Posts tagged Gotham City Sirens

The future’s so dark, I’m gonna need a Flashlight. See what I did there?

August 25, 2011 · Filed under Uncategorized · Tagged , , , , , , , ,

This is it. The last full week. I, I don’t have anything else to say.

As always, the Flashpoint titles will be lumped together.

Maybe it’s because I never got into Wildstorm, aside from Gen 13 and Authority, but I just don’t like Lois Lane and the Resistance as much as I could. It’s full of pointless backstory I don’t care about, and without the various Furies that I recognize (that have no lines, for the most part), I doubt I would be reading it at all. Lois Lane has never really been one of my favorite female characters and while a book about her could, theoretically, be interesting, this one just…wasn’t. Sorry, Lois.
I. I can’t I just.
Hoo. Okay. I am so angry right now. I feel like right now, there is no doubt in my mind that Bart isn’t going to be Kid Flash in the new universe. This one I’m dissecting, so prepare for maximum spoilers. Bart is the reason there isn’t any Speed Force in the Flashpoint universe. He took the speed from Max, and Jay, and maybe even Johnny and Jesse Quick. Because there was never any Flash back in the 40’s, Barry Allen never spent his life being a fan. He never got in the accident that gave him his powers, and never gave the same powers to Wally. Barry Allen never married Iris West. Bart was never born. He existed outside of time, then went back in time as the Black Flash to steal the speed from, and kill, the man who would eventually become Max Mercury. As the Black Flash, Bart bounces around the timestream collecting Speed Force to give to Barry, then performs an exact copy of Barry’s death on Crisis on Infinite Earths in order to also become one with the Speed Force. But the worst part of all this?
Barry doesn’t really care.
I mean, he basically says so. He says that he doesn’t really know Bart all that well, but did he ever try to take the time to get to know him? No, he did not. Even Wally, with all his problems and issues, took a break every now and then from saving the world and banging Linda to hang out with his cousin. Barry is Bart’s grandfather. Bart is the son of a child that Barry never knew. Barry and Bart are so removed from each other, I don’t even know what to say. Other than Kid Flash Lost #3 was probably the most disappointing ending to a series since the final issue of Wally’s series a few years ago. I’m not happy.
We now return you to your scheduled programming.

It’s pretty obvious that Geoff Johns doesn’t want the Green Lantern movie to be anything like the comics. Why do I say this? Well, the final Green Lantern movie prequel came out today, starring Sinestro. And it, as with the others, told his origins. Apparently, movie!Sinestro was a freedom fighter on his planet. In the comics, he was an archaeologist. Umm. The two aren’t really similar, but okay. This being said, it was a nice one-shot, and I actually enjoyed it. Kinda cements the Abin/Sinestro bromance for me.

The final issue of Gates of Gotham can be summed up in one sentence: “Given enough time, I’m sure you’d make an even better Batman than me.” Dick Grayson made a great Batman. Thank you, Scott Snyder, for voicing this opinion through the mouthpiece that is Bruce Wayne. Take that, ‘Bruce is the only Batman’ fanboys.

You know, I like to think that, despite all of their differences, Guy and Bruce actually get along really well. They’re both quite intelligent, though Guy likes to mask his smarts with bravado. They’re both very guarded when it comes to personal relationships. But above all, they both know how to save the day, albeit in different ways. I like this team-up issue, and yeah, it was kind of a fitting end to Guy’s series. Well played, Tomasi.

There comes a time in every reviewers life when they read the end of a series and think, wow. That was seriously pulled directly out of the writer’s ass last second, wasn’t it? “The Batman made me do it” is honestly the worst, and lamest, excuse I’ve ever heard. Bruce wasn’t Batman when this series began, Dick was. Dick wasn’t up for manipulating anyone at that stage in his career as Batman. He was dragging people down streets hanging off of his motorcycle. Still, good save, Selina. This issue earns a 3 of 5. Could have been a lot worse. Imagine if they’d actually killed her? Reboot or no, a cheap death is still a cheap death. Hear that, Sterling Gates?

So hey, who remembers Kick-Ass 2? Not me, the last issue came out in like, January. Anyway, issue #3 is out and…I’m going to be honest here. Is this supposed to be a serious real-world superhero book? Because it’s hilarious. There’s a heroine whose main objective is getting drunk girls home safely, and another guy who is cutting down on public transit violence. Frankly, I prefer those two to pretty much everyone else who just wants to beat people up. These guys are doing an actual civic duty that is often overlooked by regular law enforcement, especially in a big city. But this is the funny part. Remember Red Mist? He’s a full-time bad guy now, and his villain name is, wait for it, the Motherfucker. No, I’m not joking. This is the quality of the second half of this issue. Just, keep that in mind when the next issue of Kick-Ass comes out two years from now.

The final issue of Teen Titans wasn’t as half-assed as I thought it was going to be. Unlike the final issue of Superboy, which had been given two chances to not suck but failed, it was well thought out and well-paced. Sssssorta. Not going to lie, I facepalmed my way through the post-battle Kon/Rose moment. The art was very good, as was the writing, but so many questions were left unanswered for me. Who was under the Inertia costume? How did Prime clone three Kon’s? What if they were mind-controlled versions of Kon brought to the future? Who decided it would be a good idea to give Damian the Kryptonite phallic object? Why won’t Gar stop creepin’ on Raven? Are we seriously supposed to believe that the Source Wall is the permanent solution to Superboy-Prime? I’d voice some more questions, but I think I’ll just let y’all speculate on those for now.

