dick right on back. “Technically, Vision and Scarlet Witch never actually divorced, so…” Hear that? That’s the sound of a fanfic being written. And it is a Wanda/Vision/Cassie/Nate fanfic. And no, I’m not writing it (yet). But yeah, time travel shenanigans, another issue of Billy and Teddy not kissing, pretty much the standard Young Avengers story, so far. Oh, but what’s this? Wanda’s back? Like, No-more-mutants back? God mode Wanda has made a return, remaining mutants run for cover! Next issue next issue next issue!

Aw, that’s the end of our week, poo. Ah well, nothing left to do but post this, then go check Tumblr. For the brave and open-minded, mine is Touchofgrey37. See you next week! Same time, same place, waaay bigger pull list. Peace out!

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Look at the cover of Secret Six and try to focus on something other than Scandal’s boots

March 3, 2011 · Filed under Uncategorized · Tagged , , , , , ,

Three books this week, pathetic. And one of them is fail train, so it’s more like only having two books. Oh, and another one is essentially just a lead-in to the next Green Lantern event. Oh, this is depressing. Let’s do this thing.

Hey look, it’s Jade! With the most lines she’s had since her resurrection. And we’re finally back on the J’onn storyline! SINCE WHEN DOES J’ONN HAVE HEAT VISION?! I know I’ve yelled this question before, but seriously. It makes no sense for the heat-sensitive Martian to have fire eyes. Hahaha we’re watching Martian porn unfold on the page. I turn the page, there’s gonna be a Source Wall there, isn’t it? I mean, this played out once between Superman and Darkseid. This exact scene. Ooh, the sun. Just as good, and gorey. Oooh, White Lantern J’onn is quite shiny and apparently impervious to fire. Wait. What the fuck did I just read? Okay, fail train. I am intrigued.

Man, the Guardians used to be tall. And, like, kinda built. Damn, Krona, got enough junk in that trunk? And Carol and Hal get into the classic damsel pose, fantastic. Holy crap, isn’t Sinestro’s head supposed to be huge and his body is small? Or is this just the most extreme of close-ups? Pff, way to call Hal on his addiction to boobies, Sinestro. So, Krona is to blame for the Manhunters murder spree? I actually think I like him a bit, the man gets shit done. Not good shit, oh no, but he does get it done.

I love Insignificus. He’s creepily adorable. And speaking of creepy adorable things, Ragdoll. I’ve loved this version of the character since Villians United. He’s whimsical, depraved, and probably insane, but he’s also the hardest of cores. It’s Secret Seven versus Ragdoll and the legions of hell, while Scandal’s new girlfriend is being put through an intense one-on-one straight camp from, well, hell. I’m really looking forward to the next issue.

And that was it! God, it’s not even 8 yet. Ah, well, look for me by Tumblr, my lovelies, and see you next week!

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So young, so violent, DAMN that rap music!

February 3, 2011 · Filed under Uncategorized · Tagged , , , , , , , , , ,

Six regular books, the end of a terrible mini, and an annual. What a week we have ahead of us, right! Right?

Oh right, Fail Train. And it’s an Aquaman week, swell. Okay, long story short, Aquaman bitches about Mera betraying him, bitchery, more bitching, loses a hand. Oh, and there was a bit with Deadman and the Hawks and how everyone has to do exactly what the White Ring says or goddamnit, it will end you. Why do I still pick up this book? Why, I ask?

…why does Rip’s mom look like Michelle?! Seriously, blonde woman wearing the Goldstar uniform and- Rani. Oh fuck. No, seriously, OH FUCK. Booster, I think I would prefer it if you banged your sister to you birthing a son from a little girl. I’m going to ignore everything else that happened in this issue and just go quitely freak out.

Damn. I mean, damn, Lobo. I really love watching this guy work. Most people generalize Lobo to be just a stupid thug on the lookout for his next buck, but few people realize that he’s actually a friggin’ genius. Know how he killed most of his people? With a virus that he invented when he was a kid. Remember that before you write him off as violent parody throwback to nineties heroes. Oh, Saturday nights when you can’t remember anything you do the next morning. I’ve never had one myself, but Tanga sure seems to know how to party. I like this mini quite a bit, two parts of it, anyway. Garbageman just doesn’t speak to me.