Well. That’s it, then. Next week I’ve only got two books, the final issue of Flashpoint and, because I refuse to make a post about one book, the first issue of Justice League. Will they suck? Will the reboot sap my will to live? Will this blog still exist come October? Only time will tell. Until next time, readers. I’m Touch of Grey, and I have a chicken sandwich in my purse. And I’m going to eat it. Peace out.

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How is it I can be so optimistic at the beginning, and spitting fire by the end? Only DC.

July 27, 2011 · Filed under Uncategorized · Tagged , , , , ,

Man, I had to do the run-around from hell to get all my comics this week. The place where I normally get my books didn’t have a couple (thank you, Diamond), so I had to go to a different comic shop nearby, get them, then ride back to my LCS to finish the rest of my books. Ah well, at least I got a lot of exercise, right?

As always, the Flashpoint tie-ins will be reviewed in one go.

What to say about Lois Lane and the Resistance. This issue, it’s less Lois Lane and more Resistance, frankly. We get Grifter’s backstory, which, by the way, thank you so much, Flashpoint, for letting us know that Lady Blackhawk, Batwoman, and John Stewart died before the Amazonian/Atlantian war kicked off. That was completely unnecessary, and a kick to the head for the fans of the characters. Speaking of anally violating the people who buy your books, why the fuck did you kill off Hawkgirl again? Was once a year just not enough? Still, it paved the way for new-yet-familiar faces amongst the Furies. Giganta, Cheshire and…is that Cassandra Cain? No, probably Lady Shiva. Anyway, they’re the new kill squad sent to waylay the Resistance, along with Vixen, Artemis, Huntress…other-winged-chick, and…a blue-skinned version of Forager from New Genesis? Whoop, and then there’s a betrayal. Whelp, I think I’ve about read as much as I can stand.
Give Sterling Gates a Kid Flash ongoing. I’ll get a petition going, maybe see if the better off fans would be willing to help pay his salary. Just do this for me. For us all. I haven’t seen Bart this Bartlike since Young Justice ended. Here, he’s not just Impulse in a Kid Flash costume, or a smaller version of Wally. He’s Bart Allen. He’s got a lot of the things that made him such an enjoyable character to read about back when he was Impulse, as well as the signs that he’d grown as a person by putting on the Kid Flash suit. There are a lot of shout-outs to his Impulse persona in this issue. Thinking faster in virtual reality, doing things without thinking them through, even the way he gets hit by the information wave and falls down is reminiscent of the time he watched one of his Scouts die on Apokalips in Young Justice. I really love this mini, and I really, really hope that the ending of it isn’t what they seem to be hinting at, The Death of Kid Flash.
We now return you to your scheduled programming.

If anyone was wondering if Poison Ivy/Harley Quinn was a thing, I think this issue of Gotham City Sirens answers that. Actually, this entire issue was just a set-up for the next one, the final one. Ivy and Harley want to kill Selina. That’s pretty much it. That’s the issue. I’m sort of disappointed.

Kyle Rayner, you are scum. Seriously. I just, what the fuck? The chick he’d seen in Miri Riam’s crystal back in Sins of the Star Sapphires was Jade?! So he has spent at least two years canonwise lying to his girlfriend? She brought his slack ass back to life during Blackest Night! Oh man, no wonder Kyle looked like he’d been hit by a tornado when Jenny came back to life. Oh my god, I’m just so angry right now. I have to read something else before I flare red.

Ahh, nothing like Guy being a badass to calm me down. This issue of Emerald Warriors ends on a bittersweet note, but I’m not going to Tarantino you. The basic premise is this: Something is kidnapping Green Lanterns and destroying outposts. It’s a monster from eons ago (of course) that was recently freed when a chunk of Mogo broke open its prison. And it’s eating Green energy. I’m not sure how to feel about this issue. Yes, Lanterns die, but for the most part, they’re ones I’ve never heard of. All in all, I’d probably give this issue a 3 of 5. Good writing, pacing, and art for a one-shot, but not really much emotional depth. But next issue…Batman?!

Okay. I just. I can’t…
What the fuck just happened?
Superbitch-Prime is somehow back on Earth-One. Bart uses a virtual reality machine he invented to fight, and kill, Inertia over and over. Superboy is flirting with Ravager as he walks out of Cassie’s room with the rest of his stuff. What’s going on here? Seriously, no one is acting like themselves, except maybe Raven, who is bitching about Solstice again. Cut away to a cafe where Gar is, gasp, on a date with a chick without powers or any visibly crippling issues. Then something explodes and we’re probably never going to see her again. She didn’t even get a name. Alright, and here’s where I really take issue. Why did they choose Sun Girl as an opponent for Solstice? Sun Girl is Megan’s big firey foe. She has no connection to Solstice at all. And why is this a ‘new’ Inertia. Who is it? Is it an older Jai from an alternate Earth with dyed hair? Is it a new character we’re going to lose with the Reboot? And what’s with Indigo’s history? No, she wasn’t the reason Donna and Lilith died. That was a Superman robot. She was part of the Outsiders when Superboy shaved his head and went Luthor-induced crazy. And Inertia didn’t kill Bart, he set everything in motion so that the Rogues could kill Bart. He didn’t deliver the final blow. What is the point of this entire arc?! Is there even a point? Is this just going to be three issues of mind-fucks and fight scenes? I’m just…I can’t right now. I’m so angry. I am spitting with rage. I need to go take a swing at someone.

That was this week in comics. I wasn’t joking about getting into a fist fight. I’m going to go punch the hell out of some boxes. At least I can’t injure them. See you all next week.

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It feels like the end, doesn’t it?

June 29, 2011 · Filed under Uncategorized · Tagged , , , , ,

Ah, at last! The final four first-issues of the Flashpoint minis are upon us! And now, to see what I won’t be reading for the rest of the summer.