Okay, just from the cover of JSA: All-Stars, I’m kinda expecting a Silver Age story. Menace of the Puzzlemen? Really? “I like you a lot better when Cyclone is around. I think she soothes your inner jackass.” Oh, Al. I love you, I do. But you probably shouldn’t mock the little nancy boy that can turn your brain over in your head. Honestly, I really do want to know why the third Hourman gave Roxy a violin. It makes for one of those interesting little WTF side stories. I bet she eventually builds herself a robotic body and becomes his wife or something. Ohh, nevermind. She’s Lorna Pemberton now. That’s…cool?

I couldn’t get into the first Legion annual in awhile, I’m sorry to say. Everything about Princess Projectra and the Emerald Empress just makes me yawn. I love most of the female characters in Legion, but, they’ve just never really spoken to me. Soooo…next?

Oh my god Bane, you are simply the most adorable, awkward, gigantic man ever and I love you. But if I had to be a stripper working alongside that squealing Harley Quinn wannabe, I’d probably have killed her ages ago. Aaaand it’s rematch time with the Doom Patrol! You may remember that the Six fought them in their first mini following Villain’s United, and it was pretty kickass. Well, that kickassness has grown exponentially with the new Six versus the new Doom Patrol and, well, I’m kinda banking on it to be another draw. But hey, can we get back to Bane being awkward and adorable now, or do we have to wait another issue for that?

God damn, Talia. I’ve never really liked Ra’s al Ghul or his psychobitch hellspawn daughter, but now I have a legitimate reason. You don’t try to kill Catwoman. You just don’t. It’s a rule of comicdom. There are several untouchable comic women that must always come out okay in the end, and damnit, Catwoman is one of them. As for Harley…I want to see where this is going. I mean, is she actually going to do it, or is she going to lose her nerve at the last second? If I were her…but I’m not, so I guess I’ll just have to wait a month to find out.

I’m going to come out and say it right now, I think the Master-Hunter is Simon. It’s got to be. Also, incest! Kind of. That’s something that bugs me with Superboy and his relationships. After Tana Moon died, that scientist chick latched onto him. And after that, almost directly after that, he started dating Wonder Girl. Now that Cassie has been canned, he’s pretty much shown that he plans to, at some point, go out with Lori Luthor. The kid does things way too fast for my taste. Take a little time to heal, then go put the moves on your cousin, Kon.

That was this week in comics. Now, for something not exactly comics-related but still sort of, what would y’all think of me starting a new segment focusing on episodes of Young Justice to be released every Friday? I already liveTweet during the show, but would anyone prefer an actual review? Try and get back to me on that. This is ToG, signing off.

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A good week? What is this, Utopia?

January 13, 2011 · Filed under Uncategorized · Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Second week of the month, you know what that means! Eleven books! No fail expected! Can you handle this?! Let’s see if you can.

Okay, Paul Cornell should write Batman and Robin from now on. Please don’t let this one arc be it, because holy shit. Una Nemo, Absence, is one of those Bat-villains that has potential lasting power. She has a grudge on Bruce Wayne and typical Silver Age female motivation: to get the man she’s pining for to notice her. Sounds simple and almost silly, right? Well, Absence has one up on the women of the Silver Age because, guess what? She’s a friggin’ evil genius. Luring all the Batmen possible to her so that her gang can take out the people who tried to kill her the first time around, testing the strength and mettle of the Batman/Robin bond…brilliant. From my keyboard to DC editorial’s ears, Absence could be one of the great Batman femme fatales, don’t let her fall into obscurity.

Let me just say, I love how Cyril has a Southern Butler. He really is the Batman of England, and this ‘Hank’ seems like just the right person to be his Alfred. And ohmygod, Shrike and Cyril doing the guy thing. I swear to god, I was half expecting a line like, “You break her heart, I’ll break your legs.” Booooys…Beryl is quite possibly one of my favorite characters now. I mean, she’s so…hngh. If you’re not reading Knight and Squire yet, hop to it. Two issues left, and I can’t stand it.