But first, the final Green Lantern movie prequel starring…Hal Jordan! If you can’t tell simply from the title, it sucks. But it does have a nice cameo of Guy Gardner being manly and shirtless after football, so there’s that. And then the second feature makes…no sense whatsoever. It’s about this purple chick who hates fighting being drafted into the Green Lantern Corps…and being happy about it? Hi, pacifist chick, this entire organization you just joined is about kicking ass. You are going to be miserable. Enjoy that.

As always, I’m treating the four minis as one big book, so just strap in and brace yourselves.
First off, fuck Oliver Queen and the horse he rode in on. No, seriously. Fuck this guy. He takes the weapons off of incarcerated supervillains and mass-produces them for the U.S. government, fuck this guy. Oh, and speaking of fornication, the Flashpoint Ollie is just as big of a hound as the regular one. And apparently, Vixen is a supervillain. Well, this started off great, doncha think?
Is it okay if I just…don’t say anything about Project Superman? There is literally nothing enjoyable for me about that book, so.
Okay, there is more advertising in the Flashpoint: Hal Jordan mini than in any other comic ever. What the hell, DC? It’s not even a good story. It’s a rehashing on the origin, again. Set in the movieverse, obviously. Agh, this just makes me so mad.
Now for the most part, I like British-centered titles. Knight and Squire was probably my favorite mini of this year. But I’m going to have to pass on The Canterbury Cricket, it’s a little too weird for my taste.
That concludes the last round of Flashpoint mini first issues, I now return you to your scheduled programming.

How long can a woman hold a grudge? If you’re Selina Kyle, two years pases like nothing. Hm, and it has been two years now, hasn’t it? Gotham City Sirens has always been pretty good to me. I mean, it’s a book focusing on the bad girls of Batman’s home town, how could it not be fabulous? But this last arc…I liked to think that Harley had grown from her days in Batman: The Animated Series. I mean, she’s had her own comic, worked alongside Batman, and proven herself to be a good, albiet pretty crazy, person. These last few issues have just seemed like a total regression for her, and that’s sad.

And people ask me why I love Emerald Warriors…
Guy leading with his penis aside (and don’t think I’m not going to have something to say about that), this was a great issue. It showed that in the absence of his ring, Guy can still kick ass. Then again, that was also the entire point behind Guy Gardner: Warrior, but whatever. But back to man’s primary thinking aparatus. What the fuck, Guy?! Is the Generation Lost thing still in effect? I should hope not. For those who wonder, one change Max’s mind-whammy made on the world was to break up Guy and Ice. If that’s still going, I’m pissed. If that isn’t still going, and Guy just decided to blatantly cheat on the love of his life right before he goes on leave, I’ll be pissed. The entire angle just made me angry.

Guess what’s back?! If you guessed Avengers: The Children’s Crusade, you would be correct. So last time, Wanda got her memory restored. That was good, and bad. But this time, she’s the one doing the restoring. Looks like the next three issues may be dedicated to, get this, the Scarlet Witch going around the globe and giving former mutants their powers back. Yeah, I gave a little squeak of joy when I read that, not gonna lie. Can you believe it? M-Day is going to be reversed…kinda! Not to mention that Billy and Tommy have their ‘mom’ with them now…oh, I love a happy pseudo-ending!

Anyway, that’s this week in comics!
Hey Floridians! Guess what? This weekend is Florida Supercon! Actually, let me correct myself. From Friday, July 1st, to Monday, July 4th, Florida Supercon will be happening in Miami, Florida! It’s more than a weekend convetion, it’s a long weekend convention! I’ll be there either Saturday or Sunday, hope to see you there!

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Madness and Rainbows, must be the end of the month

May 25, 2011 · Filed under Uncategorized · Tagged , , , , ,

This week, the last week of the month, is actually pretty tiny. Four books, three of which are a single continuing story and will be treated as such. Oh well, it’s still better than having to sit through Fail Train.

Gotham City Sirens is, quite frankly, all over the place. We get POV scenes from Selina, Harley, Black Mask (no, not the dead one)…everyone but Ivy and Batman. Central theme is this: Selina can’t seem to bail on her girls, Dick is a master manipulator, Bruce’s Joker-fixation is only slightly less intense than Harley’s, oh and speaking of whom, Harley has flipped her shit. If you can’t tell from the creepy ass cover, Harley is back to being Joker’s hench-wench with a vengeance. Oh, and remember that doctor she gassed a couple issues back? Turns out Harley isn’t the only doc with an inmate lover. The first Black Mask, Jeremiah Arkham, is going back to his lady love, though it seems their devotion to each other is mutual, unlike the nigh one-sided love between Harley and Joker. End result? This is probably my favorite arc so far. Jam packed with action, mayhem, romance and good old fashioned torture, this is the kind of thing comics should aspire to be.

I’m going to treat the issues of Green Lantern, Green Lantern Corps and Green Lantern Emerald Warriors as one big story…mainly because they are. They’re literally just one story spread out over three issues. And really, with these issues being parts seven, eight, and nine, I hope this means that this War of the Green Lanterns thing is drawing to an end.
First up is Green Lantern. Pff, Guy just barfed a blood cat onto a Guardian. This should’t make me laugh so hard. Ooh, and now we get back to the characters I actually care about. The Book of the Black has imprisoned the other members of the Crayola Calvary in their own memories and goddamn, is Indigo scary when she’s not compassionate. Ohh, I see what’s going on here. Krona is going to turn the four Earthmen into Guardians. Well, that’s just a great idea, isn’t it? Please note my sarcasm.
In Green Lantern Corps, we continue with part eight. Whoa! I did not see that coming! Well, at least it makes sense. In Legion of 3 Worlds, Sodam Yat mentioned how hard it was to find new recruits after they lost Mogo. And then there’s the fact that John is a pretty experienced planet-destroyer, if you think about it. I still say he’s going to be the one to die, though. Unless Mogo was the Lantern they were talking about..? In other news, I love how ineffectually effective Kyle is in this story. It’s just…it’s adorable.
Oh, fuck you Emerald Warriors. Guy doesn’t love the Corps more than anything, he loves Tora. You know it, I know it, shut the hell up. Raar. But hey, at least Kyle got to show off his healing powers, right?

I’m going to get going now, I’ve finally got someone to go see Thor with, so I’m taking advantage of that. See y’all next week, same time, same place!

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If I ever form a superteam, I will call it the Crayola Cavalry

April 20, 2011 · Filed under Uncategorized · Tagged , , , , , , , , ,

Another ten-book week?! Oh, my aching wallet!

Power Girl wraps up a two-shot with Peeg gaining a new look for her secret identity. Look out, Lana Lang! Gingers have officially made their way to the Superman family! All in all, it was a pretty basic plot. The dinosaurs from last issue were magical in origin, and Zatanna was being held prisoner by a villain that absorbed magical powers, named Siphon. A little cookie cutter, but what can you do?

I’m pretty impressed by the Zatanna creative team this month. Really, such masterful wordplay is rarely seen in comics this day and age, and I really do mean wordplay. In Symmetry, Zatanna is captured (wait, wasn’t she just captured in Power Girl? I smell shenanigans) by a villain named Backslash, whose power is to rewind time with his Fairy-powered sword. No, really. Anyway, she escapes with the power of palindromes. Wordplay! Oh, what fun, I do declare.

Well, I’m officially over the new Young Justice comic. Next book.

Ah, another part of the storyline of sin in Gotham City Sirens. Selina Kyle is asked to pull an Abraham and refuses to do it. Good for her. Next book.

I always enjoy seeing more of Colu and her inhabitants, so the fact that the mot recent Legion issue takes place on Colu made me very happy indeed. Saturn Queen is still gathering her army, Jo and Tinya are actually a pretty badass fighting team, and Brainy is, in fact, a boss. Very little actually happened this issue, so I really haven’t much to say about it.

Geoff Johns, your slasher is showing. Read this issue and tell me that you don’t see a Tumblr meme blossoming on every page. Especially after Hal and Guy exit the escape pod, hoo boy. So the boys have new rings and are ready to kick some ass! Though just putting my two cents in; I’d have loved to see Guy Gardner as a Star Sapphire. The pink might clash horribly with his hair, but just think of how dazzling he’d have looked in the assless chaps the ring would have given him!

Well, everyone’s screwed. Mogo is on the opposing side. Time to pack it in. The Green Lantern Corps is doomed. Goodnight everybody!

And so Twilight Guardian comes to a close. I enjoyed the mini, and I really hope it is popular enough to spin off into an ongoing, but who can tell. This issue, we really get to see the Guardian in action. She saves a family from a burning building and defeats the Dusk Devil, all with a slightly clouded mind, as her long-lost father is officially back in the picture. Yeah, I hope we get an ongoing out of this, I’d buy the hell out of it.

Holy shit! Okay, this was an incredibly heavy issue of Supergirl, from a fan’s perspective. Damian has offically joined the ranks of DC royalty, now that it’s been shown that his mental defenses are stronger than both Jaime’s and Miss Martian’s. But it’s his ‘deepest, darkest fear’ that has every Batfamily fan wriggling around in their seat, wanting to hug the stuffing out of him. He fears being under his mother’s control, forced to kill his true family. Please note that this family isn’t just Bruce and Dick, but Stephanie, Barbara, Tim, Alfred, and Commissioner Gordon as well. I’m going to assume the artist conveniently forgot to put in Colin and be done with that. But the real shocker is, as usual, a last-page cliffhanger. The villain of this arc? Hold onto your frontal lobes, ladies and gents, for it seems to be a clone of Dubbilex!

Tim is happier, Kara has a grip on reality again, looks like the mantle of Emo Kid has been passed onto Raven! Which sucks, frankly. I mean here they are, having a perfectly nice team-up with Solstice, and Raven has to go and ruin it by…doing whatever the hell it is she did with her powers. What was that? Energy discharge? Sonic boom? Whatever it was, it knocked those demons out. Also, way to be worried about Tim, guys. That was the worst worrying I’ve ever seen, go back and try it again. Ah well, at least next month’s Ravager/Superboy cover makes sense.

That was this week in comics. The Heroclix boys (and girl) have taken up the table, so I’m gonna head out early, hope everyone is having a good day. See y’all here next week!

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Sorry for the delay

March 31, 2011 · Filed under Uncategorized · Tagged , , , , , , ,

Oh, I’m excited! Guess what comes out today? You may remember it from last year, early last year. No clue? Kick-Ass 2 #2! I know, that wasn’t cancelled. Aside from that, we’ve got five DC books to go through and not a lot of time. Shall we?

Lex Luthor, you’re a moron. I mean, you find a giant ship that looks like a head, and you don’t think Brainiac is inside?! I mean, you worked for him for a time, let’s get real here. Oh, okay. Bad acting. Way to fake your way through that, Lexy babe. BRAINIAC IS ORGANIC DAMNIT. He isn’t a machine. He is of the planet Colu. He should not have probes coming out of his brain. Well. This explains…nothing. So the nanites in Lex’s bloodstream placed there by Lois were being controlled by the unholy demon boss of Mr. Mind. That makes perfect sense. I’m going to write this off as a batshit insane Lex Luthor story and be done with it.