Holy shit. What is this garbage?! Who stole Helena Sandsmark’s personality and replaced her with a bitch? Okay, a little bit of the history of the current Wonder Girl and her mother. Cassie has never really had a hard time getting her mother to support her career as a superhero. Helena worked at the museum that Cassie first swiped the magical tools that granted her original powers, and seemed to have very few qualms about Zeus granting her powers of her own. She literally got into a fist fight with Arrowette’s mother over letting their daughters be superheroes versus forcing them to. In the midst of the Amazon Attack, Helena was placed in a sympathizers camp, because she was the mother of Wonder Girl. Helena has NEVER been truly against Cassie being a hero. So what is this?! Blatant disregard of character history. I dub thee fail. But it was nice to finally officially meet the character that’s eventually going to become a Titan, Solstice. I like her character design, very pretty. Holy bi-polar, Batman! Did Cassie’s mom have a second personality transplant on top of the first? I find this odd, because J.T. Krul is normally such a good writer, but his characterization of Helena Sandsmark is, well, way off the mark.

Oh, Damian. You know you love Alfred like a grampa. Give it time, the revelation will come to you. How is it that every time Damian and Steph team up, I find myself falling more and more for the little bastard? He’s just too cute! I know this is the Batgirl book, but I wouldn’t object at all to more teamups between these two. Damian trying to blend in on a field trip, Steph teaching him how to play in a bounce house…DC, I’m begging you. Make this a regular thing between arcs. Damian needs a fun big sister to counterbalance the rest of his nutty family.

“No skin off my full, lustrous head of hair, man.” Oh, Deadshot. Never stop being amusing. This month’s Secret Six is a direct continuation of the last issue of Action Comics. In it, we see that Vandal really does love his daughter, Lex, while hot beyond words, is the biggest prick of all, and that Black Alice is probably the best and worst person to have on your team ever. “Is that a giant green catching mitt? I’d rather take the fall.” Oh, one-liners.

AUGH! That first giant splash page of Kilowog yelling at Guy actually caused me to jump. I’ve come to a conclusion about the Red Lanterns. Their power? It’s bulimia. Bleez barfs up a knife to take out a planetwide ring of defense, then chews on the big bad. This is how Red Lanterns stay so fit, everyone! Their power is purging!

Guillem March, you glorious bastard. The art in Birds of Prey was so pretty, I’m not even sure how to handle myself right now. And Gail, that scene with the Penguin was just horrifyingly creepydorable.

I want Tim to keep this new suit. He would have the best way of explaining how it came about. “It came to me in a dream!” The Uternet, which, by the way, is the worst name for a supervillain’s MMORPG in the history of ever, has been breached and corrupted! Tam Fox secretly wants to be a blaxploitaion heroine named Foxy Lady! Tim, or Lonnie, wants Cass to be Batman! Never change, book. Never change.

Oh god, please don’t let me turn the page to see that Lobo has a daughter. PLEASE don’t let me turn the page to see that Lobo has a daughter. Let’s just go back to Vril and Komand’r being flirty, lovey dovey time with Adam and Alanna, and Lobo harassing Captain Comet about how Kory just wants to bang him. Yaaay, more flirty flirty with Vril and Komy and…Stormdaughter? Stormdaughter is a Czarnian? Please don’t kiss him. Let the close-up on her lips mean that she’s about to start singing Science Fiction Double Feature, not that Stormdaughter is about to make out with Lobo. Don’t do this to me, Tony. I’m in no state to start shipping anything tonight. AUGH. You did it! You finally did it! You blew it up, damn you! Nice to see the phrase ‘Feetal’s gizz’ back in action, though. I missed it. (I should not find Lobo ripping his shirt as hot as I do oh god what is wrong with me damn you Claude St. Aubin you draw everyone too hot) Oh, good. It was just a pheromone. Worried me for a second there, Tony. Lobo isn’t Superman, he made sure he was the last of the Czarnians. In other news, trying to imagine a Tamaranian/Coluan hybrid just made me wince. The kid would be a walking Christmas decoration. Oh noes! Why you be stealin’ my Tribilus?