Oh shit. Well, that was so worth the wait. Kick-Ass joins a Justice League style team called Neighborhood Watch, finds a new BFF in a kid that goes to his school and also fights crime, and then they take on some Mafia guys. Fast-paced action, some nice storytelling, I’m re-hooked. Let’s hope it doesn’t take another year for the third issue.

Hal, Guy has built up an imunity to ‘one-punch’, what the hell are you doing. Okay, I think I get it now. The entire point of War of the Green Lanterns is to get Hal to take off his ring. But Hal won’t take his ring off. He’s only been able to commit to one thing in his life, and that’s the Corps. Whoops, spoke too soon. So tell me this, boys. How do you plan on defeating the entire Green Lantern Corps without rings? Am I the only person that wants to see Hal Jordan: Sinestro Corps honorary member? That’d make a nifty action figure, and also a really good start for some slashfic. Hal putting on Sinestro’s ring to defeat the Corps, using the impurity immunity against Krona. Give the fandom something to work with, guys! Also, the art this issue was just amazing. Fernando Pasarin, you can stay the rest of the arc and more if you want to, I’ll be happy to stare googly eyed at your pretty, pretty Guy.

Just from the cover and first page of Gotham City Sirens, I worry for Harley. As far as female characters go, she’s a, pardon the expression, cash cow. DC isn’t going to kill her off. But they may end up shelving her for a while, depending on how this storyline plays out. Oh. Goddamn. See, this is something that scares me about good writers. I know how stupid that sounds, don’t get ahead of me. Good writers, like Paul Dini, can get you to like a character. Invest yourself emotionally. Maybe even find things in that character that you relate to. Writers like Peter Calloway can get you to worry for a character in a way you normally reserve for a close friend. I’ve been to a lot of comic shops in my life, and even more conventions. And I’ve never been to one where someone didn’t have a piece of Harley Quinn paraphernalia, wasn’t dressed up as a version of Harley. I talk to people. One woman I talked to said she was only dressed as Harley because her boyfriend was dressed as the Joker. One girl said that she’d grown up with Harley in the cartoons. And one woman said that she’d always hated Harley. “But when she finally split up with the Joker for good and for reals,” she said, repainting the places on her face where the white makeup had rubbed off during her time walking around the convention center. “It sort of reminded me of when I got the restraining order against my ex-husband. You try and give them all the love you have, but they don’t want it. All they want to do is take and take and hurt and hurt, until you just ain’t sure what’s you anymore, and what it is they’ve programmed into you.” I don’t have a good memory, but I’ll never forget that conversation, that woman. I hope she doesn’t read this issue. And if she does, I hope she’s somewhere safe.

Honestly, I just want to spend my review of the latest issue of Zatanna gushing about how much I love Dr. Bodie. A shrink that lives between realms and caters exclusively to magicians and magical beings both good and evil?! Leave it to come from the mind of Paul Dini. And that cover…no one draws the ladies like Adam Hughes, no one. He just has this dynamic style that I’ve always thought best reserved for covers and pin-ups, but ironically, he was the person who drew the first comic book I ever read. I hope Oscar Hampnel doesn’t become a recurring character, he freaks me out. Stay canned, you creepy bastard.

Where the fuck is Tim jumplining in from?! Did he just…jump off the roof? What was the point of that, Tim? They’re called stairs, try them. Now now ladies, don’t fight. I swear, Rose and Cassie just need to make out get over their issues and work together already. Right there. That group shot, for just a second, had Bart looking a little like Bart again. Aaand next page we’re back to Wally-lite. The kid never had freckles, and his hair isn’t red. It’s a dark brown. Ooh, the pissy bitchometer is off the charts today. Whoa! Demon! Didn’t see that one coming. No, really, that was kinda off my radar, no sarcasm meant. Good to see J.T. Krul can keep me on my toes still. So, Cassie and her mom are on the demon plane? Is she going to come back into the human world after an hour and a decade has passed? Okay, enough Yu Yu Hakusho fanfic references from me tonight. I’m intrigued. Teen Titans, you pass muster for this month.

Well, that’s the comic review. So sorry about the late, late update, but Florida sort of fails as a state. My internet was down for ages, so I’ve just been reading The Walking Dead trades and playing Spider Solitaire until it came back on. See you next week. Same place, much, much earlier time!

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I may just start a Tumblr like that…except Beetles must be remember for the good times, not the bad

February 24, 2011 · Filed under Uncategorized · Tagged , , , , , , , , , , ,

Oh, what a small week. Five books, one of which is guaranteed to either make me happy beyond words, or so full of rage, I begin spontaneously spewing blood everywhere. Let’s do this thing.

Larfleeze, your quirkiness is amusing beyond words. “Hairless Lex Luthor!” Yes indeed. Oh my god, is he doing a, a Gollum impression? You precious little flower. I think Glomulus is his favorite Corpsblob or something, because Larfleeze doesn’t just hug anyone. Oh my god. So he’s behind this. Of course he is. Who else could it be? I’m hoping that the reinclusion of Brainiac in Lex’s life will finally lead up to where the hell the Brainiac/Lex clone has gotten to.

Harley has snapped. I know people will argue that she’d snapped by the time she first showed up in Batman: The Animated Series, but at least she was happy then. This Harley is just a tightly-wound ball of rage and hatred in a fancy hat. A manipulative woman we’ve never really gotten to see much of before. And she wants the Joker dead. Good luck, honey. You’ll need it.

So, Peeg. You dug up one of your dead friends to prove to Dick Grayson that Max Lord was real. How does that feel? Not gonna lie, this issue made me facepalm and yell at Dick a lot. Bruce, however, was sort of awesome for once, though his whole ‘I remember everything’ sort of cemented him as DC Jesus in my eyes. In other news, Nicco, you would be an awesome liar if ladies smarter and more fabulous than you weren’t around to spoil everything. Also, I have this feeling that the next couple of issues of everything that ties into Generation Lost is going to be all Crying About Beetles dot Tumblr dot com.

My rage has flared to previously unimaginable levels. I don’t care about you anymore, Max. The sleazy, sometimes goofy businessman from times past is dead to me. I don’t care that you’re essentially a momma’s boy with a god complex. I don’t care that your mommy was in Coast City when it was destroyed. A lot of people lost their lives in a tragedy that no one could have stopped once it got started. There’s only one thing I care about right now.
Jaime Reyes had almost seven years. He was introduced during Infinite Crisis to immediately replace the fallen Ted Kord. In the seven years he was around, he had his own series, a spot on the Teen Titans, a few back-up stories in Booster Gold, and a snug place in the hearts of many of DC’s readers. His popularity only grew when he was introduced to the rest of the world through Batman: The Brave and the Bold. He was always a smart, responsible, goofy kid that loved his friends and family. He, he wanted to be a dentist so that his sister could go to college and his parents would be assured an easy retirement. And now he’s dead.
That was one of the worst things I’ve ever had to type. Who’s going to tell his family? Who is going to tell Paco and Brenda? Who is going to have to stoop down and tell Milagro Reyes that her big brother isn’t going to be coming home because a man they’ve never heard of, a man they didn’t even remember existing, killed him just like he did the Beetle before him? I can’t do it. Booster shouldn’t have to do it. No one should have to. Because this boy didn’t deserve to die.
All I can say about this entire this is this: DC, if you’re doing your whitewashing thing again by killing a minority character in order to bring in a white guy, that white guy had better be Ted Kord. Not a new character. Not a PoC. And you better not be retiring the mantle of Blue Beetle, either. You fucking bring back Ted Kord. Or I just…I don’t know what I would do. I’m way too invested in your better series’ (Birds of Prey, Batgirl, Secret Six, etc) to be able to keep a boycott of DC for even a week. I just don’t have any answers right now.

(this review was written before the above one, but moved to the bottom so that this entry would end on a happy note)
Damian, you precious flower. AUGH. AUGH. KON, TIM, MAKE WITH THE KISSES ALREADY. No, seriously. You boys need to just get over yourselves and your issues and just make the kisses happen. Well, I guess it’s 100% confirmed now then, isn’t it? Kid Eternity is even deader than he was before the Calculator got to him. How does that work, exactly? Did he just…disapparate or something? Become discorpereal? What? I mean, the character’s whole schtick is that he’s already dead, he just can’t go to heaven or hell yet. So, what’s going on? Did he finally cross over? You’d better get back to me on this, Teen Titans. I want to know. So…Tim’s back on the team, and Damian has been curbed? Well, that sort of makes sense. Dami’s only ten or so, he wouldn’t really fit in with this particular team of Titans yet. Try again in a few years, Dick. Aww, how cute. And I know people are gonna be like, he called Dick his only friend! No. He’s talking about Colin. You know, Abuse from Streets of Gotham. He and that kid are totally BFFs. Dick isn’t his friend, Dick is his substitute daddy that hugs too much.

And that was this week in comics! Sort of. Look, I know two Deadpool titles came out today but I just…I can’t follow that guy. As much as I love him and his concept, I just can’t stay interested for more than two or three issues at a time.
Oh, and speaking of Tumblr, I’ve had one of my own for several weeks now! Follow me at touchofgrey37. But as always, parental advisory is suggested. I swear like a sailor.
Peace out, you guys. Got some computer problems I need to fix. Same time next week? Swerval.

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So young, so violent, DAMN that rap music!

February 3, 2011 · Filed under Uncategorized · Tagged , , , , , , , , , ,

Six regular books, the end of a terrible mini, and an annual. What a week we have ahead of us, right! Right?

Oh right, Fail Train. And it’s an Aquaman week, swell. Okay, long story short, Aquaman bitches about Mera betraying him, bitchery, more bitching, loses a hand. Oh, and there was a bit with Deadman and the Hawks and how everyone has to do exactly what the White Ring says or goddamnit, it will end you. Why do I still pick up this book? Why, I ask?

…why does Rip’s mom look like Michelle?! Seriously, blonde woman wearing the Goldstar uniform and- Rani. Oh fuck. No, seriously, OH FUCK. Booster, I think I would prefer it if you banged your sister to you birthing a son from a little girl. I’m going to ignore everything else that happened in this issue and just go quitely freak out.

Damn. I mean, damn, Lobo. I really love watching this guy work. Most people generalize Lobo to be just a stupid thug on the lookout for his next buck, but few people realize that he’s actually a friggin’ genius. Know how he killed most of his people? With a virus that he invented when he was a kid. Remember that before you write him off as violent parody throwback to nineties heroes. Oh, Saturday nights when you can’t remember anything you do the next morning. I’ve never had one myself, but Tanga sure seems to know how to party. I like this mini quite a bit, two parts of it, anyway. Garbageman just doesn’t speak to me.