…Booster is 35? No wonder he’s so touchy about the possibility of going bald. Origin story, origin story, “Women in dozens of eras across history have sung the praises of my ass!” fight scene, fight scene, Iron Man reference (how?), banned from his favorite coffee place, origin story, YOU’RE UNDER ARREST! Ladies and gentlemen, that was Booster Gold #40 in a run-on sentence. Thank you.

So this entire run-around was just so Max could regain control of Checkmate and reactivate the OMACs? Max, I think you should just wear a big name tag, because you’re going to get sick of introducing yourself over and over. Also, when did Kara add high heels to her costume? She didn’t, that’s when. Stupid artist.

I’d like to just say, the latter half of these reviews were written while I was half asleep. I apologize for any unintentional humor, and if it suits me, I’ll rewrite them at a later date. Peace out, and stay warm.

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A small week, but still juicy! Like a pear!

December 3, 2010 · Filed under Uncategorized · Tagged , , , , , , , ,

Five titles? That’s it? Ohh yeah, it’s a five-week month, so the loads will be relatively light all month long. Well, that’s okay. Shall we begin?

“I’m Batman, and I can breathe in space.” All Shortpacked! readers know that joke, and that’s what the cover of fail train Brightest Day reminds me of. It’s another J’onn issue, and I’m not hooked. Back when it was being presented as a sort of mystery, I was intrigued by the Martian Manhunter portions of Brightest Day. Now that things seem to be coming to a climax, it just looks like one of those wah wah my planet is dead emo emo emo type deals, and I really don’t care. Next issue is supposed to be the origin of Aqualad, which I assume means sex between Black Manta and Mera, so stay tuned!

So, in my personal opinion, a book full of redheads is a damned fine thing. I love JSA: All-Stars. Cyclone is one of my favorite characters. So a mini-arc featuring Cyclone? Oh yes please. So, Cyclone was infested with nanites that made copies of her every time she sneezed on someone. I, I’m surprisingly okay with that explanation. And yay, random space battle causes King Chimera to stop being a dork and just make kissies with Maxine already! It does my shipper heart good to see warm fuzziness every now and then.

The Action Comics annual is all about young Lex Luthor and his earlier adventures in greatness. So, apparently Lex has been an apprentice to both Darkseid and Ra’s al Ghul? Intriguing. The stories were actually pretty good, for an annual, and I’m glad they were focused on Lex and not Jimmy.

God DAMN, Gail. Well, it looks like Giganta knows about Ryan Choi now. A moment of silence for the surely fallen Dwarfstar, he will not be missed. I really like Black Alice as a character. Unlike the paragons of virtue that make up the Teen Titans, Lori is both a teenager and a total brat. She has her moments of kindness, and she really does love her parents, but for the most part, she’s a horrible little monster and I just want to smack her repeatedly. My only real question concerning her is, when the heck is the confirmation on her relation to Misfit going to come up again? As a matter of fact, where is Misfit? I know that last one was technically a Birds of Prey question, but it’s all the same in the eyes of Mother Gail.

Adventure Comics is making me wig out a bit. I mean, Mon-El is the new Green Lantern? What? And if Tasmia is with Kirt now, why’s she still trying to persuade Lar to stay with the Legion? In a more than friendly way? I’m still not going to read the Atom second feature, because I still don’t care about you, Ray Palmer.

It’s the second night of Hanukah for you Hebrew and Shebrew readers of mine, hope you’re celebrating it like I am, with a buttload of good food! Until next week, my lovelies. Peace!

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It’s a Damian Wayne sort of day, I think

November 25, 2010 · Filed under Uncategorized · Tagged , , , , , , , , , , ,

Eight books this week, and very few distractions. Am I happy? Hell yes, I am! Shall we begin?

So, Deadpool. What can I say about this guy, and this title, that hasn’t been said a million times? Very little, aside from the fact that this particular issue has Steve Rogers sitting in his lap. That…was pretty boss. I like this title. I like it a lot. Because god damn, it’s Deadpool, and he’s kind of impossible to hate.