Okay, just from the cover of JSA: All-Stars, I’m kinda expecting a Silver Age story. Menace of the Puzzlemen? Really? “I like you a lot better when Cyclone is around. I think she soothes your inner jackass.” Oh, Al. I love you, I do. But you probably shouldn’t mock the little nancy boy that can turn your brain over in your head. Honestly, I really do want to know why the third Hourman gave Roxy a violin. It makes for one of those interesting little WTF side stories. I bet she eventually builds herself a robotic body and becomes his wife or something. Ohh, nevermind. She’s Lorna Pemberton now. That’s…cool?

I couldn’t get into the first Legion annual in awhile, I’m sorry to say. Everything about Princess Projectra and the Emerald Empress just makes me yawn. I love most of the female characters in Legion, but, they’ve just never really spoken to me. Soooo…next?

Oh my god Bane, you are simply the most adorable, awkward, gigantic man ever and I love you. But if I had to be a stripper working alongside that squealing Harley Quinn wannabe, I’d probably have killed her ages ago. Aaaand it’s rematch time with the Doom Patrol! You may remember that the Six fought them in their first mini following Villain’s United, and it was pretty kickass. Well, that kickassness has grown exponentially with the new Six versus the new Doom Patrol and, well, I’m kinda banking on it to be another draw. But hey, can we get back to Bane being awkward and adorable now, or do we have to wait another issue for that?

God damn, Talia. I’ve never really liked Ra’s al Ghul or his psychobitch hellspawn daughter, but now I have a legitimate reason. You don’t try to kill Catwoman. You just don’t. It’s a rule of comicdom. There are several untouchable comic women that must always come out okay in the end, and damnit, Catwoman is one of them. As for Harley…I want to see where this is going. I mean, is she actually going to do it, or is she going to lose her nerve at the last second? If I were her…but I’m not, so I guess I’ll just have to wait a month to find out.

I’m going to come out and say it right now, I think the Master-Hunter is Simon. It’s got to be. Also, incest! Kind of. That’s something that bugs me with Superboy and his relationships. After Tana Moon died, that scientist chick latched onto him. And after that, almost directly after that, he started dating Wonder Girl. Now that Cassie has been canned, he’s pretty much shown that he plans to, at some point, go out with Lori Luthor. The kid does things way too fast for my taste. Take a little time to heal, then go put the moves on your cousin, Kon.

That was this week in comics. Now, for something not exactly comics-related but still sort of, what would y’all think of me starting a new segment focusing on episodes of Young Justice to be released every Friday? I already liveTweet during the show, but would anyone prefer an actual review? Try and get back to me on that. This is ToG, signing off.

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Last week, on Days of Our Lives…

December 30, 2010 · Filed under Uncategorized · Tagged , , , , , , ,

Last week of the year, faithful readers! Oh, 2010, how sad I am to see you go. Pff, nah. Farewell, 52 weeks of partial disappointment, partial euphoria, hello 2011! A new year, full of endless possiblities. Also, this is the year I’m finally allowed to legally imbibe, which means that come March, I will be inventing the DC Comics Drinking Game. But that will be then. This is now, and I plan on reviewing these five books as well as they deserve.

Action Comics’ main story ends with a cliffhanger and features Vandal Savage alternating between sweet and murderous. It’s an interesting concept, but does it work? Yes and no. While it’s obvious that Vandal still cares greatly for his daughter, Scandal, he is still a man of goals. Since it has been prophesized that Lex Luthor would bring him his greatest happiness, he’ll do anything to make that prophecy come true. It’s my personal belief that Vandal’s greatest happiness would come in the form of a son from Scandal, but since that will never happen willingly, I’m guessing some shenanigans will be involved to make it so.
When a second feature begins with the line “I am not a male prostitute”, you know that you’re in for a few chuckles. And when the punchline is basically “Jimmy Olsen marries the daughter of Mr. Mxy in a story worthy of the Silver Age”, as well as the news that the story itself leads into a new Jimmy Olsen ongoing, well, it’s enough to make a girl positively giddy.

I hate it when I have to admit that I liked an issue of Green Lantern. In my defense, Hal Jordan didn’t show up at all this issue, it was focused entirely on Atrocious, the Butcher, and the Spectre. Hal Jordan on the cover was a lie, the best lie I’ve ever seen. Geoff, please know that I don’t hate you. I really don’t. You’re an excellent writer, you have the ability to create witty, interesting, convincing characters, but you’re in love with Hal Jordan. When it comes to him, your fanboy hat comes on, as well as your nostalgia goggles, and you refuse to characterize him as anything but Jesus reborn and walking the Earth. This Red Lantern focused issue was awesome, and I hope you do more in the future, perhaps even one that would reveal more about the Indigo Tribe, or something that tells us what Larfleeze’s oath is. The comic community will thank you.

A jealous woman is a horrific thing. I would never want to be in love with the same man as Talia al Ghul, that bitch would rip me apart. What does this have to do with Gotham City Sirens? Everything. Zatanna, Talia, and Selina are all in love with Bruce Wayne. don’t ask me why, I don’t see the appeal. But remember, back in the second issue where a flashback sequence showed Selina and Talia talking, and Talia said that they were the only two women Bruce had ever really loved? Well, she got one woman right. I’m convinced that Bruce has never loved Talia, a woman many have considered to be a psycho, but has pretty much always loved Selina, in any identity she chooses to take. Talia can’t stand that, so she wants Selina’s memories of Bruce gone. Luckily, Zatanna caught on at the last second, shippers rejoice.

Oh, Teen Titans. At $2.99 a book again, I am pleased to say that I can afford to buy you and your pretty, pretty art again. JT Krul and Nicola Scott have been doing a great job with the new team, and I’m really looking forward to seeing where they’re going with the Hindi chick. But the real stars of this issue are Robin and Ravager. I really hope Rose doesn’t have a Robin fetish or anything, because that could get real creepy real fast. We’re going to see next issue whether or not the team wild cards play well together, and I can’t wait.