So, who hates cliffhangers? Oh, Gotham City Sirens. You tease me with wonderful, wonderful teamups and then you make me cry. I think that this is officially an abusive relationship. But ooh, it hurts so good.

More Deadpool? Man, you’d think I liked the guy or something. But yes, Deadpool Team-Up is a delightful romp into the realm of the absurd, as is basically every Deadpool title ever…but this one has guest stars! Thor and Deadpool band together to fight a naked nerd whose body is being inhabited by a hot demon. Wade admits his attraction to Thor many times. Hilarity ensues. I’m not a huge fan of Thor, no, really this time, but this wasn’t a terrible issue. In fact, it made me laugh a few times.

Oh man, I love Action Comics. Seriously, Lex Luthor is just fun to read about. And then there’s the lead in to the Secret Six crossover that’s coming next issue, and I can’t even tell you how excited I am about that. But I think the real winner of this awesome issue would have to be Jimmy Olsen. Sure, he’s kinda drawn like shit, but hey, he pulled a Power Girl! No, he didn’t suddenly aquire huge…tracts of land. He saved the planet! Yaay! And…Chloe doesn’t give a damn. Y’know, there is no pleasing this girl. Oh, hi badly-drawn Lois Lane! How’re you doing? Find Jimmy a new girlfriend? I smell shenanigans!

Batwoman is an interesting character. No, seriously. I liked her back in 52, but after reading Batwoman: Elegy, I was hooked. It doesn’t hurt that she’s a spunky redhead, and that I can be very biased when it comes to them. Let me summarize this issue in three words: Yay, stalker Bruce! Seriously, this man is more paranoid than the Question on crack. Goes around just following Kate instead of doing his Bat-job. One thing I wasn’t pleased about was the amount of oh hey she’s a lesbian you guys! that showed up in this issue. Seriously, noting that she was released from West Point because she came out, the story of which was shown in Batwoman: Elegy, showing him going undercover in a gay club to watch her hit on girls…we get it, J.H. Williams. Kate Kane likes vagina. Let’s not make a Midnighter out of this. For people unfamiliar with the name and term, here, lemme tell you. The Wildstorm character, Midnighter, is gay. He’s married to a man, they adopted a little girl together. For awhile, Midnighter had his own series, and the writers could not for the life of them go an issue without drawing attention to the fact that he was gay. It got to be sort of a running joke within the fandom, and good lord, did it get old fast. So please, writer or writers of Batwoman. Don’t pull a Midnighter.

Batman and Robin was downright weird this month. Then again, when your villain is revealed to be a woman with a hole through her head, well, weird doesn’t really begin to cover it. Certain observations were made by Damian that I agree with. Now that the mantle of Batman has become sort of like a franchise, every player involved can become their own type of Batman. Dick is the resident HappyBats, and that’s just swell. It makes me wonder, though. How much longer before Bruce takes on a Robin of his own? And will that Robin be Tim? Or Damian?

Speaking of Damian, I’m getting a really familiar vibe off of Teen Titans this month. Back in 03, Kory was all up in a snit because the Robin on her team wasn’t Dick. Now, the current roster is up in arms because the Robin they’re working with isn’t Tim. Team, don’t be afraid to try new things! I’m sure Damian will work out fine, once he’s done being a screw-up. Speaking of unresolved sexual tension, if Damian is still on the team once he hits puberty, he’s going to get such a gigantic crush on Rose. They’re too alike for him not to.

I don’t know how I feel about the Captain Atom issues. He’s never been a character I liked, or could even partially relate to, because of the military thing, but at the same time, he’s probably an essential part of the JLI somehow. Well, he’s strong, at least. Man, Damian has been cropping up everywhere today, huh? In this issue of Generation Lost, he’s 131. Hmm, 131 years old minus the 112 years Nate was in the time stream means that the current Damian is…19?! Well, that isn’t right at all. Someone didn’t do their math right, and I am not pleased.

Well, that was this week in comics. Have a happy Thanksgiving, for those in America, and remember, next week new comics come out on Thursday. I’ll think up something neat to post on Wednesday to make up for it, though. Peace out!

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