Wow, Scott Kolins. That’s really bad art you’ve got in Flash this month. I mean, holy shit. I have never seen Eobard Thawne drawn so badly in my life. But the story is…okay, I’m going to be frank. Geoff, you really knocked it out of the park in Green Lantern, but this issue of Flash sucks. It really does. The idea that Zoom spends his later life time travelling to make his earlier life easier is absurd. Rip Hunter and the rest of the Time Masters exist to prevent this sort of thing from happening. Every change Eobard made to his life would immediately be undone by Rip or Booster, and therefor no change would occur. You’re the one who rebooted the idea of the Time Masters back in 52 and the earliest run of the new Booster Gold series, what the hell are you doing contradicting yourself like this? I am disappoint, Geoff.

See you next year, lads and lasses! This it ToG reminding you to stay groovy, bundle the hell up, and always support your Local Comic Store by saying no to food and saying yes to comics! Peace out, and a happy new year!

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It’s a Damian Wayne sort of day, I think

November 25, 2010 · Filed under Uncategorized · Tagged , , , , , , , , , , ,

Eight books this week, and very few distractions. Am I happy? Hell yes, I am! Shall we begin?

So, Deadpool. What can I say about this guy, and this title, that hasn’t been said a million times? Very little, aside from the fact that this particular issue has Steve Rogers sitting in his lap. That…was pretty boss. I like this title. I like it a lot. Because god damn, it’s Deadpool, and he’s kind of impossible to hate.

So, who hates cliffhangers? Oh, Gotham City Sirens. You tease me with wonderful, wonderful teamups and then you make me cry. I think that this is officially an abusive relationship. But ooh, it hurts so good.

More Deadpool? Man, you’d think I liked the guy or something. But yes, Deadpool Team-Up is a delightful romp into the realm of the absurd, as is basically every Deadpool title ever…but this one has guest stars! Thor and Deadpool band together to fight a naked nerd whose body is being inhabited by a hot demon. Wade admits his attraction to Thor many times. Hilarity ensues. I’m not a huge fan of Thor, no, really this time, but this wasn’t a terrible issue. In fact, it made me laugh a few times.

Oh man, I love Action Comics. Seriously, Lex Luthor is just fun to read about. And then there’s the lead in to the Secret Six crossover that’s coming next issue, and I can’t even tell you how excited I am about that. But I think the real winner of this awesome issue would have to be Jimmy Olsen. Sure, he’s kinda drawn like shit, but hey, he pulled a Power Girl! No, he didn’t suddenly aquire huge…tracts of land. He saved the planet! Yaay! And…Chloe doesn’t give a damn. Y’know, there is no pleasing this girl. Oh, hi badly-drawn Lois Lane! How’re you doing? Find Jimmy a new girlfriend? I smell shenanigans!

Batwoman is an interesting character. No, seriously. I liked her back in 52, but after reading Batwoman: Elegy, I was hooked. It doesn’t hurt that she’s a spunky redhead, and that I can be very biased when it comes to them. Let me summarize this issue in three words: Yay, stalker Bruce! Seriously, this man is more paranoid than the Question on crack. Goes around just following Kate instead of doing his Bat-job. One thing I wasn’t pleased about was the amount of oh hey she’s a lesbian you guys! that showed up in this issue. Seriously, noting that she was released from West Point because she came out, the story of which was shown in Batwoman: Elegy, showing him going undercover in a gay club to watch her hit on girls…we get it, J.H. Williams. Kate Kane likes vagina. Let’s not make a Midnighter out of this. For people unfamiliar with the name and term, here, lemme tell you. The Wildstorm character, Midnighter, is gay. He’s married to a man, they adopted a little girl together. For awhile, Midnighter had his own series, and the writers could not for the life of them go an issue without drawing attention to the fact that he was gay. It got to be sort of a running joke within the fandom, and good lord, did it get old fast. So please, writer or writers of Batwoman. Don’t pull a Midnighter.

Batman and Robin was downright weird this month. Then again, when your villain is revealed to be a woman with a hole through her head, well, weird doesn’t really begin to cover it. Certain observations were made by Damian that I agree with. Now that the mantle of Batman has become sort of like a franchise, every player involved can become their own type of Batman. Dick is the resident HappyBats, and that’s just swell. It makes me wonder, though. How much longer before Bruce takes on a Robin of his own? And will that Robin be Tim? Or Damian?

Speaking of Damian, I’m getting a really familiar vibe off of Teen Titans this month. Back in 03, Kory was all up in a snit because the Robin on her team wasn’t Dick. Now, the current roster is up in arms because the Robin they’re working with isn’t Tim. Team, don’t be afraid to try new things! I’m sure Damian will work out fine, once he’s done being a screw-up. Speaking of unresolved sexual tension, if Damian is still on the team once he hits puberty, he’s going to get such a gigantic crush on Rose. They’re too alike for him not to.

I don’t know how I feel about the Captain Atom issues. He’s never been a character I liked, or could even partially relate to, because of the military thing, but at the same time, he’s probably an essential part of the JLI somehow. Well, he’s strong, at least. Man, Damian has been cropping up everywhere today, huh? In this issue of Generation Lost, he’s 131. Hmm, 131 years old minus the 112 years Nate was in the time stream means that the current Damian is…19?! Well, that isn’t right at all. Someone didn’t do their math right, and I am not pleased.

Well, that was this week in comics. Have a happy Thanksgiving, for those in America, and remember, next week new comics come out on Thursday. I’ll think up something neat to post on Wednesday to make up for it, though. Peace out!

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